getting what I deserve

[9Lives]

You know what....for messing with someone else man....I am getting what I deserve.

 

I deserve to be unhappy

i deserve to sit around waiting and wanting

I deserve to cry and be miserable

I deserve to be on hold

I deserve to be moody

 

I truly believe when you get with a married man....you deserve what you get because it is not yours to be dealing with anyway.

 

If I deserve more....then I better find another man

[johan]

The only thing I think you deserve is to learn from this and make better choices in the future. You don't deserve any of that other stuff. But you're at risk of getting all of it when you take risks like you took (the details of which I have no idea about).

 

You've had a choice to make every moment along the way: him or something better. And you chose him. But the same choice is still available to you: to continue to try to make things work with Mr. Hopeless, or to actually find a healthy relationship. I suggest you give yourself a break and choose to find something better.

 

You're off the hook now. Try to forgive yourself and forget him.

[9Lives]

Helll yeah....cause I have totally disrespected myself and I should have been wise and stronger. Mm bring pain....There are times when it is great....but there are these time.....I wouldnt be surprised if he thought I was a wacky fool. I just hate what I am going thru....It is just stupid

[magichands]

It takes two to tango - don't be so hard on yourself. But don't be getting all self-destructive now that you've seen the light.

 

It's time to get your life - and your self-respect - back.

[newbby]

i know just how you feel.

but you are not getting what you deserve as in you took someones man and are being punished. you are just getting what you are allowing yourself to get.

same here...

although it is over, i still cant quite let go and i dont know why.

 

 

But you're at risk of getting all of it when you take risks like you took (the details of which I have no idea about).

 

this is true. it is the risk you take......

the difficulty as in all relationships is in accepting the truth, and the rejection, because this situation is an ongoing rejection which seems paradoxical because he still wants you. he is still rejecting you, because he still doesnt want you exclusively, and in my case, probably doesnt even love me. there are so many factors which keep you psychologically hooked in...mainly a certain vagueness with the truth from mm. you know, he gives enough to keep you there, but not enough that he can be held responsible for lying to you. (he obviously too has his reasons but that is for him to worry about). most people go into a certain denial at the end of a relationship or during rejection, and when the truth or the end is never clear then it is difficult to get over it. add to that whatever those factors were that made you open to this kind of a relationship, and you get a mass of confusion. i can speak for myself that commitment phobia played a huge part in this relationship, and is still ongoing, and so my challenge is to work on this or to be alone and be happy about it. but the first step is in accepting the relationship for exactly what it is without fear.

its difficult. dont blame yourself or judge yourself, but just realise that this, whatever you have now in this relationship, is all it is ever going to be. if it feels s*** then its always going to feel s***, even when its good its gonna be s*** again, its the nature of the relationship.

[9Lives]

No I deserve this bull because I should not have gotten involved.

 

I should not have made my exclusive to just him

 

i should have dated

I should have allowed us to be friends

I should not have gotten my hopes up high

 

I should have not put myself in a situation of FU/KING second.

 

 

I am sooooo pissed. I am soooo pissed.

[silktricks]

No I deserve this bull because I should not have gotten involved.

 

I should not have made my exclusive to just him

 

i should have dated

I should have allowed us to be friends

I should not have gotten my hopes up high

 

I should have not put myself in a situation of FU/KING second.

 

 

I am sooooo pissed. I am soooo pissed.

 

Then you've learned a life lesson. Take it and run with it. If you only say what you should have done or not done, but not what you will do now, you've wasted the lesson.

[target-d]

If I deserve more....then I better find another man

You should find another man. You do deserve more. You deserve to be loved deeply and solely.

 

You are too good to be second best.

[target-d]

i know just how you feel.

but you are not getting what you deserve as in you took someones man and are being punished. you are just getting what you are allowing yourself to get.

same here...

although it is over, i still cant quite let go and i dont know why.

 

I don't know that I agree with this Newby. There are certainly elements of Karma in everything we do. Each action does have it's own reaction, and pain is a definite reaction to inappropriate actions. Seeing, dating, loving a married man is an inappropriate action.

 

 

there are so many factors which keep you psychologically hooked in...mainly a certain vagueness with the truth from mm. you know, he gives enough to keep you there, but not enough that he can be held responsible for lying to you.

Maybe he didn't lie to you. Maybe you lied to yourself. Those are always the hardest lies to deal with, because none of us like to see what we've done to ourselves. That's what has happened with me, and those are the situation that are the absolute hardest for me to get over, the lies I tell myself.

 

On the other hand, maybe he lied his socks off. I think from your previous posts, it's been over for awhile, right? What was it about him that still holds you so tightly?

 

most people go into a certain denial at the end of a relationship or during rejection, and when the truth or the end is never clear then it is difficult to get over it.

 

What happened with you Newby? Did he just disappear? Didn't he even tell you it was over, or why it was over?

[newbby]

Then you've learned a life lesson. Take it and run with it. If you only say what you should have done or not done, but not what you will do now, you've wasted the lesson.

 

good advice

[newbby]

I don't know that I agree with this Newby. There are certainly elements of Karma in everything we do. Each action does have it's own reaction, and pain is a definite reaction to inappropriate actions. Seeing, dating, loving a married man is an inappropriate action.

it depends on how you view karma.

 

Maybe he didn't lie to you. Maybe you lied to yourself. Those are always the hardest lies to deal with, because none of us like to see what we've done to ourselves. That's what has happened with me, and those are the situation that are the absolute hardest for me to get over, the lies I tell myself.

i never said lied, i said was vague. my point was just that. in denial we lie to ourselves, and this is what i meant. mms vagueness makes it easier to lie to ourselves, this is not to say it is anybodys fault and that is not what i was implying. i was simply comforting the original poster who is beating herself up and outlining the difficulties of this relationship compared to a normal relationship.

i do not think mm are any more to blame for the relationship than we are, and nor our pain, but its a difficult situation.

[9Lives]

Well my whole point is that you DO get what you deserve and you have no one to blame but yourself for being so weak and in love with someone who cant truly satisfy you right now or maybe ever. It just not good to give alll your love to a mm no matter what he says.....date,,,,date,,,,date.....that is my answer.....get a life.....AND IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BE A BETTER WOMAN....STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THESE TYPES OF GUYS.

 

At this time, my heart is in it so I just cant pull away just like that...I wish I could but I cant. But I do feel like .....that is what you get. I really do....You should not do it to yourself.....I just shouldnt have gotten so caught up.

 

And dont get me wrong....he has not lied to me....He has been straight up with me the majority of the time. We get along very well but TRUTH IS....he is unavailable and I am going to move on with life.....if he is serious....we will catch up with each other later but right now....I am doing my own thang....I am very excited too.

[JCD]

I think the common ground among us who have been there is that we all get pissed at ourselves for getting involved with married people. I told myself early that it's wrong to develop feelings for this woman but it just happened one day and my morals went out the window. My feelings were strong for her overriding my logical thinking. That's when I felt that I betrayed myself and I was kicking myself for that. I still have those damn feelings for her but I've grown so tired of her crap that I became resilient to those feelings and just put on the breaks and got out of that mess. It's funny how innocently you slide into the relationship despite telling yourself it's all wrong. Damn chemistry. It didn't help much that we clicked right from the start. Now, she's on a prof. level and I basically ignore her in work.

[My_Other_I]

You know what....for messing with someone else man....I am getting what I deserve.

 

I deserve to be unhappy

You deserve to be unhappy only if you choose to. Takes two to tango, ya know?! He had a choice not to put you though that situation; he knew he was married.

i deserve to sit around waiting and wanting

Yes, you do deserve that! Wait and want whatever, just know what it is. I sure hope it's not your MM! When you decide what you've been waiting for, go get it!

I deserve to cry and be miserable

You deserve our sympathy. Live and learn. You've made a mistake. Cry about it, feel like crap and move on. It will happen before you know it. Trust me on that one! When it does, you will be laughing about the whole situation in disbelief.

I deserve to be on hold

Being on hold meaning not settling, right? Waiting for the one that deserves your companionship and respects it. Yes, you do deserve to be on hold till the right guy crosses your path.

I deserve to be moody

Hell yeah! You are a woman!

 

I truly believe when you get with a married man....you deserve what you get because it is not yours to be dealing with anyway.

 

If I deserve more....then I better find another man

One more time; he knew he was married and shame on him for putting you through that situation. Leave it behind you, hun, there are better things awaiting you in life!

I was in your shoes once, I felt like you are feeling now. Moments of clarity are amazing treatment!

Good luck to you!

[eyeswideshut]

I feel for you.

I truly do. When my MM told me he was going to try to work things out with his wife (about 6months into the relationship), I began this cycle of waiting. I thought, for sure he will leave her, there is nothing stronger than our love. Well, this was three months ago, and the deadling I gave myself for waiting has passed.

 

I've been through the waiting, the yearning, the wondering, the beating myself up, the reading all the literature to try to understand, the pep talks, the counseling, etc.

 

All in all, I was trying to understand myself, and why I continued or even want to continue this way.

 

I went away in a very remote area for about one week (my hometown). I spent time away from the city, and alone with myself. I spend time with my childhood friends, and tried to understand my childhood and my youth, and all that lead me to this point in my life.

I realize something. My father and I were joking around about my mother, (we both get along, and are always on the same side, while my mother is more on my sister's side). I've realized that ever since i was young, I always identified with my fathers' humor, and feared my mother. It's still the same.

 

I was in a perfectly normal relationship with a man who worshipped the ground I walked on. Then I broke it off after 8 years, just as we were about to get married.

My best friend is a MM (happily married), and he even told me that the guys I tend to revolve around are either married or gay or in a relationship.

When I was in my long relationship, I often told my fiance, "i don't want to be the boring wife, I want to be your mistress". of course, as a joke, but I just hated the "wife" role.

 

Now I understand. I understand why I am in this mess.

It is what I feel at ease with, it is what makes me feel at home, to be on the side with the married man who complains about his wife.

I'm the "fun girl". The one with no issues.

 

Yeah right.

 

I don't know if I will ever get past this. I think I am a bit of a commitment phobe.

 

I don't know why I am saying all this, and I don't know if it will help you, or if anyone can see this in themselves.

But try to spend some time alone and see why is it that you are in this situation and why did you not respect "their marriage" before anything.

 

I had problems with marriage point, that is why I didn't respect their marriage, because I don't believe in the institution. But I need to realize that some people do respect marriage, and one of those people is his wife.

 

I need to get out of this because I understand why now, but there are other hearts involved and it is my duty to respect other human beings despite my issues.

 

I'm trying to get past this nonchalant attitude that his wife doesn't exist, or his wife made him get married. It's cruel and wrong what I am doing to her.

That is the only thing that makes me hate this. Right now, I have to stop thinking of myself, because if it was for me, i would know exactly how to totally reel him in, and I know I am doing it right now.

I believe in karma.

You have to write down what you want for yourself, and see how you would feel if someone did this to you. Deception is the worst thing in the world.

 

My goal now, is to support him in grieving his brother, (by being there for him when he goes crazy), and to be a friend (despite the fact that it means i'm in a rollercoaster), and to try to help him as anyone would a friend, and especially in trying to help him and myself realize that this is absolutely wrong and destructive no matter how much fun we have together, because it is done in total dishonesty while someone's back is turned.

 

peace to you, and i am sorry i rambled so long.

[Blind Illusion]

No I deserve this bull because I should not have gotten involved.

 

I should not have made my exclusive to just him

 

i should have dated

I should have allowed us to be friends

I should not have gotten my hopes up high

 

I should have not put myself in a situation of FU/KING second.

 

 

I am sooooo pissed. I am soooo pissed.

 

Give yourself a break!! You are being your own worst critic and you shouldn't. You're only human, just like the rest of us. Sometimes we make good moves, sometimes, we don't. Ce'st la vie.