his wife is gone now

[eyeswideshut]

Some of you who know my past threads will remember that she was supposed to be leaving in June, and that June would be particularly difficult.

Well, he asked me two weeks ago what I was up to this coming weekend, and I never answered that particular question.

He stopped emailing for a while, then he phoned this week and said what are you doing Saturday, do you want to hang out?

Now you know what I was thinking.

Of course I had prepared myself mentally and read all the good books and warned all my friends to take me out every single night, (and I've been booked every night this week and all weekend)

But I was thinking, OMG, I have to go for a wax, I have to make sure there's a full fridge, I have to make sure I am all ready for if he happens to drop by...

I mean, it's nice out, I'm horny, and I hadn't seen him in so long I was just curious to know how the situation was at home etc....

But when he asked me what I was doing, I said i had plans, and he said: after your plans (as in booty call...)

So my mind is going berserk, like should I shouldn't I, etc. I said: I don't know.

Remember when OE wrote and said next time he would contact, I would have to announce my NC... well this is how long it took for him to finally contact and make plans face to face.

Yesterday he phoned and apologized profusely. He said he felt really tense after our conversation and felt bad for asking to see me and sensed that he had backed me up in a corner.

So I told him I had been having a rough two weeks. He HAD NO IDEA!!!

He didn't know that this was so hard on me.

(remember, we don't see one another often, and when we do, I'm not one to announce how I feel, Ive been trying to be strong and unaffected because I didn't want him to know how much it affected me, I figured it would be easier to walk away if we weren't all dramatic.)

Anyway. He emailed and asked me how I felt. And I wrote that I had insomnia and that this situation made me very tense.

Why do I feel closer to him now?

Why is it I am telling him my feelings?

He said he had no right to ask me what I was doing this weekend, and had no right to invite himself over, and didn't realize how this affected me, and he said he cared so much about me, that he will do whatever I want from now on. (i think he meant NC if that's what i want)

I feel a sense of relief, that he will listen to me, and that he will not be coming over while his wife is gone, but now I wonder why it is i feel so "good".

it's like now that he knows, I feel safe, and I feel as though we can easily slip into the friend mode. I just wanted to be angry and walk away, but now I'm not angry, I feel humbled that he apologized for asking to coming over.

anyway.

I am just relieved that he will not be coming over.

I hope we don't get all lovey dovey though. Has this "nice understanding" phase ever happen to any of you, and is it weird that I feel so excited about it?

[babydoll_mimi]

I wish I could give advice, but I'm only on day 10 of NC, and it's been hard for me. You deserve a total pat on the back for being so strong thus far. Some would say you should totally avoid him, but I think it would be nice if y'all could get past this and remain friends. Good luck hon!

[eyeswideshut]

I do wish we could be friends. After having listened a gazillion times to that audio thread about letting go, reading all the stories on here, reading the post from OE, I sort of grieved the relationship and began believing he's not the one for me.

Then I got this book called "Zen and the art of falling in love", and just got soo excited about my future with someone else, when I am ready.

The more I read, the more I realized that he is not the one for me.

When OE said: you must act in a consistent clear manner...watch how his actions will mirror yours,

I listened. It's true.

And it's so important. When I will be ready for someone, I will find love.

I just had to stop the panicky feeling of whether it was him or not.

 

The reason I want to NOT see him, is because even though he would leave her, he has revealed to me that he has been to therapy and he has issues, and he is immature, and irresponsible and unable to face adulthood. I don't want a man like that to be MY man.

But I attracted that in my life because I was like that. I don't want to be like that.

 

I want a commited relationship. And children, and a family and consistency in my life. he won't be able to provide that because he is who he is, and even admits to it, whether he loves me or not, that doesn't matter because in the long run, this is who he is.

 

My ex-fiance always told me that he was a faithful and loyal man.

And he was, until the end. He had so much dignity, so much loyalty towards me, even when I was a bitch, even after the 7 year itch, even when the going got tough.

When a man says "this is who I am", well, then that is who he is.

 

So I'm relieved that this MM is not mine.

but i care for him and he cares for me, so I hope we will be able to be friends. he certainly wants to, but he "loves me and wants me still".

I want to be his friend, but I know that if I see him I will jump his bones.

 

That's all.

But keep doing the NC babydoll, slowly, after your emotions are clear and you get back on track, you will at least realize whether you want him "for real" or just for the moment.

 

Good luck

[babydoll_mimi]

I think I understand, and I totally admire you for being this strong about it all. It just sucks b/c this is weekend is Father's Day and I had planned to go to his fave store and buy him a shirt b/c they have his measurements on file, and then frame a pic of the kids that he emailed me... And I guess now those plans are out the window.lol...Maybe I can use the $$ to go buy more underwear at VS...it's totally my weakness! But then new underwear would def. make me think of him....ugh! Lol

[movinon05]

EWS,

 

I'm very proud of you. This is hard to do and I think you're feeling this way because you are very vulnerable right now. You're allowing him to see how hard this is for you and he's perhaps realizing it and remorseful. But you can't let that lower your guard right now. I don't think you can actually be friends with him right now because its too easy to go back to the way it was. Try keeping yourself busy. You're being tested. Just take it one day at a time and take time for yourself right now. You're going to be going away soon and you really need that time away. So try to make this work for you.

 

You don't "know" that he will leave his wife for you. And I'm sure his therapist has been advising him not to make decisions like that when he is not in a state to do so. He realizes he has things to deal with, so even if he did leave his wife, he would not be coming to you as a whole man. And you're realizing that too.

 

Remember what you want in your life. You are seeing that he is not the fairytale you thought he was. He can't give you what you really want.

 

Stay focused and keep remembering that.

[newbby]

it is dangerous to have this friendship. yes, you will get close and he will be even more understanding and you will get closer still. you feel excited because you feel you have got a little bit of power back but without having to have nc. you can talk, its fantastic, he is being sweet, and yet you still have the power. it feels good.

the trouble is, that your feelings are still there however much you may understand that he is not really the one for you. even if you dont weaken now, at some point, after a long period of him melting your defenses, you may have a bad day and it will be all too easy.

i speak from experience. total nc really is the only way, but it takes alot more than that. you have to really work on the internal alot more than the external nc. good luck.

[eyeswideshut]

Girls, you have no idea how incredible your posts are.

You know what happened? We've been emailing more these past few days than ever. (twice a day)

ever since may I've been trying to avoid the June moment when he'd try to come over. then finally it's here, and he realizes it's wrong. Then it makes me feel good. And guess what? this morning, I thought, oh, he's so sweet for understanding that I want him to come by, if he phones, I will let him. YOU SEE HOW CRAZY THIS ROLLER COASTER IS?

 

Your responses have possibly saved me.

Yes, I'm vulnerable, yes NC is the only solution, yes being friends would make me fall back into the trap.

Maybe I knew all this but when I read it this morning, it was as though I was reading it for the first time.

 

Dangerous thing about Saturday, is that i may be drunk after Italy wins the soccer match and then if he calls, I'll be all high from our recent communication.

Solution: I am going to sleep at my sister's place, since she lives nearby Little Italy (where i will be getting drunk).

then i won't have to even think.

 

thanks women, thank you so much....

[eyeswideshut]

babydoll,

 

all those things you want to do this weekend I understand. I always did stuff for him too. I bought him stuff whenever I'd go shopping.

It's just a thing we do when we are infatuated with a person.

HOWEVER.

try to remain strong. try to just see this weekend as two days you'll get through without contacting him.

me too, I'm all anticipating this weekend like it's the end of the world, and now that his wife is gone it's my chance to tell him everything that is in my heart.

but no... there's no time bomb ticking. it's just two days. just get through it, NO MATTER what. Go sleep over at someone's house, or babysit. Do something. and then you'll can tackle the next obstacle when it comes.

come here, post here, rant and rave here, just DON"T buy the t-shirt, and don't buy the lingerie either. (another sign that you will want to sleep with him, I used to do that too, lol)

You know, yesterday I took a day off. I was going for a brazilian wax and pedicure. Well, I decided, F*** that, and cancelled my appointment. There will be no sex this weekend, not with him, not with anyone. I'm going to skip waxing until I need it (for bikini season). Besides, I need to save $$$ because i've just purchased tickets to see Madonna next week.

 

please babydoll, try to just get through 2 days. and if you feel that you might want to cave, just tell yourself, if he really loves you, 2 days will only bring him closer, it will make him realize he wants your attention if you don't give it (esp. on Father's day). Make some other father happy, (your own dad, or someone you know who recently had a baby).

You HAVE to do this. We'll do it together okay?

Heck, we can even spend all weekend here on LS drinking and writing.

[RealityCheck]

Some of you who know my past threads will remember that she was supposed to be leaving in June, and that June would be particularly difficult.

Well, he asked me two weeks ago what I was up to this coming weekend, and I never answered that particular question.

He stopped emailing for a while, then he phoned this week and said what are you doing Saturday, do you want to hang out?

Now you know what I was thinking.

Of course I had prepared myself mentally and read all the good books and warned all my friends to take me out every single night, (and I've been booked every night this week and all weekend)

But I was thinking, OMG, I have to go for a wax, I have to make sure there's a full fridge, I have to make sure I am all ready for if he happens to drop by...

I mean, it's nice out, I'm horny, and I hadn't seen him in so long I was just curious to know how the situation was at home etc....

But when he asked me what I was doing, I said i had plans, and he said: after your plans (as in booty call...)

So my mind is going berserk, like should I shouldn't I, etc. I said: I don't know.

Remember when OE wrote and said next time he would contact, I would have to announce my NC... well this is how long it took for him to finally contact and make plans face to face.

Yesterday he phoned and apologized profusely. He said he felt really tense after our conversation and felt bad for asking to see me and sensed that he had backed me up in a corner.

So I told him I had been having a rough two weeks. He HAD NO IDEA!!!

He didn't know that this was so hard on me.

(remember, we don't see one another often, and when we do, I'm not one to announce how I feel, Ive been trying to be strong and unaffected because I didn't want him to know how much it affected me, I figured it would be easier to walk away if we weren't all dramatic.)

Anyway. He emailed and asked me how I felt. And I wrote that I had insomnia and that this situation made me very tense.

Why do I feel closer to him now?

Why is it I am telling him my feelings?

He said he had no right to ask me what I was doing this weekend, and had no right to invite himself over, and didn't realize how this affected me, and he said he cared so much about me, that he will do whatever I want from now on. (i think he meant NC if that's what i want)

I feel a sense of relief, that he will listen to me, and that he will not be coming over while his wife is gone, but now I wonder why it is i feel so "good".

it's like now that he knows, I feel safe, and I feel as though we can easily slip into the friend mode. I just wanted to be angry and walk away, but now I'm not angry, I feel humbled that he apologized for asking to coming over.

anyway.

I am just relieved that he will not be coming over.

I hope we don't get all lovey dovey though. Has this "nice understanding" phase ever happen to any of you, and is it weird that I feel so excited about it?

 

EWS....

 

You know, it is so very difficult for me to throw a negative into your feelings for him based on his appologies. I shared an email with MO from my MM and MO, even picked up that no matter what the situation is, he still maintains a sense of "respect" for my feelings.

 

You see, I don't want him to leave his W. I really like my situation with my MM. I do have the best of both worlds for me right now. He doesn't have the right to ask anything out of me in terms of who, what, where or how I live my life because we are not committed. Vice versa.

I still date and he is very aware and he will never ask me not too, simply because he knows better based on his situation.

 

In my case, I have heard it all in terms of seeking someone who is single, but truth is, the single people I have met want more from me that I am prepared to give at this time in my life. That's why my A works. Should I meet in the interim a single guy that is not looking for a committment, fine! But I have yet to run across one!

 

I should state for the record, it was never my intention to ever be with a MM, it happened! Now I'm there, and quite frankly it works for my needs. Things may change and I am not so close minded to believe otherwise but I will cross that bridge when I get there. For today, I'm satisfied.

 

So whatever expectation you have in your situation, it really is all about whether you want to accept it in your life or not.

 

I'm tired of mulling my situation to death, because I don't have an expectation one way or the other. Do I love my MM? I guess in some form, but I'm not "in love" with him because the relationship is far from pure! This is the one thing I do know.

[eyeswideshut]

so in other words, you are still with him?

Does he toy around? What's it like?

I mean when we are together, we are the best.

He is there if I am there, he pulls away if I tell him to, (but can't really stay away for too long).

oh, RC, how's it been?

What about if you miss him but can't be with him? Does it make you resent him?

What about when he tells you things are fine at home?

(mine has never said things are fine, but lately she's been gone soo much so he's happy with his situation because of that)

[RealityCheck]

so in other words, you are still with him?

Does he toy around? What's it like?

I mean when we are together, we are the best.

He is there if I am there, he pulls away if I tell him to, (but can't really stay away for too long).

oh, RC, how's it been?

What about if you miss him but can't be with him? Does it make you resent him?

What about when he tells you things are fine at home?

(mine has never said things are fine, but lately she's been gone soo much so he's happy with his situation because of that)

 

You know EWS....

 

Yes! We are on again!

 

He has never bulls***ted me. Things are just okay at home. His biggest light is his child. He has no real love for his W, but is there for all the wrong reasons.

 

Honestly, I am so busy with my life that when we do see each other the timing is perfect! He doesn't live in the City so we see each other every two weeks. Its a perfect situation for me because I'm not prepared to introduce my children to him. It just works!

 

We do get the best of each other without outside interference. Its kinda like "our world". I do like it.

 

Do I love him? Probably because I love being with him. I know I am not "in love" with him because the situation is not in its purest form. We connect on many levels so it is a comfortable kind of feeling and of course very passionate.

 

Understand I don't put my life on hold for him and he knows that! I remain open to other possibilities, but he is the only one I remain intimate with! Should someone set that "lightening bolt" off inside me, I'M THERE and my MM will be no longer.

 

I don't resent any of it because I know the reasons I'm in it! I am not in this for him to leave his W. I guess that's why I can accept my situation for "what it is". Should he leave his wife, I still am not prepared to have that full blown "commited relationship" and he is fully aware of that as well!

 

He has told me he is "in love" with me and I laugh! Why? because if he was "in love" he would be packing his bags and living on his own! I told him I'm sure you love me, but you are more "in lust" than love. I do know the difference and I'm not going to fool myself for one single moment! Especially for two words "in love". As far as I am concerned, ACTION speaks louder than words.

 

I have my moments of wanting him at times, but it passes like a craving for a cigerette.

 

I know I sound like a broken record but it works!

 

I went NC to sort out what it was that I wanted out of him. I realized in NC that basically what we had was what I wanted!

No committment and great company!

 

He went NC because he was in turmoil of having feelings for me and trying to maintain his marriage. He came to grips that I am firm where I stand in not wanting a committment and he admitted, life without me was harder than juggling his two worlds.

 

So yes, its on again.

 

It is all about discecting the emotion and to decide what is it that one really wants, and what it is....

Is it "in love"

Is it "convenient"

Is it "craving"

Is it "company"

Is it "lust"

What is it deep inside that it is?

 

For me, its some love, convenient, company and lust. It certainly is not "IN LOVE".

 

My idea of "in love" is unconditional. Knows no boundaries, loyal, trusting and honest. An "A" is none of these things! So I see it for what it is!

 

I will only give what I get back! It has to be earned in every way! Otherwise, what is it all for?

[grateful]

 

I know I sound like a broken record but it works!

 

And how is it working for your MM's wife?

 

 

 

My idea of "in love" is unconditional. Knows no boundaries, loyal, trusting and honest. An "A" is none of these things! So I see it for what it is!

 

I will only give what I get back! It has to be earned in every way! Otherwise, what is it all for?

 

Maybe MM's wife has the same definition of "in love" that you do. Maybe she mistakenly thinks she has that. Doesn't their child deserve the "unconditional love" of both a father and mother who aren't distracted by an OW who is only in it for

some love, convenient, company and lust.

That's a pretty cold way to treat "his biggest light."

 

You can go ahead and yell at me like I've seen you do for a lot of other nonOW posters. But at least consider there is someone else in this situation.

[RealityCheck]

And how is it working for your MM's wife?

 

 

Maybe MM's wife has the same definition of "in love" that you do. Maybe she mistakenly thinks she has that. Doesn't their child deserve the "unconditional love" of both a father and mother who aren't distracted by an OW who is only in it for That's a pretty cold way to treat "his biggest light."

 

You can go ahead and yell at me like I've seen you do for a lot of other nonOW posters. But at least consider there is someone else in this situation.

 

I knew someone like you would drop by and I am NOT at all affected by your response.

 

I don't have to justify my reasons, my thinking or anything to you!

 

If you don't like my idea of what is right FOR ME! Quite frankly I really don't give a rats ass!

 

The way I live and choose to live has no impact on YOUR LIFE WHATSOEVER! And; neither does my MM or his W! You are not related, you are not involved you are NOTHING to any part of this circumstance at all!

 

As far as his W, that's his job!!! Not mine!

He made the committment "VOW" so why the hell should I carry the burden! I was no part of that in any way shape or form! I refuse to carry any guilt over that!

 

As far as the child goes, I shudder to think I would EVER raise my child in a "loveless" relationship! What standard would that TEACH a child!!!

To settle for the same!!!

I can hear it now ...."oh yes my child stay unhappy, because that is what society wants you to believe"! And; "oh yes my child, I love you so much that you should settle for everything less of yourself!

Give me a break!!!

I could tell you that if my children were ever in that kind of situation, I would be the first one packing their bags! NO ONE should ever settle for "practicle" reasons! NO ONE!

 

You have your opinion and I have mine!

 

That's all you are to me, is an opinion and that I CAN LIVE WITH!

 

Live and let live!

[movinon05]

You know, Grateful. You seem to be forgetting one very important thing. The MM is the one who is ultimately hurting his W and his child. If he was not with RC, he could very well be with anyone else. HE is the one who is really hurting HIS WIFE and HIS CHILD.

 

The OW/OM is always the dumping ground by society for the decision a MM/MW makes when they choose to have an A.

 

And I wholeheartedly agree with RC when it comes to staying in a bad relationship for the sake of the children. My parents did the same thing, and honestly, it was horrible. You can't pretend and expect the children don't see what is really going on. I was RELIEVED when they finally divorced. I was praying for the day!! The same was true with my M. I sat my children down and explained that no matter what, the M was over, I did not love their father, it had nothing to do with them, etc. I didn't give them false hope that we might get back together. We talked and talked and I allowed them to express their feelings openly, even if it hurt me. Children appreciate being talked to (on a level they can understand), and as long as they know they come first and they see that, then they come out stronger for it.

[zarathustra]

You know, Grateful. You seem to be forgetting one very important thing. The MM is the one who is ultimately hurting his W and his child. If he was not with RC, he could very well be with anyone else. HE is the one who is really hurting HIS WIFE and HIS CHILD.

 

The OW/OM is always the dumping ground by society for the decision a MM/MW makes when they choose to have an A.

 

And I wholeheartedly agree with RC when it comes to staying in a bad relationship for the sake of the children. My parents did the same thing, and honestly, it was horrible. You can't pretend and expect the children don't see what is really going on. I was RELIEVED when they finally divorced. I was praying for the day!! The same was true with my M. I sat my children down and explained that no matter what, the M was over, I did not love their father, it had nothing to do with them, etc. I didn't give them false hope that we might get back together. We talked and talked and I allowed them to express their feelings openly, even if it hurt me. Children appreciate being talked to (on a level they can understand), and as long as they know they come first and they see that, then they come out stronger for it.

 

There are so many who come here condemning without having been in our shoes. Its a shame.

[grateful]

Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition (and other hypocrisies)

 

Someone like me? Who is someone like me?

 

I'm a former WS so I did not forget, Movinon, about the responsibility of the married partner. His responsibility in no way absolves RealityCheck of her responsibility. She is also damaging the marriage and the child. The idea that if it's not her it would be someone else is a cop out, a big fat cop out! Sheesh!

 

RealityCheck - - In what part of my post did I advocate staying together in a loveless marriage for a child. I am against staying together for the children - I personally believe it is worse, not better, to put kids through that. However, I think it's important to really try to work on a marriage and salvage whatever love might still be there with no outside distractions when there is a child involved... apparently your MM did at one time too:

He went NC because he was in turmoil of having feelings for me and trying to maintain his marriage.

 

 

But hey... you call this the best of both worlds. If that is really how you see your situation then it says a lot, in my opinion, about the kind of person you are to be so cavalier about his wife and child.

 

 

And I wholeheartedly agree with RC when it comes to staying in a bad relationship for the sake of the children.

 

Um yeah so do I, it's a mutual point of agreement that RealityCheck suggested in argument to my points as a logical fallacy.

[grateful]

There are so many who come here condemning without having been in our shoes. Its a shame.

 

 

So WS are not welcome here? But we are the ones creating all the havoc in the world of affairs, according to RC and MO who believe only the WS and not the OW/OM have any responsibility.

 

You should be able to support each other as OW but the support has gone wrong when you don't call each other out for cavalier and callous behavior. I'm happy to see so many OW working their way out of affairs and you all do a very good job of counseling their way out of them. Why would you not take RC to task for saying, "oh well MM and W and child be damned, I'm getting the best of both worlds?"

 

As hard as I've worked to stop betraying my SO and be the partner he deserves I hope you might reconsider whether I have a right to express my opinion, maybe not having worn "your shoes" but the ones very much like the pair across the hotel bed from the OW. [PSA, I never slept with him, just kissed him, but the metaphor worked better with the whole "hotel bed" part thrown in]

[movinon05]

The idea that if it's not her it would be someone else is a cop out, a big fat cop out! Sheesh!

 

I am not suggesting this because it absolves the A for the OW. Nor do I advocate A's. I am placing the majority of the blame on the MM for not rectifying his own situation.

[grateful]

I am not suggesting this because it absolves the A for the OW. Nor do I advocate A's. I am placing the majority of the blame on the MM for not rectifying his own situation.

 

Well he is not here. Should I write a note to him and ask RealityCheck to forward it along?

 

I'm discussing the (off) topic at hand which is her cavalier attitude towards what she calls a "working" situation and "the best of both worlds."

[RealityCheck]

So WS are not welcome here. But we are the ones creating all the havoc in the world of affairs, according to RC and MO who believe only the WS and not the OW/OM have any responsibility.

 

You should be able to support each other as OW but the support has gone wrong when you don't call each other out for cavalier and callous behavior. I'm happy to see so many OW working their way out of affairs and you all do a very good job of counseling their way out of them. Why would you not take RC to task for saying, "oh well MM and W and child be damned, I'm getting the best of both worlds?"

 

As hard as I've worked to stop betraying my SO and be the partner he deserves I hope you might reconsider whether I have a right to express my opinion, maybe not having worn "your shoes" but the ones very much like the pair across the hotel bed from the OW. [PSA, I never slept with him, just kissed him, but the metaphor worked better with the whole "hotel bed" part thrown in]

 

Let's get something straight!!!

 

I am not RESPONSIBLE for their marriage! NOT AT ALL!

 

I am only accountable for my actions! My actions are what I can live with and I CAN live with my views in MY situation!

 

You can condem the OW all you like! That's you opinion!

 

But you will never strike a nerve with me in terms of being responsible for what happens in someone's marriage! NEVER!

 

When will you women EVER learn to hold a Man accountable for HIS actions rather than coming down on the woman!!!

 

This world would be run by women if they EVER started to get rid of their insecurities, jealousies and non realistic views on a partnership!

 

Face it! Men can talk and laugh with each other about what is going on behind the scenes, but women seem to fight against each other!

 

Get Real!

[movinon05]

But we are the ones creating all the havoc in the world of affairs, according to RC and MO who believe only the WS and not the OW/OM have any responsibility.

 

 

When did I say that??? I don't "believe" that at all!! You're making assumptions.

 

And can you just tell me what a WS is?

[movinon05]

Well he is not here. Should I write a note to him and ask RealityCheck to forward it along?

 

I'm discussing the (off) topic at hand which is her cavalier attitude towards what she calls a "working" situation and "the best of both worlds."

 

And I will "discuss" your assumptions and statements regarding what I say!

[babydoll_mimi]

EWS--

Thanks for the encouragement! I'm gonna try my best to keep busy this weekend. I just miss him so much. I totally appreciate what you ladies do for me... I'm so grateful to have someone to confide in, even if we've never met face to face.

[grateful]

When will you women EVER learn to hold a Man accountable for HIS actions rather than coming down on the woman!!!

 

This world would be run by women if they EVER started to get rid of their insecurities, jealousies and non realistic views on a partnership!

 

Face it! Men can talk and laugh with each other about what is going on behind the scenes, but women seem to fight against each other!

Or sleep with another woman's husband.

 

 

 

But hey if none of us were insecure or jealous about another woman sleeping with our husband than we can rule the world... um, ok I see it now.

[grateful]

 

And can you just tell me what a WS is?

 

 

Wayward Spouse

 

 

When did I say that??? I don't "believe" that at all!! You're making assumptions.

 

I was referring to this:

You know, Grateful. You seem to be forgetting one very important thing. The MM is the one who is ultimately hurting his W and his child. If he was not with RC, he could very well be with anyone else. HE is the one who is really hurting HIS WIFE and HIS CHILD.

 

The OW/OM is always the dumping ground by society for the decision a MM/MW makes when they choose to have an A.

 

Like I said, I'm willing to write him a note, but he isn't here. I did in no way say that I think he isn't responsible. In fact, I understand his responsibilty better than you think being that I am a WS. How is that "dumping" on the OW?