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Picking Up My Stuff & Now He Wants to Be There


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officespace

I've been broken up for a couple weeks and haven't seen him in almost 3 weeks.

 

I was supposed to pick up my things while he was working. Last week when I asked him, he replied with a one-word email, "Sure." Probably he was still pissed then. I was sick on Monday (and really down) and didn't end up going.

 

Tuesday, I emailed to get my stuff this weekend some time. He never responded to my email. I decided I was gonna stop trying and wait until he wanted it out to start so he can bang the "new chick", which with his sex drive, should not be long. ROFL!

 

So my girlfriend says last night, "Screw this. Let's just drive over there tomorrow to get your stuff....cut that final tie so you can move on." I was like, "Yeah, you're right. Let's get on with it."

 

I called him and got his voicemail, of course, to ask again about getting my things and exchange keys either Friday afternoon (I would take half day to get them while he is at work) or Saturday when bringing my girlfriend with me.

 

He text messaged me back (this guy is apparently allergic to the phone....so childish) "neither today or tomorrow will work for me. sunday could work though. I would appreciate you coming down alone. Let me know."

 

Hmmm......what? I got a few work guy friends' opinions on that one, but I'd like to hear what you girls think.

 

And since I know I am getting get called on the carpet for this (can't slip anything by this group :-) ), I do admit that part of me does want to hear what he is going to say but I KNOW I should scramble to find someone else to take (my friend will be out of town). And, part of me wasn't yet ready to cut the final tie, but I know I have to in order to take the next step forward. My stomach is in knots. I know without a doubt that I can never be happy with this guy. It's not even about his "marital status" as he refers to it (physically separate, not filed for divorce). It's the person that he is. I can't be with someone like that. I will never trust him. He is not a man of his word. He is pathologically selfish and extremely childish. Plus, all the baggage....Lord. He could never be faithful, I don't think. I say him already losing interest in me, 9 months in. Come on! The stima of being the "whore that broke up the family" as I used to say, and being financially strapped for life. It's all just TOO much.

 

Comments?

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lovernotafighter

I think he wants you come alone so he can make one last move on you...do go alone just for the principle he asked liked you'll just listen. blah,no way!

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DON'T go alone, he's obviously got something planned that only works without a witness. Do you even have to go at all? Have him ship it, or have a friend pick it up for you.

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Bah! Tell him you'll come alone and then show up with your friend. That way you can pretty much guarantee he'll be there.

 

It could be pretty embarrassing if he has 1,000 candles lit though. :laugh:

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lovernotafighter
I think he wants you come alone so he can make one last move on you...do go alone just for the principle he asked liked you'll just listen. blah,no way!

 

ooh me and my typo's...I meant ,don't go alone,don't go alone,don't go alone.

 

sorry about that :o

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Ugh... he really doesn't like you taking back your power, does he?

 

Tell him you're coming alone, but take a friend with you. Tell him you had "a change of plan".

 

I love the way you can see him for what he is :laugh:

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Ugh... he really doesn't like you taking back your power, does he?

 

Bingo! ;) Everything you've written about this guy just screams....Control Freak.

 

Get out while the gettin' is good. If the 'stuff' you left behind isn't overly important to you, tell him to mail it. And if it is important, DEFINATELY take some friends with you.

 

If he doesn't like that, he'll like you involving the police even less. Tell him that you don't want to have to ask for a police escort just to get your belongings, but that you will if he continues on being a dick about it. THAT will shut him up.

 

Remember, the 'hook' he's trying to use here is your 'curiosity'. That's why you're wringing your hands wondering if you ought to go and "hear what he's going to say", you're curious. But he's already had an opportunity to say all the important things, and he didn't. What does that tell you?

 

What it ought to tell you is that if you decide to go.... Wear your waders! :p

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Seen_It_All

Ugh, this is the lying loser who spent more nights at his wife's house than at his supposed 'apartment' that he'd moved into, correct? That's right, I forgot - he's Father of the Year and was at the marital home every other night so he could wake up with the baby at 2:00 AM and change it's diapers and breastfeed it.

 

I really believe that apartment is leased to him without his wife's knowledge. I think he uses it as his playground then goes home to wifey at night. I even doubt he's separated, he's such a liar.

 

Smart move dumping this waste of skin, Office. VERY smart indeed.

 

Frankly, who gives a rat's ass WHAT he wants at this point? He has no right to tell you to come in out of the rain much less to demand that you "come alone." What a complete and utter sh*t-stain this clown is. What he wants, at this point, is totally irrelevant. Tell Mr. Butt Munch that if he has a problem with you bringing a friend, then his WIFE can meet you there instead. Then watch the loser stammer and stutter.

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Bah! Tell him you'll come alone and then show up with your friend. That way you can pretty much guarantee he'll be there.

 

It could be pretty embarrassing if he has 1,000 candles lit though. :laugh:

that's not the most embarassing thing that could happen, though it definitely sounds like you shouldn't go alone. Alone is a bad idea.

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officespace

Seen it all, you're killing me. LOL. Anyway.....last night, I was laying in bed and suddenly is came to me. I'm almost certain he ISN'T going to be there. You know why? I think he wanted to allude to being there, to pique (sp?) my curiosity, but he never actually said it. I think this is just his last F*** you to me. His last chance to mind F***, as payback for the way I supposedly rejected him. That's how he sees it, you know. He's so angry that I "rejected" him. Hence the nasty email. Never mind the way he treated me. So, I have to be strong. I'm almost sure he won't be there, so all this inner turmoil I am feeling is for nothing. I mean, I thought about it.......you're right. If he wanted to talk to me, he would have tried before now. There has been no contact from him. And if he wanted to talk to me tomorrow, he would have called back, not text messaged like a total wimp. He would have said, "I'd appreciate if you came alone because I would like to talk to you for a little bit."

 

He's a huge fan of the mind f***, u know. That's why we didn't "cross the line" for 2 months when we starting seeing each other. He wanted to F me in the mind before he did things to my body.

 

He was really good at hiding his sickness, his "broken" mind before. Now that he is losing control. Within the course of one week, he got his key taken away from the wife, poor baby, (now, he actually has to parent at his place instead of visiting his kids at hers like they are pets at the zoo [so she can still do all the work and he can play on his computer]) and I dumped him. He is losing his mind and he HATES both me and her for it. He blames both of US for his choices. It's sad to see. I am angry on one hand and on the other I feel sorry for him. That he is trapped in his broken mind and these bad behaviours and patterns that he learned from his abusive mother. I believe he really does want to change (he tried for about 6 months) but he can't. It takes work and it's easier to stay the same. But I know he is not happy and he deep down he know he is the *sshole that screws it up in relationships. I want to tell him that the s*** his Mom did to him and other while he was growing up, the way she treats people, is EXACTLY the way he is acting. He hates her so much for her neglect and narcissistic behavior, and here he is, hurting others the same way. I think saying that might send him over the edge, though. I'm hoping (as his former friend) that this phase in his life will trigger a real change in him, for the better. I feel like I am walking away from a drug addict or alcoholic. He has to want to help himself.

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Do you really need your stuff? This just doesn't sound good. Why would you risk another confrontation with this ass?

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officespace

well....the last time i left his place. i didn't think i would be breaking it off before i came back. i left ALOT of stuff. all my guest bedding, pillows, sheets, towels, brand new lingerie, pajamas, new hair dryer, full set of toiletries, books.......and then there are the keys. he has mine and i have his, plus his gate/garage opener. sigh. theoretically, yes, i can leave that stuff. pay to have my locks changes and i guess mail him his keys.

 

i've never seen him get this nasty with me and i am thinking he has calmed down by now. the things i am thinking is.....if i leave my crap and have his keys....later on, when i am weaker and missing him more....he will use it as a connection to me. probably not, but as long as it's out there, i will be keeping that tie in my back pocket, for a rainy day. also, this guy is really lazy and selfish. i seriously doubt he would ever spend the time to box up my crap and mail it. he's just that selfish.

 

regardless, i told him i am bringing a friend with me, even though she can't go. he is so worried about preserving his 'good guy' image, that he most likely will NOT be there because he doesn't want to have to face someone who cares about me. another way of avoid consequences of his actions.

 

i'm thinking....i take the hit tomorrow. i am a little jacked up emotionally afterward. and then, it's OVER. i can really move on.

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officespace
Ugh, this is the lying loser who spent more nights at his wife's house than at his supposed 'apartment' that he'd moved into, correct? That's right, I forgot - he's Father of the Year and was at the marital home every other night so he could wake up with the baby at 2:00 AM and change it's diapers and breastfeed it.

 

I really believe that apartment is leased to him without his wife's knowledge. I think he uses it as his playground then goes home to wifey at night. I even doubt he's separated, he's such a liar.

 

she actually does know about the apartment. i mean, toward the end he was spending the night at my house or me at his apartment every other night. and actually, during his "toggle" phase around christmas (really playing us both), he took her over there to see the place. ha, and she got her electricity shut off at one point and he had to pick them all up and bring them to the apt. i cannot even believe i am admitting this but here goes.....a few weeks ago, i was doing my laundry there and wanted to fill up the rest of the load, so i went hunting in his HUGE pile of dirty clothes towards the bottom, i found something very interesting indeed. it was a satin victoria's secret robe, snaggle and old, but a girl's robe still. when he got home, i immediately asked him about it. he said it was the wife's, that she left it there the night they stayed over because of the electricity shut off (she sucks at paying bills; always getting stuff turned off from back when we were just friends). i let it go, but i think that was a huge turning point in my mind. i actually did believe him, because the robe was gross, but a) she obviously planted that thing there, to mark her territory. she knows about me. she's checked phone bills, credit card charges and she saw pictures of us on his computer. the son also saw pictures of us at one point. i actually met her 5 years ago and she was NOT nice. this was back when i was really big, 240+ lbs, and no threat. and there was absolutely nothing going on. when we went outside so she could smoke, first thing she said was "I'm sure you are aware that [MM] and I are having problems. We just got married so fast but we are committed to working it out." supposedly, she asks him who he was staying with those two night he didn't come home (before she told him to get his own place) and he told her my name.

 

anyway, i am getting off topic. bottom line: i don't want to be in a relationship, ANY relationship, where i am finding some other woman's robe or earrings. i don't trust him. i don't want to be with someone who even though he is with me on valentine's day, he is spacing out and thinking of her. he's not ready for a relationship and i don't think he can be faithful. there is so much i want to get out....embarassing details. i'll get there over time.

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zarathustra

Don't go alone if at all (if you can replace the items you listed and to change your locks). I remember that each time I went to pick up my stuff, it took a HUGE emotional toll on me. I had legal documents there for my company and my passport and we terminated our lease so I HAD to go. If you have the money, spare yourself emotionally. You know the saying "penny wise and pound foolish"...

 

Anyway, good luck and congrats for losing the loser. Thanks for your support when I needed it. I'm feeling stronger today than the last couple of days. Your support along with others have been so crucial!

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officespace

you're so welcome for the support. this place has saved me from going crazy. i am still flipping out today and the posts here from you girls have saved me from totally losing it.

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lovernotafighter

is the stuff he has of yours really that important to you? I say leave it...it's just stuff you know..it can be replaced...I'd just let it go.

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officespace

I didn't get my stuff again. I was so wacked out emotionally knowing I had to go pick it up that I got absolutely piss drunk on Saturday night. The next day, I couldn't even drive myself anywhere, so I didn't go. I email him and he was nice. I think I am just gonna drop it cause everytime i gear up to go, i get emotionally distraught. I'm not ready yet, I guess.

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Blind Illusion
I didn't get my stuff again.

 

 

I was wondering how you made out. Oh well, there's always another time if there is something you really need there.

 

I'm so bad at closing doors and making things final, I know me. I'd probably leave them for the longest time.

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Well, I've not been part of this thread til now, but I'd like to post a suggestion.

 

Set up a date/time that's convenient to YOU...don't worry about his situation. Tell him that you're going to show up WITH A FRIEND...if he doesn't like it, tough.

 

Then...show up with 5 or 6 friends...or more. INVADE. Swarm in with a ton friends, and just snatch up all of your stuff in a whirlwind of chaos. Realize that you're doing this in his house....this change in demeanor will totally blow his little control freak mind! Odds are, he's not going to have a clue on how to react. Just bring in a ton of people to help you...you stand in the middle directing everyone getting your stuff, and sound/look/act as happy as you possibly can...make it seem like you're having the time of your life while you're doing this. Be loud, smiling, laughing, joking and teasing with your friends...and simply ignore him. If he speaks, look at him, smile, give him a one or two word response, and immediately turn and start giving one your friends advice on how to carry the stuff out.

 

Again, invade...loud, fast, happy, and furiously busy like a swarm of bees. Be too busy to even carry any kind of conversation on with him...don't act angry...act too busy and happy to care about him...and then leave in that same whirlwind of energy before he gets any opportunity to corner you.

 

I garauntee this will leave him feeling totally overwhelmed and unsatisfied with how that went. And it gets your stuff back to you in record time.

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