Tips For Getting Over Your MM

[Aaurora_26]

Does anyone have some good tips on getting over your MM?

 

I am in a NC period right now, and I am not talking to him and seeing him very rarely. Even so, he is still on my mind 24/7! I just want to be free from this mental torment.

 

For the people who have gotten through this/are going through this how on earth did you manage?

 

Thanks

[curly]

read this thread

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/?highlight=guide+to

 

I hope I did it right... If not.... search for the thread ,,, guide to No contact... the long walk...

 

There is NO one thing that will get you through. There is no ONE day that you will be over it. THERE IS NOTHING TO HELP. And I say that in caps because it's true. There is nothing, not one particular thing, that will get you through. We all have our triggers and we all have our bottoms. Just know that eventually it ends. It might take a month, 2 months, 6 months, 6 years... it does end - eventually. Just hold on. Be gentle with yourself.

 

Read the thread. Good luck. Just know we're here for you to vent, anytime - day or night.

[OzGirl]

My MM and I were going fine, his W found out, haven't seen him since. Unlike a "normal" break up - we didn't have a fight, drift apart, lose interest, etc. It just ended. If he had died, it would have been easier, I think (I KNOW this sounds absurd), because I would have thought I was in his heart, etc. and thought it was fate that brought us together, fate that took him away.

 

But, no. The entire thing was romanticised in my head both in reality, and, as admitted above, hypothetically as well.

 

So, how to get through NC? Well, I caved. So did he. We had a huge fight after it happened - mainly me asking for an explanation, him avoiding it with no real answer that made sense. Exhaustion made me just think sometimes bad things happen to good people, and behave my way into a normal life, even though in my heart, I thought - he was the one. He's been and gone, and hope will never leave me he will return, but people spend entire lifetimes without a feeling for a day like we had for 3 years, and maybe that was my lot, and maybe I should turn into a positive and think how lucky I am to have had him at all.

 

THEN.... he starts to contact me... I start to let him. Over a few weeks, the trust was being tested and so far, all was going well. He was telling me how he made the wrong choice by staying with his W, and that he hated being there. Fine... I'm getting hopeful - but a little hesitant to really let it make a lot of difference to my day to day life.

 

Then... he said he wanted a few weeks to think about what he wants to do (ie, basically alluding that he was going to see if he really wants to be with his W). I think fine. Take as much time as you want. Be sure.

 

I then got a call from an old mutual work contact who asked me how Hawaii was. I said it was fine - haven't been there in about 18 years, but it's okay I guess. They realised I wasn't newly returned from Hawaii. My MM was, but I was not. Having done some investigation, I find out he's spent eight days there with W. That's what he wanted me to leave him alone for 2 weeks for.

 

So, now, I hate him without too much difficulty. Much like many W's say they take their H's back, but if he cheats again, his out. I let him start a friendship again, but second time it was abused, he is out.

 

To some people this might read like what happened was fairly expected - once a liar, always a liar, etc.

 

NC is easy now. I hardly think of him at all. Call me stupid for needing it to happen the way it did for me to realise, but there is now NO doubt in my mind what kind of person he is, and where his heart is placed.

 

Good luck to her - she can have him.

[OzGirl]

To be more specific - I don't know how you do it... I failed first go, and have only managed second time round because he gave me a reason to no longer like him on any level - as a person or as a friend.

 

The thing is - I don't actually know anything now that I didn't know before about him.

 

It was more about me.... I couldn't just say to myself it was "over" in my head - I'm a believer in second chances.

 

But I have a zero tolerance, without ANY difficulty for a third.

 

It's losing hope or expectation that it will get better by way of you getting closer in contact with him again. It's a grief process, but without absolute loss, and it's horrible. I know how you feel.

 

Get busy - occupy yourself. It's all I can say helped me at the time to stick to NC (before it was broken anyway). That and Gloria Gaynor's "I will survive".

 

You will.

[newbby]

read this thread

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/?highlight=guide+to

 

I hope I did it right... If not.... search for the thread ,,, guide to No contact... the long walk...

 

There is NO one thing that will get you through. There is no ONE day that you will be over it. THERE IS NOTHING TO HELP. And I say that in caps because it's true. There is nothing, not one particular thing, that will get you through. We all have our triggers and we all have our bottoms. Just know that eventually it ends. It might take a month, 2 months, 6 months, 6 years... it does end - eventually. Just hold on. Be gentle with yourself.

 

Read the thread. Good luck. Just know we're here for you to vent, anytime - day or night.

good advice. there isnt anything that will help you, but acceptance. going down with the pain, and eventually floating back up again, naturally.

sometimes though, i do find that using the feelings for my personal growth does help. that is, always learning from them, and noticing how i am reacting to things, trying to adjust my perspective, to make the pain a positive rather than a negative thing. which it is, if you are learning from it. make it about you, and not about him, because really, it is only about you.

[lovernotafighter]

Does anyone have some good tips on getting over your MM?

 

I am in a NC period right now, and I am not talking to him and seeing him very rarely. Even so, he is still on my mind 24/7! I just want to be free from this mental torment.

 

For the people who have gotten through this/are going through this how on earth did you manage?

 

Thanks

hey Aaurora..how do you see him sometimes? I think you'll never be able to rid him from your mind if you some how are still seeing him.

 

there is some great posts on this thread..thanks everyone..I hope I can use your advice as well.