Married but in love with an older man

[Ms. Thanh]

I am married with three small children. I love my husband but I am not in love with him. We have been together since I was 17, he is 7 years my senior, and I am 25 now, and all of my children are his. He is an alcoholic, and a cigarette smoker. He doesn't have a high school education and we are really struggling to make ends meat. I am truely tired of the financial strains and have met someone that I truely like. I am not in love, but I believe the potential is there. This guy is much older than I am , and financially stable. He has the things I want so that I can finish my Bachelor's degree in English, and then Juris Doctarate, and is willing to give them to me, he accepts me with the kids and all, and I like that about him. He is not the most attractive man, but he is fun to be around, the mature conversations that we have are invigorating. I just like to be around him. We have kissed and hugged but that was the farthest that we have gone. I am reluctant to sleeping with him since I am still married. However i find myself thinking of him constantly. I just can't get him off of my mind. Even when I am intimate with my husband I think of this man. He has told me to come live with him, and that he will give me the best that he has to offer. But I am still reluctant because I know that I will hurt my husband and my kids. I have another issue that when I leave my husband , because I know I am since I have been unhappy for a very long time, is this the person for me? Will he be able to satisfy me sexually? I love a little rough sex every now and then, and will be please me on this level. Like I said earlier I think of this man ALL the time, and I want to give it a try. Please help me come to a conclusion and mentally prepare me for the next step!!!!!

[goingforgold]

ouch! you're in a sticky sitaution, i wish i could help, but dont know what to say, i am in a similar sitaution, expcept mine is the other way around, i am single and like a married man:confused:

 

I guess you need to do what you feel is right, and if you're no longer in love with your husband, that in itself is a reason to leave.

 

**hugs**

[goingforgold]

...And if it doesnt work out with this other guy, you might just move on and find someone else...

 

And i know what u mean about thinking about that person ALL the time, its like they're permanently glued to your thoughts.

[LucreziaBorgia]

First things first. Divorce, but do it for YOU not for this other man. Give yourself a year before you agree to live with this guy, and possibly a year after living with him before you agree to marry him. Two years is enough to figure out if you are running toward this guy and not simply away from a marriage in which you aren't happy. What may happen is that when you are free, you may realize that the factors that led you to this guy no longer exist, and as a result your need for him in the context of an affair also no longer will exist. The last thing you want to do is trade one unhappy marriage for another.

 

Divorce, date this guy, finish your degree and move on with your life. Get your feet under you and become self-sufficient. Then, and only then should you consider sharing your life with someone else - including this man.

[Sami_D]

You love your husband, but he drinks and smokes and you don't have much money. He's the father of your children.

 

You want to better yourself through education.

 

You don't love this other man, but enjoy his company. He is financially stable and can help you with achieving your short-term goals of getting to university.

 

You're considering leaping straight from one relationship to another for (mainly?) financial reasons?

 

You know that your children (and H) would be hurt if you do this.

 

What exactly is wrong with your marriage? Why, is it that this OM looks like a solution to your problems? Can't you work on improving things with your husband first? What does he say when you talk to him about how you feel?

[brittanyjean259]

i dont think sex, is your main problem here....

 

 

its the divorce, letting your husband know...and the kids

 

 

good luck:)

[msthang]

Thanks for the input. I guess my problem is that my husband and I have had many, many, too numerous to name converastions about him, his goals, his problems, what we expect from each other etc.,etc., etc. I have been with him for a very long time, and I haven't really been exposed to other men, on any level other than strictly business from working and school. My oldest son is six years old, I try to ask him questions on how he would feel if we moved away from Daddy, his main response was Do you want to leav e Daddy?..... I was stuck because I didn't know how to tell him that I did. You all are right. I think I need to work on myself first. I am looking for an apartment that I can afford by myself. So I can learn how to get by without a man. it's just that for the last year I have been in school, and finishing before I am 40 is on my list of accomplishments. So I haven't worked in a good little while. But it is hard. I heard my husband telling one of our friends that WE were all that he had. It hurts to know that if I leave him, he would probably be lost. This whole situation has been on my mind for a long time. I could leave and live with friends and or family. but I don;t want to live withsomeone else. There is only one man and one woman to a household, and any more than that will cause problems. I think my husband is a grat person as a person, but as a husband and a providr he is not making it. I have to give him credit, he does try, but i don't think he tries hard enough. That's why I want an education to better our lives, if I have to wait for him we both will die living in some run down area in a trailer or something. I refuse to let that happen. I am stll confused, lost, and don't know what to do.