Newly starting on this journey of being "the other woman"

[lenny72]

Warning - Long story!

 

I never ever thought I would be in this situation but here I am. I am a 46 yr old female. He is a 56 yr old male.

 

This all started mid-February. A couple I am acquaintances with invited me over to play some card. It was the husband's birthday and there was much alcohol involved. I know the wife better than the husband but this particular visit I had some pretty deep, intriguing conversations with the husband and was surprised at how much I felt able to talk to him. It was strange just how in sync we were. So after the drinks and evening progressed he made a pass at me. This is not the first pass a married man made to me so politely shut it down and left. Unlike other passes made to me this one stuck with me for some time. I left it at that and carried on with my life.

 

End of March, I bumped into the couple again and was invited again to come have a game of cards. I very much enjoyed playing cards with them last time so felt all would be well. In previous scenarios where the husband has made a pass for me the situation is still the same. I continue to associate with the person but clearly with a friend-zone barrier firmly in place and it's never been an issue. Again I had a fabulous time over the card game ... really enjoyed myself. The gentleman though was seriously making moon eyes at me and repeatedly did low-key unnoticeable kindnesses to me throughout the evening. This was probably the turning point of the whole situation. I normally would firm up and set those boundaries but for some reason I couldn't stop myself from accepting his vibe to me. I have never felt so much like a princess for some bizarre reason. The evening started drawing to a close. The wife had too much so went to bed, the other person there disappeared after the husband leaned over and said something to him (found out later he asked him to go). It was him and I left alone in short order so I started packing up to go. He started up some interesting conversation and was holding and caressing my lower forearm (I so shouldn't have allowed it but didn't feel the will to resist) when the wife came down and started freaking on the husband. I packed up and left while she was yelling, took his house keys from him and pushed him out of the house and locked him up. He started following me walking home (I only live like a block away from them) and I strongly urged him to stay at his house and keep banging at the door until she let him back in. He ignored my advice and followed me home ... so I let him in. We spent the next 3 hours talking and it was so strange. I've never felt a connection with someone like this before. Towards the end there was a bit of kissing. He then went home.

 

OMG after this night I felt incredibly sick with myself. I live my life with no regrets and I felt regret that this behavior went against my values. I felt so selfish for accepting his attentions that made me feel like a princess. I vowed no more of them so avoided places I know the couple frequent. I pledged to myself to stay away from this man. We live in a very small gossipy town so while it's easy to bump into people it's also easy to avoid them if you know where they go.

 

Two weeks later I felt quite recovered from that night. I bumped into him by himself and I instantly felt so wondrous to see him. I was completely drawn to him like a moth to a flame and didn't seem capable of resisting his company. We ended up going for coffee and talking for hours. Then went for a drive where we ended up making out.

 

I am pretty jaded. I've never believed in such foolish things like "soulmate" or anything like this. I felt there are many people out there you can make a relationship work with but holy f**k. I seriously feel like he's the other half of me. We are so in tune and in sync it's ridiculous. Physically, he's not anything I'd look twice at but the connection between us draws me like nothing else I've experienced in my life in family, friend or other relationships.

 

After that meeting in mid March I did some more soul searching and made a choice I have to see where this goes. Connections like this just don't happen ... or at least have never happened to me in my life so far. We communicate vulnerably and fully not holding back anything. I've never felt this safe to lay my soul bare with every and any insecurity to anyone like this. So this is where it's at. We are into this thing. We have since been intimate a couple times but I think it's for my benefit more than his as he has some medical issues going on right now. It totally doesn't matter to me about that. I am so enamored with him I get almost high just being in his presence.

 

Some background on him ... he's been married since his early 20s. They have 2 kids all grown now and even observing them as a couple before this happened they didn't seem in sync. Talking to him has confirmed his feelings of this. They are different people now and probably not as good a match now in their lives. Before this thing happened with us I feel he's content with his lot in life and was content to live things out to the end with his current circumstances.

 

The struggles with this set-up: There are many things in being in this situation that are serious struggles for me. If I have a good day at work or a bad day at work I am not able to talk to the one I most want to. Also, I have zero control of when I can see him. If he wants to see me it's me adjusting my plans on short notice to see him. For now I've decided I can deal with this but I know myself and that I can't continue this long term. Also, it's hard to be so secretive about everything. I want to scream from the rooftops how amazing this thing is but I'm forced to keep everything on the down-low. I am a very open person so this has been a challenge.

 

My plans: Like I said earlier, I decided this kind of connection doesn't just happen every day. I'm going to see it out for a while. While the ideal would be if he was already separated from his wife, I know at this point if he did become separated from her I would be the catalyst, I'm not asking this of him. There are many financial, family, and personal implications to this that this is too new to pull any triggers. While I feel I know and care about him deeply right now I'm not convinced this will last and a shoe could drop at some point. I wouldn't want him to up-heave his life on something that could potential be fleeting. I also know that I can't play second fiddle for an extended period of time. I'm putting myself into this fully and not guarding my heart knowing I could be devastated in the end but I can deal with that. I can heal. It's a ROI decision. For how amazing this is I'm willing to risk all for the potential.

 

For now, I'm a mistress I guess. I know myself and couldn't be one of those 15 year mistresses but I feel I can check out this adventure for the next year or so.

[Amethyst68]

I'm not sure what you're looking for, congratulations on inserting yourself into the marriage of a woman who was kind enough to invite you into her home.

 

From your MM's actions this is not his first go at cheating and from his wife's reaction at his inappropriate behaviour it's not the first time she's caught him being too familiar with another woman. I'd get ready for a DDay if I were you!

[BaileyB]

You will “check out this adventure...”

 

Your story is a dime a dozen on this board. You can literally skip ahead and discover how this story will end if you read some of the other posts.

 

“How amazing is it that you are willing to risk all for the potential.” Amazing isn’t the word I would use. Foolish is the word I would use... Imbecilic.

 

Good luck to you. Your going to need it.

Edited June 24, 2019 by BaileyB

[HadMeOverABarrel]

1. You have no idea the big pile of doo doo you have stepped in.

 

2. Your soul-bearing conversations were about him searching your vulnerabilities for exploitation.

 

3. He and his wife are probably no longer in sync because she's exasperated with his constant cheating (as evidenced by her reaction). This is definitely not her first rodeo with this rodeo clown.

 

4. Your one-of-a-kind connection truly is as described by every other woman ever. I could have written it myself to describe my own story with xMM. I too had very strong boundaries but thought my connection to xMM was once in a lifetime. It was, just not in the ways I was hoping.

 

5. Welcome to LoveShack. Please read many of the threads here by other women like they're your bible. You're going to need it sorry to say. Keep posting.

[Beendaredonedat]

This all sounds like a story from Penthouse Magazine's Letters To The Editor section.

 

Anyway, please read back your own story to yourself and hopefully you will see how credibly self absorbed you are in this situation. Not once did you even consider the wife in this "amazing adventure" you have hooked your star to.

 

Anyway, I get the vibe that they may be in an open relationship. I don't know of too many wives that would kick their partner out and then lock the door so that he would have even more alone time with an interloping chica. It almost sounded like a setup.

 

Time will tell if they invite you into their bed or if I'm just getting a WT... vibe in general over the braziness of this 'letter to the editor.'

Edited June 24, 2019 by Beendaredonedat

[heartwhole2]

Your situation made me think of "The Mistresses' Affair Rules" from the Infidelity Help Group website.

 

Without diving into the obvious contradictions here, if you’re going to be the other woman at least try to do it with a degree of honesty, consideration, and integrity and follow some simple affair rules.

 

1. Don’t Do It

I know, rule number 1 is don’t do it?? Assuming you’re of the mind that this is your life and you’re going to live it how you choose regardless of how your choices impact others, then telling you not to do it will fall on your very deaf ears.

 

The ethical thing would be to sever contact with him until such time that he honorably ends his marriage to pursue a relationship with you. Instead, you’ve deemed that any harm caused by your involvement with a married man is an acceptable price for you getting what you want.

 

I won’t needlessly flog the dead horse, but it had to be said anyway.

 

2. Don’t Believe He’s Faithful to You

That might be a little ironic to point out in this situation, but it is what it is.

 

While in our experience it’s not common for cheaters to have multiple, concurrent affairs (though it does happen), we observe that men always continue to have/try to have sex with their wives throughout their affair(s).

If you happen to be in the unfortunate position of having a serial cheater on your hands (and it’s very common for a cheater to be a serial cheater) be clear that he will cheat on any woman with whom he’s involved, despite any love declarations.

Cheaters can be highly unoriginal and in our experience affairs are often shady facsimiles of their previous dating relationships. Trust that he’s used the same lines before, even if they were on his wife. Please take his promises, assurances, and declarations with a whole sack of rock salt.

 

3. Make a Condom Mandatory

Ethics aside, the intelligent and safe way forward in an affair requires some minimal precautions: Get tested and use condoms.

 

Unfortunately, you both bring your own sexual history to the table and then he goes home and shares yours with his wife. (And refer to 2 – despite his declarations, you might not be his first or only affair.)

 

In all of this, none of you deserve to contract an STI. But you have an advantage over his wife because you at least understand that there is a third person in the mix – she doesn’t.

 

You might not give two hoots about her but do the ethical thing, in this at least, and use a condom. Not all STIs are curable.

 

4. Stay Away From Their Kids

Don’t weaponize kids or use them to try to curry favor or as convenient cover. Using their children as a way to facilitate their father’s affair -even if it’s at his instigation- raises red flags about who you truly are. Woman up here – they’re kids – gently refuse to get involved with them until after he’s divorced.

 

Don’t screw their children up by giving them an obvious memory of their father being unfaithful to their mother with you. It will cause a negative dynamic with them if you become part of their lives legitimately, as their father’s girlfriend or new wife.

 

5. Don’t Make Friends With His Wife

In fact, don’t contact her in person at all, ever. There’s no legitimate reason to make in-person contact with his wife unless it’s your spiteful, deliberate, and malicious intent to gloat or cause an uproar.

 

There is nothing you can say that will help her, mitigate what her husband is doing, or make her think better of you (or him). She will see through any faux concern or solidarity (especially if he has dumped you).

 

She does have a right to know about her husband’s affair but she will recognize your own self-interest in you choosing to disclose the affair to her.

 

6. Observe a No Go Zone

Oh the thrill of having sex in their bed? Err … no. It’s seedy, it’s ugly, and it’s malicious. It’s the equivalent of a dog pissing on the carpet to mark its territory. Get a room. Seriously. Stay away from their home.

 

Whilst an affair is the opposite of respecting boundaries, at least respect property boundaries. Don’t spy, don’t stalk, don’t sit at the end of the drive craning your neck for a glimpse of him/them. This is her home, her life, her family, and her belongings with her husband. You are not invited or entitled to observe or experience their or her life.

 

7. Stop Justifying

You might postulate how monogamy is unnatural, how it’s an unrealistic artificial societal construct, and how you’re a free spirit and how you intend to carpe diem the hell out of life.

 

You might wax lyrical about soulmates, karma, free choice, and how a higher power wouldn’t have thrust you together (excuse the imagery) unless your love was for realsies.

 

You might indulge in invective about his wife’s inadequacies, imperfections, and unworthiness, contrasting those to your own stellar qualities, but please understand that you didn’t win in a competition with her – he’s involved with you because you are the kind of person who will participate in an affair.

 

You might genuinely consider any animus or vindictiveness you feel towards his wife as uncharacteristic and believe you are a good person. Does it follow that you’re a good person if you continue to cause harm while knowing that it is harmful?

 

Stop dressing it up: You are knowingly and deliberately complicit in harming another person because you consider it an acceptable price for your own satisfaction.

 

8. Pay Your Own Way

Cheaters are very concerned with how they are perceived and he probably delights in your thanking him for expressing his ‘feelings’ for you by spending money on lingerie and jewelry. However, we often encounter wives who are struggling to feed their kids (and that’s not hyperbole) because their husband spent the grocery money on a fancy dinner to impress his other woman.

 

You’re not impressed with dinner. We both know that because buying dinner is an unremarkable and easy thing to do – after all, you’ve been successfully buying your own food for years. Don’t be part of that hideous version of prostitution where you expect to be showered with treats or gifts as the upside to the inconvenience of not being his wife.

 

You knew what you were getting into – if you expect gifts as compensation for the inconvenience of your choices, why not just put a tariff sheet above your bed?

 

9. Don’t Insinuate Yourself Into Her Life/Home

Don’t buy him a dog, or give him a pet rock. Don’t buy him clothes or cologne. Don’t plant little mementos of you (love notes, lipstick marks, scratches, panties) on him. Don’t attend venues he’s attended with his wife and family, or try to hang out with his friends. Don’t send birthday gifts to his kids’ birthday parties.

 

Observe a clear demarcation between his affair (you) and his life (his family and home).

 

10. Don’t Indulge Your Affair Via Facebook

Don’t use social media to post pictures of the two of you together. Don’t post status updates about illicit love or passionate longing. Don’t post details of your hook up arrangements. It’s tacky, it’s unnecessary, and it’s smug. It’s also very unattractive to a married man trying keeping you on the down-low. If you feel the urge to try to get your relationship out from under the rock, refer to 5, 6 and 9.

 

It’s absurd to treat his affair with you like a normal relationship: If you want to do all those usual relationship social media things, hook up with someone single.

 

11. Don’t Get Pregnant

I know, you’d NEVER trap him like that and you’re insulted that anyone could suggest it. In our experience it’s abhorrently common for the other woman to try to trap the married man with a pregnancy. You might believe that you’re different but emotions can run high in affair land – and we’ve already established that you are prepared to throw your ethics out of the window if it means you getting what you want (refer to 1), so let’s not pretend here.

 

Oh, and refer to 3. Again.

 

12. Prepare Your Break-Up Song

I know – your love is different: It’s special; he’s different; he’s not a tawdry cheater; you’re not the stereotypical other woman; it wasn’t planned, it just happened. Refer to 7.

 

Unfortunately, if you have dreams of marrying him and living happily ever after, the odds aren’t in your favor. Understand that most affairs end – not all, but most. When you’re dreaming of becoming Mrs Cheating Married Man remember that his second marriage has a 67% chance of failing just because it’s his second marriage, affair aside. If you then factor in affair statistics, only 25% of the few affairs that become marriages actually last – added to the already dismal second marriage figures, it’s a rather sorry picture.

 

So, if you’re holding out hope that your affair-to-marriage will beat the odds, buckle up buttercup because only an approximate 0.13% of the population fits that demographic.

 

“A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position.”

~ Oscar Wilde

Edited June 24, 2019 by heartwhole2

[Happy Lemming]

There is a reason one partner strays from their marriage. You didn't force him to do anything, he made the choice and if not you... it would be someone else.

 

I dated a married woman (so I guess I am the "other man"). We were introduced by a mutual friend. I was supposed to meet my friend for drinks at this little dance club. Low and behold he brings this beautiful woman along with him and introduces her. We were all chit chatting and a song came on that she wanted to dance to, so I went out on the dance floor with her. After that song ended a slow dance song came on and I started to leave the dance floor and she pulled me back on and told me to hold her and slow dance with her. She then whispered a few "suggestions" into my ear and I became "aroused". When the song ended, she must have given a signal to my friend who took off and left me alone with her. After another drink, we went back to my house. She did tell me she was married before we became intimate, I didn't care. We made love and it was fantastic for both of us.

 

This woman explained that her marriage was horrible, that her husband never touched her and all he did was work. Even on his days off, he would still wander into work. She was alone in her marriage.

 

As he worked all the time, she & I would go on all kinds of adventures. We traveled and camped out under the stars. We talked and played. She reawoke and felt like a woman, again. I really enjoyed her company and everything was great.

 

At some point (maybe 6 months to a year down the road, I can't remember) she ended it, as she wanted to try to give her marriage another try. I was a bit sad, but understood and wished her luck.

 

About six months after that, she filed for divorce and left her husband. She did call me up and attempt to re-start our relationship, but I was dating someone else by then.

 

I guess my point is... I had a lot of fun and really enjoyed being the "other man". It wasn't my fault that I was placed into the situation. This woman would not have strayed had the husband paid the least amount of attention to her, but he didn't. And if it hadn't been me, it would have been someone else. So I am happy that I got to experience this wonderful woman and make her feel alive while she was with me.

[somanymistakes]

People claim all stories are the same even though they're very much not. That's not helpful advice, IMO.

 

So I'm not going to jump in blindly whining at you about how you're dumb and horrible or anything like that, I just want to look at the specifics of what's going on.

 

This married man made a pass at you the very first time you met. While you were at his home! With his wife there! Now, yes, he was a bit drunk. However, this is NOT how you treat a "princess". This sounds like the actions of a man who is used to pursuing any attractive woman who crosses his path, to see if it will work.

 

And you say you have experience with married men making passes at you, and that you usually brush them aside. Sure, you found this guy more attractive and more to your taste than the usual, but you should recognise this as very much usual philandering behavior, right?

 

You saw him again and he immediately hit on you again, with his wife there, again. And she got understandably upset, and then he took advantage of the heightened emotions to get you to kiss him.

 

Now you're drunk on the endorphins of forbidden love.

 

While you talk about never having felt a connection like this before, the story you're describing does not sound like a love connection to me. It sounds pretty clear that he pursued you out of immediate lust (you'd just met) and pushed your buttons. Add in the drama of the wife and the excitement of his focused interest in you, and right now the chemicals in your brain are going crazy and telling you that this is the most amazing thing ever.

 

That's normal, that's natural - and it doesn't, sadly, mean that this is love or anything that will last. But it certainly is exciting, isn't it?

 

So, what do you want out of this? Do you want to pursue a secret whirlwind affair and then break it off when it stops being interesting? If that's what you want, you might actually be able to pull that off as long as you don't get caught. It's risky, because it's a small town, but the risk is part of what keeps the whole thing spicy.

 

Do you want him to leave his wife for you? Because if THAT's what you want, I'm sorry to say, but the odds are NOT in your favor. The man you describe doesn't sound like he has any interest in leaving his wife, even as he mistreats her by blatantly pursuing other women in front of her. He knows she won't leave either.

[DKT3]

These stories are all the same. Those on the outside looking in can clearly see that, those on the inside dont want to see that. They want theirs to be different. They want their AP to be different, so they convince themselves it is.

 

Pattern goes, lie to yourself, we are just friends. Cross boundaries and swear it wont go any further. By now there is this once in a lifetime connection with neither has never had. Now here is where they vary a tad. Get caught, the woman usually gets tossed under the bus and is full of confusion as to how he could do that and claim it's not his doing. OR the woman puts too much pressure on him and he treats her horribly as a result. Again the confusion. Almost always ends with the husband staying married and the woman picking up the peices....yeah they are all the same, only difference is timing.

[d0nnivain]

So you feel a connection to this "Wonderous" guy who is willing to seduce his wife's friend in her home?

 

Your picker is waaaaayyyyy off.

 

Remember you chose to be a home wrecker. You should have said no to the 2nd card game. You also never should have let this guy in your house.

[bookworm28]

You are going to risk precious time for this guy? I had to read back. You ar a46 year old woman. It makes you look extremely naive or extremely desperate (I really don't want to use the word stupid but it did cross my mind). Neither is very attractive.

 

But of course it's your life, you can do as many mistakes as you like and get hurt in the process. The fun stops at hurting others, so please think about it before embarking on this adventure. I really don't see a happy end here for any of the involved. But, of course, it's your life.

 

In the meantime im going to bake some cookies

Edited June 24, 2019 by bookworm28

[somanymistakes]

These stories are all the same. Those on the outside looking in can clearly see that, those on the inside dont want to see that. They want theirs to be different. They want their AP to be different, so they convince themselves it is.

 

Pattern goes, lie to yourself, we are just friends.

 

So, the 'all the same' pattern goes... exactly NOT like the story above, where they never had any just-friends at all.

 

You're just proving my point that people saying these "all the same" bits aren't actually reading the stories at all.

 

But I agree that it seems pretty clear this isn't his first rodeo and it's not going to end well.

[darkbloom]

I think what everyone means about these stories being the same is that the concept of cheating is not new. I read this story completely, I never comment unless I read. But this is a dime a dozen story. The red flags are there and nothing in this MM’s behavior rings authentic and true “love”. The OP will get burned at the end of this story- no matter what advice is given.

 

Tbh, this is one of the skeezier schemes a MM has pulled. A move at his house with his wife there? Yuck.

[heartwhole2]

You were overwhelmed by small acts of kindness performed in front of the man's wife. These made you feel like a princess. Do you not normally associate with kind people (not that I'd call him kind)? Do you feel unworthy of kindness?

 

Connections like this just don't happen ...

True. He had to make moon eyes at you, perform some acts of politeness, get his friend to leave at the opportune moment, insist on coming in your house when you told him to go home, etc. He's not even your type physically. This didn't just happen. He had to work to make it happen, and you lapped it up.

[Amethyst68]

Having skimmed through some of your earlier threads I'm concerned you actually took him into your home when you have a young teen living there. Have you allowed MM to meet them? I really don't want details of your sex life (believe me) but I hope you aren't meeting up when your child is present.

 

Think about the type of example you want to show them, what advice what you give then if they were entering into this situation in the future or worse if they were the in the wife's place!

[FMW]

Cheating married men are very good at intense pursuit and laser focus (at least when you are in front of them). They can sense the weakness in a woman who is needing attention and they pounce, pouring it on strong. If an available man showed you that much attention you would probably wonder what was wrong with him. But since the MM is taken, he’s forbidden, and for a woman needing excitement and attention it seems intriguing instead of creepy. It creates a strong feeling of connection.

 

I think you will find that your plan to just see where this “adventure” goes for a year or two won’t work out well for you. You’re already showing signs of addiction to this unhealthy dynamic and that’s only going to grow stronger the longer you stay in the affair.

 

When he feels sure that you are hooked he will back off of the intensity and pursuit and that will leave you craving it even more.

 

My prediction is that you will waste years hoping for something to change and then even if you do end it you will spend another year or two trying to get over it. It will do a lot more damage to you emotionally than you can ever imagine.

 

Then you’ll be making heartbroken posts blaming everything on his wife and telling us all the reasons that “prove” that he really does love you, desperately wanting to believe it yourself.

 

Even your opening line has been used time and time again on this forum.

 

Maybe you’re an exception to this time proven story line, but I wouldn’t count on it.

[Secretgal34]

Your situation made me think of "The Mistresses' Affair Rules" from the Infidelity Help Group website.

 

Prepare your break up song is right. I didn’t even have a physical affair and I sing them every day. A friend of a friend had an affair with a married man for a few years waiting for him to leave his wife. She’s now 40 and in desperate need for a family. It’s kind of sad.

[mark clemson]

Will agree with most above that this is really not a good idea. It does sounds like the MM's marriage is on it's last leg if he's willing to try to seduce a neighbor in his own living room while his wife sleeps upstairs. That doesn't at all mean that "you'll get him" if/when they divorce.

 

One suggestion that may be important for you - talk to a family attorney (many will do free 1/2 hour consults). The reason is that in a few states there are laws that allow someone to sue a former spouse's affair partner, in some cases for sizable sums. It's not common but it does happen and is something you want to be aware of IF you happen to live in one of those states.

[SpiceCat]

It's doubtful that you'll find many people here who will encourage you to continue with this considering how many people stand to get hurt by it, and in the worst possible way.

 

You have a choice here. You are not seriously involved yet.

Edited June 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude

[elaine567]

A 56yo coming on this strong wants sex not a relationship. Sounds like he is a bit of an expert at this...

Old guys like this almost never leave, they have too much to lose.

They may do if there is actual abuse in their marriage or they have bagged a woman half their age who wants to give him more kids and play happy families.

But your average guy does not want to give his wife half his assets and go shack up with his OW.

He will want to stay married and have his OW on the side...

[DKT3]

So, the 'all the same' pattern goes... exactly NOT like the story above, where they never had any just-friends at all.

 

You're just proving my point that people saying these "all the same" bits aren't actually reading the stories at all.

 

But I agree that it seems pretty clear this isn't his first rodeo and it's not going to end well.

 

Yeah she did actually say she safely put him in the friendzone or some wording similar to that.

 

My point being they lie to themselves, they dont admit the attraction so they dont need the boundaries. That was done here as it is with most of the stories here.

[elaine567]

Yeah she did actually say she safely put him in the friendzone or some wording similar to that.

 

 

NO, she said she did that with previous guys who have made passes at her, but here.

"Unlike other passes made to me this one stuck with me for some time."

and

"I normally would firm up and set those boundaries but for some reason I couldn't stop myself from accepting his vibe to me"

 

This was full on from the start.

[lana-banana]

"I feel like I could check out this adventure for the next year or so" is a thing you say about a hot new coworker, or leasing a car that's above your income, or a similarly probably-bad-idea. It's not something a grandmother should say about hurting someone else. Seriously, why should you get to do something at the expense of someone else's marriage, family, and well-being?

 

That being said, a small part of me thinks the poster who suggested it was a setup could be right. Why would you lock your husband out of HIS house, KNOWING the other woman was a neighbor who lived within walking distance? As kinks go, it's not fair to do that kind of thing without making sure all participants fully understand, so maybe not...but it could be.

 

Kink or not, one thing's for sure: this ain't his first rodeo. A married man has you swooning and gushing and sighing about your completely unique, world-shattering connection after two meetings, and now you're at the point where you're thinking about what a long-term future would look like? He wasn't treating you like a princess, he was treating you like prey. And you fell for it. Someone with a healthier set of boundaries wouldn't have been fooled. What's going on (or not going on) in your life that makes him seem so appealing? Are you particularly lonely?

 

You are right to believe that this isn't going to end well. Turn back for your own sake.

[mark clemson]

Two weeks later I felt quite recovered from that night. I bumped into him by himself and I instantly felt so wondrous to see him. I was completely drawn to him like a moth to a flame and didn't seem capable of resisting his company. We ended up going for coffee and talking for hours. Then went for a drive where we ended up making out.

 

I am pretty jaded. I've never believed in such foolish things like "soulmate" or anything like this. I felt there are many people out there you can make a relationship work with but holy f**k. I seriously feel like he's the other half of me. We are so in tune and in sync it's ridiculous. Physically, he's not anything I'd look twice at but the connection between us draws me like nothing else I've experienced in my life in family, friend or other relationships.

 

 

About this: if you're like many people you may remember those really strong crushes you had in high school/teenage years? It turns out the brain circuitry that makes you have those is still there, just usually dormant as an adult. So, something about this situation/him has triggered that for you and you're romantically bonding with him. That, I believe, is the main reason for the depth/intensity of your feelings.

 

I'm not saying you don't have real things to relate on - no doubt you do, but no one ever "puts a spell on" us, the "spell" is in your own brain (and it's been there all along waiting to be triggered). Rationally, you're probably aware of the significant flaws here. But your emotions don't really care about that, so it's not changing how you feel....

[elaine567]

That being said, a small part of me thinks the poster who suggested it was a setup could be right. Why would you lock your husband out of HIS house, KNOWING the other woman was a neighbor who lived within walking distance? As kinks go, it's not fair to do that kind of thing without making sure all participants fully understand, so maybe not...but it could be.

 

If not a kink.

Moral of the story for wives.

Never lock your straying, lustful husband out of the house WITH the object of his attention..