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Need some advice please?


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SilentLucidity

Need some advice please. I am the OW in a five month affair with an MM. When I first met him he seemed really nice and he is still really nice. Of course he said he as suffering a lot of marital problems and that he didn't feel it would be appropiate to leave the marriage. I couldn't figure out why since they had no children. However three months in he finally told me that his wife is expecting their first child in September. So this would make sense. Yesterday he called me and asked me how I was doing and how things were and if we could see each other soon. Of course I said yes, I have nothing going on, and then he said something that was really weird. He said "This is going to sound weird but don't cheat on me", I sat a moment and laughed silently inside. Why would he ask me not to do that, since he is cheating on his own wife with me? I don't get that so if anyone else could shed some light on that I would greatly appreciate it.

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Because he's a selfish assclown who thinks it's all okay for him to have sex with you and his wife but would sh*t his pants IF his Wife cheated on him and would be pissed off IF you had sex with someone other than him..

 

All about the Ego..

 

AND IF he feels you (or his wife) cheating on him would be wrong.. then obviously he knows it isn't an okay thing to do even for him.. SELFISH would describe this dude.

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SilentLucidity

I kind of figured that Merin. Just wanted some more opinions. I thought it was an incredibly absurd thing to ask me. If he wants to stick in his marriage then I do not feel he has any right to make demands of me. That would be like me asking him to not cheat on me with his wife. I just found it to be a little absurd.

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Originally posted by SilentLucidity

I kind of figured that Merin. Just wanted some more opinions. I thought it was an incredibly absurd thing to ask me. If he wants to stick in his marriage then I do not feel he has any right to make demands of me. That would be like me asking him to not cheat on me with his wife. I just found it to be a little absurd.

 

It is totally absurd.. and I hope you will let him know that he has zero rights.

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SilentLucidity

I did one better. I called him up today because we were spose to meet at a park near his home, since his wife will be at work. I told him upfront that I thought it was ridiculous of him to make demands on me and it shows me just what type of person he really is. I told him if he wants the right to ask that of me then he should leave his wife. He said he couldn't because she is due in September and it would put too much strain on her. I told him that was fine but I'm not sticking around. That I'm still young, attractive, and single and that I needed to find someone single that I could have all for myself. He broke down in tears and I have told him that today marks the day of No Contact and that I'd like to be left alone. He doesn't get it.

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Originally posted by SilentLucidity

I did one better. I called him up today because we were spose to meet at a park near his home, since his wife will be at work. I told him upfront that I thought it was ridiculous of him to make demands on me and it shows me just what type of person he really is. I told him if he wants the right to ask that of me then he should leave his wife. He said he couldn't because she is due in September and it would put too much strain on her. I told him that was fine but I'm not sticking around. That I'm still young, attractive, and single and that I needed to find someone single that I could have all for myself. He broke down in tears and I have told him that today marks the day of No Contact and that I'd like to be left alone. He doesn't get it.

 

:bunny: Yay for you! :bunny:

 

Good Work! :cool:

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SilentLucidity

It's really hard because obviously I do have some feelings for him and his request was not the only thing that set me off. I've been getting to know him more and more and more and well he is weird. I find him to be very, I don't know the word for it and even if he did leave his wife for me I would feel bad for his wife and their kid. Not only that but I don't think I could ever trust him at all.

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Originally posted by SilentLucidity

I don't think I could ever trust him at all.

 

Exactly

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whichwayisup

You're doing the right thing for YOU! Who cares right now what he thinks/feels. The fact he has big enough balls to ask to you not see anybody else shows how selfish he is! Wants to have 2 women, have his cake and eat it too.

 

I know you have feelings, but you said it! Trust. Could you ever truely trust him???

 

I feel sorry for his wife and most of all, that innocent baby.

 

Leaving him and sticking to NC (no contact) is the only way to go - I think you know he'll never leave her for you, and also he is worth all this pain and energy? My guess is no.

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SilentLucidity

I certainly use to think he was. I was really smitten with him but as time went on and I got to know him better, and he isn't all that bad, I began to see things that I definitely didn't like. When he asked me that or made that request, whatever, that was the icing on the cake. It's like I told him on the phone, I'm just not that into you anymore. He of course keeps texting me and sending me emails. *sigh*. I will never get involved with another married man to save my life. This was just a poor decision.

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whichwayisup

I'm glad to hear you know that.

 

Funny thing is, his ego is hurting. He got used to having his cake and eating it too. Though, I'm sure he did have feelings for you, just not the fair and right kind of feelings for a long term relationship because he said vows to his wife.

 

Sorry for that pain. Better now than another year from now.

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SilentlLucidity: If only I and everyone else could be as strong as you, we would not need the support of these forums. You prove that ending these relationships can be done. Job well done!

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SilentLucidity

Thanks! You know when I was younger I might have stuck around and tolerated it, but now that I'm older in hindsight I see that its not really that feesible. I am not gonna sit around and wait for some MM to leave his wife and small child to be with me so I can be in her position years later. That is not a life I want for myself. That and now that I'm older too I can see things a lot clearer and this guy has some issues. It isn't just about cheating. He tells me one moment that he is real religious and his convictions are pulling him away but then the next minute he is telling me that he loves to (put expletive here). It's a myriad of complexities.

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SilentLucidity

Thanks! You know when I was younger I might have stuck around and tolerated it, but now that I'm older in hindsight I see that its not really that feesible. I am not gonna sit around and wait for some MM to leave his wife and small child to be with me so I can be in her position years later. That is not a life I want for myself. That and now that I'm older too I can see things a lot clearer and this guy has some issues. It isn't just about cheating. He tells me one moment that he is real religious and his convictions are pulling him away but then the next minute he is telling me that he loves to (put expletive here). It's a myriad of complexities.

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WTG, SL!!!

 

Personally, I think you did the right thing in walking away from this guy before he could do anymore damage to you or his wife. Says a lot about you!!!

 

And it's not surprising that he made that comment about you cheating on him...my wife had an online emotional affair about a year ago...and its funny because HE was getting jealous of how she acted in online games with other people...when here he was flirting with her and convinced he was in love with her while she was married to me!!! It was ludicrous to say the least...but that's how people are at times.

 

Anyway, stick with the no contact...and start looking for the guy who MIGHT deserve someone as good as you!

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SilentLucidity

Oh I am. NC is the only way for me. I have changed my cell phone number because I don't want to deal with him anymore. I never gave him my physical address so he can't pop in over here. I'm not sure what goes through the mind of a married man like that. I would like to think sometimes it's just about all sex, because honestly I didn't want anything real serious with him, thats gonna sound bad. But I knew he was married and I knew that it would never mature into something serious and his chances of leaving his wife for me were slim to zero. But then I got to feeling really bad for his wife whom is pregnant and then he made that demand or request of me and I said that is enough. I'm not going to get involved in something like that ever again. Too many single men in this world that aren't full of so much **** they'd float.

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Originally posted by SilentLucidity

I would like to think sometimes it's just about all sex, because honestly I didn't want anything real serious with him, thats gonna sound bad.

 

Hey a girl needs to eat just be more cautious about were you dine! :p

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RecordProducer

For a very simple and practical reason: he doesn't want you to transfer some STD to him since his wife is pregnant and the baby's life might be in danger. He is right. If you're going to continue to sleep with him then don't sleep with other men, because his wife is pregnant. You might think it's none of your business, but in health terms it depends on you as much as on him.

He is an ass hole for sure and if you want to continue this meaningless affair then be faithful to him until the baby is born. As a matter of fact some very simple infections like streptococcus might not harm the woman at all (you might have it and not know it), but be fatal for the baby or it can go blind.

What a jerk of a husband! God save women from those! :sick:

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SilentLucidity
Originally posted by RecordProducer

For a very simple and practical reason: he doesn't want you to transfer some STD to him since his wife is pregnant and the baby's life might be in danger. He is right. If you're going to continue to sleep with him then don't sleep with other men, because his wife is pregnant. You might think it's none of your business, but in health terms it depends on you as much as on him.

He is an ass hole for sure and if you want to continue this meaningless affair then be faithful to him until the baby is born. As a matter of fact some very simple infections like streptococcus might not harm the woman at all (you might have it and not know it), but be fatal for the baby or it can go blind.

What a jerk of a husband! God save women from those! :sick:

 

 

While I respect your response, I'm not that type of girl to sleep around and especially not one to sleep with anyone without protection. I'm no one's fool. The ones that do that are fools indeed and playing with fire. It had nothing to do with STD's as a matter of fact. I received an email from him earlier stating that he didn't want that because he is in love. But thankyou for the cute advice.

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RecordProducer
Originally posted by SilentLucidity

It had nothing to do with STD's as a matter of fact. I received an email from him earlier stating that he didn't want that because he is in love.

 

Of course, he won't tell you "Don't sleep with anyone else because I am worried about my wife and child. So far I didn't care who you sleep with, but now that she is pregnant, it's very important to me that I don't catch any disease from you."

I mean, how would that sound? He is not so stupid. Now please tell me he is not a liar either.

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SilentLucidity

Whoa lady. Just one moment. Did you not read my entire situation? SHE IS DUE IN ONE MONTH! I have been involved with him for five months. So he wasn't so worried then. Lol. Do you read the actual posts or do you just skim them? I am not the type to sleep around and he knows that. The actual thing is that he does not want me to go be with someone else. Everyone else is right and you're wrong. Thankyou though. It's cute.

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RecordProducer
Originally posted by SilentLucidity

I am not the type to sleep around and he knows that.

 

If he knows that then why did he request from you to be faithful to him?

 

Hopefully you're not going to join the club of OW who desperately wait for their MM to leave their families.

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SilentLucidity

Good god lady, read everything in the entire thread of what I have said thus far. I haven't answered any of his emails. I got my cell phone changed. One bit of advice, please read everything thoroughly before trying to give out advice.

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whichwayisup
If he knows that then why did he request from you to be faithful to him?

 

Because he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to be the 'one' in her life, even though he has a pregnant wife at home. What a pig!

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