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Because they are living a double life and do not have equal time to devote to each partner, the SO and OW/OM.. at the same time so out of ones life ( the other man or woman usually) while dealing with their main partner and the other party is made to take a back burner while the SO is front burner ( so to speak) They do it so casually and without concern or care because of the ego that they have you under their spell and you are not going anywhere.

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Why do they ghost and return like nothing's happened or changed? I find it interesting how one could have such little regard for others feelings and emotions...

 

 

Why?

I'm not trying to be facetious, as I really can't understand how an OW can possibly be surprised when their mm starts acting like a jerk. How can he be this way?

 

 

 

 

Honey, he's been showing you all along just who he is. Look at how he treats his wife! I know that might not matter to you, but look at it from a different perspective. A man who cheats on his wife, who in spite of what he might say, likley doesn't deserve it, has no problem with lying and quite frankly, striking a knife in someone's back. He may well look right in her eyes, tell her he loves her, everything's okay and he's happy, all while going behind her back.

 

 

He'll do all of that, and you're surprised he can ghost someone?

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Honey, he's been showing you all along just who he is. Look at how he treats his wife! I know that might not matter to you, but look at it from a different perspective. A man who cheats on his wife, who in spite of what he might say, likley doesn't deserve it, has no problem with lying and quite frankly, striking a knife in someone's back. He may well look right in her eyes, tell her he loves her, everything's okay and he's happy, all while going behind her back.

 

Indeed. The OW in this case is simply learning what it must feel like to be the wife.

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It's easier to come back to someone he knows is susceptible to his 'charms' rather than having to start from scratch with a new OW. If his attempt works with you he hasn't had to put any time or effort into his cheating, just a few texts a couple new lies.

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lol I am not surprised, just find it interesting how in so many cases, they come back.

 

I don't love my friend, or at least in that capacity anymore, but care about him as a friend. I don't have any interest in him romantically anymore. When he came back I told him I valued our friendship, and he seemed happy with that, but then he starts talking about sex and hooking up again...But I said I valued his friendship. I didn't say I missed our fling, I definitely do not miss the benefits. He love bombed me, but that is just crap. I responded because I was curious as to what had happened to him, but now I know and I don't care anymore.

 

It just surprised me that he would drop of the blue and act as if nothing happened and think I would be ready and eager to pick things up like before.

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lol I am not surprised, just find it interesting how in so many cases, they come back.

 

I don't love my friend, or at least in that capacity anymore, but care about him as a friend. I don't have any interest in him romantically anymore. When he came back I told him I valued our friendship, and he seemed happy with that, but then he starts talking about sex and hooking up again...But I said I valued his friendship. I didn't say I missed our fling, I definitely do not miss the benefits. He love bombed me, but that is just crap. I responded because I was curious as to what had happened to him, but now I know and I don't care anymore.

 

It just surprised me that he would drop of the blue and act as if nothing happened and think I would be ready and eager to pick things up like before.

 

He wants to have sex. He doesn't care about being your friend. If he wants to talk to a friend he'll chat with another guy.

 

 

Men don't wanna be friends. They just don't.

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It's easier to come back to someone he knows is susceptible to his 'charms' rather than having to start from scratch with a new OW. If his attempt works with you he hasn't had to put any time or effort into his cheating, just a few texts a couple new lies.

 

Yep. He is being economical with his cheating time.

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AShatteredHeart
lol I am not surprised, just find it interesting how in so many cases, they come back.

 

I don't love my friend, or at least in that capacity anymore, but care about him as a friend. I don't have any interest in him romantically anymore. When he came back I told him I valued our friendship, and he seemed happy with that, but then he starts talking about sex and hooking up again...But I said I valued his friendship. I didn't say I missed our fling, I definitely do not miss the benefits. He love bombed me, but that is just crap. I responded because I was curious as to what had happened to him, but now I know and I don't care anymore.

 

It just surprised me that he would drop of the blue and act as if nothing happened and think I would be ready and eager to pick things up like before.

 

 

How can you be friend with him? I couldn't, I don't want to see or even look at his face, but I sometimes bump into him as we work for the same company, luckily not the same department, but still ...it hurts when I see him.

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I was zombied too. I was incredulous too. Sure, I know he's a cheating bastard but the ego and audacity still stunned me. And I've been a BW, the experiences are different. It had no bearing on how I reacted to my zombie experience.

 

I told him he had rejected even the friendship part of our relationship by ghosting me. Our friendship was really important to me but he killed it by ghosting. I would feel the same about even a friendship that had always been platonic - unless they had a seriously good reason for disappearing.

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Indeed. The OW in this case is simply learning what it must feel like to be the wife.

 

 

I dfon't like how some do this to their spouse, and the same is true for the om/ow. Why do they think it's okay to hurt people like this?

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It’s mind boggling how they can do that and be okay with themselves. Mine doesn’t completely ghost but he distances so that I get the message. And then when I ask what’s wrong he denies, makes me feel ridiculous and needy and then distances some more. And when I “get it” and have accepted the no calls the no texts and i stop asking what’s wrong, he comes back with a vengeance telling me how he feels about me and how he misses me and begs to see me. And he’ll stick around for a few weeks and then the cycle repeats. Meanwhile I’m always wondering if today’s the day he’ll ghost me forever.

 

But how can we expect any better. Look what they do to their BS whom they love and actually make a life with. The OW or OM is just that... an “other”.

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It just surprised me that he would drop of the blue and act as if nothing happened and think I would be ready and eager to pick things up like before.

 

It can be difficult for a man to find an OW, someone he gets along with, someone who doesn't really mind he is married, someone reliable and discreet, someone who loves him and someone who will put up with any cr*p too.

So when at a loose end or having run out of options, or he thinks the coast is now clear with his wife's suspicions allayed, he comes back.

He assumes much, but it seems to me some OW cannot resist anyway, they fall back into line...

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Why do they ghost and return like nothing's happened or changed? I find it interesting how one could have such little regard for others feelings and emotions...

 

I dont think ex mm will be back. I told his wife he cheated on her again. But i also end it with him. over his lies.

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