Has anyone ever resumed an affair only to end it again

[AngelLove]

I ended my A a month ago but that all lasted a week before he was contacting me and tells me if I ever want to meet to text him.Not long after we met then fell in the same routine.We're still sneaking around and he won't leave his M.

 

Now I want to stop seeing him but I'm sucked deep in it again.Will blocking him after ending it again help?

 

Do you think he will stay away this time?How can I make it clear that I only want to be him if he's available and offer more

[imsosad]

Only way to make it clear is to not carry on.

If you're saying you won't have it, but in fact keep on sneaking around, then he knows you're not serious.

Action speak louder than words.

You say one thing, and do another.

Your only healthy option is to go NC.

You can look up my story. I know this is the exception, and not the rule, but my ex MM/now patner realised after months of NC that he'd rather leave his marriage than us being apart.

Mind you, I was married as well and did nit go NC as a manipulation tool, but because I honestly didn't want to participate in an affair. My intention was to wirk on my marriage, only after a year of NC, I realised I couldn't live without him.

NC gives a lot of clarity, but it only works if you work it.

Be strong and love yourself enough ti stop this sneaking around. You're better than that.

[Vivir]

Only way to make it clear is to not carry on.

If you're saying you won't have it, but in fact keep on sneaking around, then he knows you're not serious.

Action speak louder than words.

You say one thing, and do another.

 

This stop-start-false stop-start thing is the push/pull that everyone talks about here on LS. It will go on and on and on until you end it or he ends it.

 

End it before he does.

 

It is very important, AngelLove, that your actions and words match - especially when dealing with this man or anyone else with an opposing agenda. He will take whatever he can get, because it probably doesn't hurt him in the same way that it hurts you... so you have to know your limits and set your boundaries. Otherwise, expect this push/pull thing to continue for as long as you let it.

 

But to answer your question: YES. So many of us here, myself included, ended the affair and started it up again just to end it again later. Like imsosad says, if you end-begin-end-begin, he will not believe a word that comes out of your mouth if you try to end it in the future. He will just manipulate you to get what he wants; it will be like a game to him... until he gets bored... don't let that happen!

[BaileyB]

He will stay away if you have courage and conviction. The decision to end the affair has little to do with him, and everything to do with you.

 

He comes back because he knows that you will give in. Prove him wrong next time.

[Solenzara]

Only a million times unfortunately... It's really like an addiction to alcohol or a drug. When you start seeing it like that, it helps not thinking you're a weak person for caving in several times.

And like with any addiction, the only way to stop is go cold turkey, in this case total NC if he refuses to give you what you need. This will help you heal and you will make a statement.

Edited September 30, 2018 by Solenzara

[Hazyhead]

Yes. But if you are looking to end it in the hope that it forces his hand and he chooses just you, then you’ve not really ended it in your head. You can only convince him you’ve had enough if you’ve convinced yourself first. This happened to me and truly, I was done. After years of sneaking, he was divorcing and being open about me without a few months. I turned my back on anything else and I guess he recognised the difference.

 

However, I was so excited about starting a new life that I’d have been happy either way, because I’d finally found peace in myself.