Jump to content

How do you forgive yourself?


Recommended Posts

Littletoolate

I could never understand how anyone could be involved with another woman’s husband....until I was the OW. I am ashamed. The how’s and why’s of how we became involved isn’t necessary for the advice I’m looking for. It started as an emotional affair that lasted for 2 weeks, physical only once in the last week with a total time of 3 weeks. I’ve since ended things as I couldn’t be that woman anymore. It goes against everything I feel and believe and I just couldn’t do that. I was a little too late I should have never let it get as far as it did. No one could ever judge me as harshly as I’ve been judging myself. For any OW out there who felt shame and guilt, how did you forgive yourself? I’ve initiated NC. Blocked from all avenues. He has no way to get intouch with me unless he uses someone else’s phone etc. I know I won’t go back. How did you move on from your mistake?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Like any other mistake you make - you learn from it and don't repeat it in the future. I know you feel positive you will never do it again, but I would recommend taking a look at why you think it happened. If you don't understand why it happened you might unhappily surprise yourself in the future with something similar.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m not really (or much of) an OW, other than a very short kiss with a MM at a party. And I did feel guilty for awhile. I don’t really feel that bad about it now. I mean, I’m not proud of it and I go out of my way to avoid him. But everybody makes mistakes and I wasn’t the one who made the commitment to this woman in the first place. I mean, I know sleeping with him is “bigger”, but you’re not going to do it again. A mistake is a mistake. I mean, I’ve had people do much worse than that to me and I have been able to forgive them. And I figure one shouldn’t hold themselves to much higher standards than they hold others. If you can forgive others, you should be able to figure out how to forgive yourself.

 

(edit) and honestly, I still look back on it with pleasant memories. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but at the same time, I wouldn’t take it back. If she found out and was hurt, I’d feel differently, but at this point, I don’t think that is going to happen, and it’s (kissing him) not going to happen again. So overall it was a fun little experience and I remember it with pleasure.

Edited by Veronica73
Link to post
Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980
How did you move on from your mistake?

 

I was in a very dark place for about a year and a half. Eventually you get to a point where you realize there are really 3 choices: you end your life (and guess what, that MM won't care); you go on but you live in the shadow of your former self (we all know people like this - they whisper how he/she was never the same after something in their life); or you just let it go, realize the only person judging you is you, the only person you are hurting is yourself (and your kids and husband).

 

You say, boy I F'ed up there and you just start over. Because that is all you can do, start over. Life is short and precious. As long as you are alive, you can change, start over, be and do whatever you want. And you learn from your mistakes.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
treehugger12
I could never understand how anyone could be involved with another woman’s husband....until I was the OW. I am ashamed. The how’s and why’s of how we became involved isn’t necessary for the advice I’m looking for. It started as an emotional affair that lasted for 2 weeks, physical only once in the last week with a total time of 3 weeks. I’ve since ended things as I couldn’t be that woman anymore. It goes against everything I feel and believe and I just couldn’t do that. I was a little too late I should have never let it get as far as it did. No one could ever judge me as harshly as I’ve been judging myself. For any OW out there who felt shame and guilt, how did you forgive yourself? I’ve initiated NC. Blocked from all avenues. He has no way to get intouch with me unless he uses someone else’s phone etc. I know I won’t go back. How did you move on from your mistake?

 

I can so relate to your story, exactly 3weeks with MM (he sucked me in) always had the same thoughts as you getting involved with a MM. I too am married. I was so attracted to him and couldn’t control myself and didn’t think about anything else because I got trapped in the fog. It’s been a year and I’m still trying to get over it, one problem is that, I’m hung up on him, I hope your not hung up on your mm. I can’t believe how a 3 week fling has affected my life. Are you married? My marriage has been broken for several years which didn’t help when the opportunity came up. I’m still struggling...

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...