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I'm bored with my affair....


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I have been with MM for little over a year.Our relationship is purely sexual,he never takes me out because fear of getting caught.We never do anything other than sex then he leaves.

 

Now I'm finding myself wanting yo spend time with him which he isn't willing to provide.I'm bored with this arrangement and have no desire to continue.Is this normal?

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If a relationship isn't meeting our needs and isn't likely to change, it's time to end it. It really is this simple.

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If a relationship isn't meeting our needs and isn't likely to change, it's time to end it. It really is this simple.

 

Yep, it is that simple.

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I'm going to end it since he can't offer me more.

 

Has anyone else gotten bored with their affair?

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It seems to me that this is following a typical script... Affair begins, hormones are flying and everyone is having fun. Then, OW starts to want more. MM is not prepared to leave his wife but wants the sex to continue... assuming that you stay, the next step will be OW starts to make demands on MM and the fighting will ensue.

 

If this relationship doesn’t have the possibility to be what you want it to be, then you need to leave. There are lots of single men out there would would be happy to take you out and show you a good time. Good luck.

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Yes it's normal. He can't take you out so you're left doing his favorite thing and yours - sex. If you want more I would get a real boyfriend who does not have to keep you behind closed doors.

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Now I'm finding myself wanting yo spend time with him which he isn't willing to provide.I'm bored with this arrangement and have no desire to continue.Is this normal?

 

This can happen in any relationship. Either the relationship progresses or it ends. If you're bored or unhappy with the current situation, sexual partners are easy to find. Disconnect this one and engage some others. Plenty of guys out there.

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I'm not surprised you feel that way. It does sound one dimensional and boring.

What about him makes you want more?

When a MM cares about you, he will go out with you anyway.

Seems like he was only in it for the sex, it's better for you to end it and move on

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I always find this quite interesting. He's married. You knew that going in & accepted it? Have you talked to him about wanting more?It has a limited shelf life. Once the wonder has worn off the op wants more that the mm is prepared to give. Spare yourself a decade of back & forth waiting around, sneaking around, and just feeling inadequate... just start over with someone who can offer you your hearts desires and both of your needs can be met in publuc & private.

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I'm not surprised you feel that way. It does sound one dimensional and boring.

What about him makes you want more?

When a MM cares about you, he will go out with you anyway.

Seems like he was only in it for the sex, it's better for you to end it and move on

 

Yea I get the same impression too that getting his physical needs met is the only thing he is concerned about.I even suggested we go for walks to the beach etc to no avail.

 

And I just want more in general. I never find a relationship that is only based on sex unsatisfying because I always want more from a man.I know getting invloved with a MM isn't a way to go but I got sucked in when he told me he is going through a divorce--which is now obvious that it was just a bait on his end to suck me in

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I always find this quite interesting. He's married. You knew that going in & accepted it? Have you talked to him about wanting more?It has a limited shelf life. Once the wonder has worn off the op wants more that the mm is prepared to give. Spare yourself a decade of back & forth waiting around, sneaking around, and just feeling inadequate... just start over with someone who can offer you your hearts desires and both of your needs can be met in publuc & private.

 

Like most MM he gave me false hope by telling me that he was (is )going through a divorce.I was naive and fell for it.I went in with the impression that it will eventually turn into something more once he is free.I agree that now it's time to move on

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Like most MM he gave me false hope by telling me that he was (is )going through a divorce.I was naive and fell for it.I went in with the impression that it will eventually turn into something more once he is free.I agree that now it's time to move on

 

So sorry you were manipulated into this mess. But now you know what his deal is make a choice for you. When you know better do better. You are living the lie in his secret place. You deserve more than that.

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whichwayisup
I have been with MM for little over a year.Our relationship is purely sexual,he never takes me out because fear of getting caught.We never do anything other than sex then he leaves.

 

Now I'm finding myself wanting yo spend time with him which he isn't willing to provide.I'm bored with this arrangement and have no desire to continue.Is this normal?

 

Then end it. You want more and he's not wanting to. To him it's just an affair, sex and he leaves. He doesn't want commitment or strings attached.

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AlwaysGrowing
So sorry you were manipulated into this mess. But now you know what his deal is make a choice for you. When you know better do better. You are living the lie in his secret place. You deserve more than that.

 

It is easy to chalk it up to the MM manipulating. It doesnt require one to look at their own role.

 

If you want a fuller relationship is it wise to start a relationship with someone who is already in or not out of one?

 

What if you put your standards higher for yourself? Would you be more likely to find the relationship that you want?

 

What are we telling ourselves when we settle for less?

 

Course correcting our life is something that everyone has had to do, one only needs to decide.

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It appears up until 'now', the OP was fine with the arrangement. Now they are not:

 

Now I'm finding myself wanting [to] spend time with him which he isn't willing to provide.I'm bored with this arrangement and have no desire to continue.Is this normal?

 

So, as happens, she changed her mind, wants a more complete relationship which he isn't willing to provide and apparently now doesn't wish to continue the status quo and asks 'Is this normal'.

 

Is it normal to change one's mind? Yes! People do it every day. Relationships are always voluntary since humans are intrinsically free and have free will.

 

Once it became clear that no divorce was being prosecuted, it follows that if OP believed one would and was shown evidence to the contrary, then a new choice would present itself.

 

OP, BTDT, not only the no divorce thing but the lied about being married thing. People do what they do for their own reasons and make their own choices. It sounds like you're now ready to move on. Is that right? What will you do, today, to implement and enforce that choice?

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It is easy to chalk it up to the MM manipulating. It doesnt require one to look at their own role.

 

If you want a fuller relationship is it wise to start a relationship with someone who is already in or not out of one?

 

What if you put your standards higher for yourself? Would you be more likely to find the relationship that you want?

 

What are we telling ourselves when we settle for less?

 

Course correcting our life is something that everyone has had to do, one only needs to decide.

 

I do take my responsibility in my part in this..looking back it was highly unwise to get involved knowing he wasn't fully available (yet).I just thought my situation was different and it was a sure thing.I will just take it as a life lesson

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It appears up until 'now', the OP was fine with the arrangement. Now they are not:

 

 

 

So, as happens, she changed her mind, wants a more complete relationship which he isn't willing to provide and apparently now doesn't wish to continue the status quo and asks 'Is this normal'.

 

Is it normal to change one's mind? Yes! People do it every day. Relationships are always voluntary since humans are intrinsically free and have free will.

 

Once it became clear that no divorce was being prosecuted, it follows that if OP believed one would and was shown evidence to the contrary, then a new choice would present itself.

 

OP, BTDT, not only the no divorce thing but the lied about being married thing. People do what they do for their own reasons and make their own choices. It sounds like you're now ready to move on. Is that right? What will you do, today, to implement and enforce that choice?

 

 

Yes I'm ready to move on.Would you people end an affair in person or text?

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MidnightBlue1980
Yes I'm ready to move on.Would you people end an affair in person or text?

 

It's not a regular relationship. When a MM ends it, he ghosts you. If you text or email him, he will see it as a threat to his happy OW thing he has going on and try to talk you out of it. He will twist it around on you and you will feel bad and doubt yourself. He'll ask for more time and say how you letting him down.

 

I'd just stop reaching out or responding. Defriend him, block him. Go dark.

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Yes I'm ready to move on.Would you people end an affair in person or text?

The one in my sample anecdote I ended in person and then sent her stuff to her husband. No need to block/defriend/whatever (long before internet). Everything went dark after that. YMMV. I prefer such interactions to be in person. No ambiguity that way.

 

However, easy enough to change contact info (phone number/e-mail/social media) and go dark that way. Up to you.

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It's hard to understand why you would want more from a man who lies and cheats.

 

This is why I never date any man who's divorce isn't finalized.

 

Text is fine in this situation. End it and block him... unless you want to wait around for MORE lies and manipulation after sending the text.

 

It may be useful to send the truth to his wife... that way it will really end. She also deserves to know who she is married to.

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MidnightBlue1980

 

It may be useful to send the truth to his wife... that way it will really end. She also deserves to know who she is married to.

 

I disagree. It's not the OP's decision. She should not involve herself in their marriage.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Yes, I imagine I would get more than just "bored" by a relationship when the only thing the man wanted from me was my female body parts and I had to be a secret in every other way.

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I disagree. It's not the OP's decision. She should not involve herself in their marriage.

 

A bit too late for that. She's already been involved in their marriage.

 

OFFERING what's real allows his wife to know who she's really married to - and to get tested for possible diseases.

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whichwayisup
Yes I'm ready to move on.Would you people end an affair in person or text?

 

What's the point in doing it in person? This MM doesn't respect you, you two don't even seem to be 'friends', it's sex and that's it. He won't give you more and he has no intention of ending his marriage to be with you so just email him and tell him that you've changed your mind and aren't interested in pursuing anything with him and tell him to respect your decision and not to contact you again. You owe him nothing.

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