OW result in a baby

[TheRainbow]

Has anyone else here had an affair, and gotten pregnant? I had an on and off again affair with my ex-boss, during work hours, lunch breaks. It resulted in a pregnancy. I had him DNA tested, he's the father. I told my husband. He wants the other man to back off. So we're moving 12 hours away, then separating. The other man and I both lost our jobs when the affair came to light.

 

Anyone experiences something like this?

[Artdeco]

No experience.

But I don’t understand why, if you’re separating, he wants the OM to back off? If it’s the OMs child, he’ll be the one you’ll share custody with, and receive child support from, no? Why would you move 12 hours away if this is the case? Does your H want to be involved with the child?

[bathtub-row]

No experience.

But I don’t understand why, if you’re separating, he wants the OM to back off? If it’s the OMs child, he’ll be the one you’ll share custody with, and receive child support from, no? Why would you move 12 hours away if this is the case? Does your H want to be involved with the child?

 

I wondered the exact same thing. Sounds like compounding the problem.

[TheRainbow]

No experience.

But I don’t understand why, if you’re separating, he wants the OM to back off? If it’s the OMs child, he’ll be the one you’ll share custody with, and receive child support from, no? Why would you move 12 hours away if this is the case? Does your H want to be involved with the child?

 

My husband wants to be her Dad. He says he'll spend every last penny he has to his name to keep the other man away. I don't want the other man involved either. He was a mistake I wish I could erase. We are seperating because I want to divorce. My husband wants to stay together. My main thread is in 'infidelity'.

[stillafool]

Yes I saw your other threads about this exact same thing. We are also able to access the Infidelity threads over here so you will probably get a lot of the same posters posting what was written to your other threads.

 

What if the other man calls for a paternity test to prove this is his child? You and your husband can't deny the courts.

 

Also when you leave are you leaving all the kids (including this OMs child) with your husband? What are you two going to do in the future about revealing the truth to this child about their biological father? Is this fair to the bio dad and his child?

[stillafool]

No experience.

But I don’t understand why, if you’re separating, he wants the OM to back off? If it’s the OMs child, he’ll be the one you’ll share custody with, and receive child support from, no? Why would you move 12 hours away if this is the case? Does your H want to be involved with the child?

 

I completely agree with the above. I've never heard of a BS who is divorcing but wants to keep the affair baby as their own. You would think he would object to paying child support on a baby that wasn't his.

[TheRainbow]

Yes I saw your other threads about this exact same thing. We are also able to access the Infidelity threads over here so you will probably get a lot of the same posters posting what was written to your other threads.

 

What if the other man calls for a paternity test to prove this is his child? You and your husband can't deny the courts.

 

Also when you leave are you leaving all the kids (including this OMs child) with your husband? What are you two going to do in the future about revealing the truth to this child about their biological father? Is this fair to the bio dad and his child?

 

Our lawyer says that the court is on his side and the other man, who is currently unemployed will have an uphill battle. Also the longer he waits or has knowledge of this other child before doing anything legal about it, will also greatly hurt in his favour. The last contact my husband had with the other man's wife said she was going to file for divorce from the other man. So by moving away, we're making it that much harder for the soon to be divorced, unemployed other men who have two kids as his own.

 

As for my husband and I, we'd share custody equally. I'm a good mother as he is father.

[TheRainbow]

I completely agree with the above. I've never heard of a BS who is divorcing but wants to keep the affair baby as their own. You would think he would object to paying child support on a baby that wasn't his.

 

HE has 100% bonded to this baby. We had planned to have a baby before I started up the affair again. He has fertility issues, and he is in his early 40's so I think in his mind this is the last chance he'll have from having a second child. He always said he wanted to have his kids by the same mother. We have a ten-year-old. As he is a beta in our relationship, everywhere else he is alpha, and he has a strong dislike for this other man.

[somanymistakes]

I completely agree with the above. I've never heard of a BS who is divorcing but wants to keep the affair baby as their own. You would think he would object to paying child support on a baby that wasn't his.

 

If you read her whole story, her husband appears to have a bit of a rescuer complex, so it makes sense that he would be happy to take on a child that he feels might otherwise be stigmatised or not have the best things in life.

 

(I can't remember whether he has any children of his own, either. If he doesn't, that might also factor into the decision.)

[TheRainbow]

(I can't remember whether he has any children of his own, either. If he doesn't, that might also factor into the decision.)

 

We have a ten year old daughter, who is his. She was the only reason why I believe to this day we did get married in the first place.

[Artdeco]

So you had another child with another man, before you got M to your current H? Is this other child supposed to be moving, too? Where’s her bio dad?

[JuneL]

Are you sure your daughter won’t grow up resenting your blocking her biological father in her life completely? Did your husband have girlfriends before you? He’s acting like all the other women in this world are extinct. Maybe you guys can have an open marriage? Like I said in your other thread, if you need to have sex with other men and he’s the one begging you to stay, I don’t see why you should follow the social convention.

[TheRainbow]

So you had another child with another man, before you got M to your current H? Is this other child supposed to be moving, too? Where’s her bio dad?

 

I have two kids.

 

One with my husband, which was conceived before we got married. I found out I was pregnant, we got engaged and when she was a few months old, we got married.

 

My second baby was the result of an affair I had with my (ex)boss (we had an affair, stopped it, only to restart it up again), who was also married. My husband and I were trying at the time to conceive but he had male factor fertility issues.

[TheRainbow]

Did your husband have girlfriends before you? He’s acting like all the other women in this world are extinct.

 

He had a few short term relationships before me. He was 30 and I was 19 when we started dating.

[stillafool]

You've got a point June. They should both be free to have sex with whomever.

 

I'm just worried about this baby not knowing that she was basically stolen from her bio dad and how that is going to affect her future relationship with these parents.

[TheRainbow]

You've got a point June. They should both be free to have sex with whomever.

 

I'm just worried about this baby not knowing that she was basically stolen from her bio dad and how that is going to affect her future relationship with these parents.

 

I did ask my husband this. It's not as if that hasn't crossed my mind. All he said was, who can better provide for her and that he was the one who supported me during my pregnancy, and that he was the one who bought and continues to buy everything for her, is emotionally and financially there for her.

[bathtub-row]

Your husband taking on the child isn’t something that’s likely to last. If nothing else, you need to be prepared for that eventuality.

 

Also, I think it’s wrong to keep the child from its father. This is her life you’re talking about. Once she goes through her childhood not having gotten to know him, you cannot give that lost time, those lost memories back to her. I hope you give this some more thought.

Edited June 14, 2018 by bathtub-row

[TheRainbow]

I doubt that he'd abandon Faith. We've been together for 13 years, married 10 which from six months until a month ago, I've cheated over and over and over again. He keeps taking me back. I'm signing a lease on an apartment, but he's all ready to move in with family and pay the rent on the condo we were supposed to move into so that the kids and I can live comfortably until I find a job.

[anika99]

Your husband taking on the child isn’t something that’s likely to last. If nothing else, you need to be prepared for that eventuality.

 

Also, I think it’s wrong to keep the child from its father. This is her life you’re talking about. Once she goes through her childhood not having gotten to know him, you cannot give that lost time, those lost memories back to her. I hope you give this some more thought.

 

Not necessarily, regarding her husband not continuing to care for the child. I got pregnant at 16 and never married the father but we were together for about 8yrs. He and I had a toxic relationship. Lots of vicious fighting, deceit and break ups. During one of our longer breakups I had a short rebound relationship that didn't last but I got pregnant again. My ex was aware that I had become pregnant by someone else and we were only in contact as friends during the pregnancy but after my baby was born we got back together.

 

I was pretty leery about it as I was certain he would treat my baby different from the son we had together. That never happened. He bonded with the baby and truly loved him. When that child was 5 we broke up for good and he continued to treat both kids as his own. He loved them both. Now they are all grown up and oddly my ex is closer to the child that is not biologically his as they are more alike.

 

I think the OP is in a similar situation in that her and her husband share a biological child, therefore he's never just going to disappear and if he already loves the youngest then it only makes sense that he will continue to include that child in his life

[stillafool]

I doubt that he'd abandon Faith. We've been together for 13 years, married 10 which from six months until a month ago, I've cheated over and over and over again. He keeps taking me back. I'm signing a lease on an apartment, but he's all ready to move in with family and pay the rent on the condo we were supposed to move into so that the kids and I can live comfortably until I find a job.

 

So are you saying once the divorce goes through you will have custody of all 3 kids?

[TheRainbow]

So are you saying once the divorce goes through you will have custody of all 3 kids?

 

I don't have three kids. I don't know where everyone is getting that I have more than two kids. One born in 2008 and one born in 2018. But we had agreed on 50-50 physical and legal custody.

Edited June 15, 2018 by TheRainbow

[Adotta]

Here is my take.

 

Basicly your husband is a super desperate to please beta. He is super nice and super supportive. He would rip his own spine out for you if you asked. He will forgive ANYTHING you do to him. He lives to breath the same air you do. He lives to make others happy. (Your husband was raised to a be a pansy. Blame feminism I say.)

 

You know these qualities SHOULD be great, but like most women you have realized you prefer men with a backbone. Ones who take charge and don't take ****. You respect your husband as a father and a provider, but look down on him as a partner. He is a wimp. He has failed **** test after **** test. (Look it up.) He doesnt respect himself so you can't respect him either.

 

Here is what I would do if I were you. Tell the OM that he has a baby on the way. Let him decide if he wants to be a father for the child. If he doesn't fine let your husband be the father. The OM has a right to be the father of his child. Your husband doesn't have any right to that child. It's sad to say. I know your husband probably loves that child to death, but that is irrelevant.

 

Then you need to divorce your husband. Like asap. Your destroying a man too weak to do what's good for himself. You keep saying you want out, but what the hell have you done to actually end your marriage? Your husband has not chained you to a radiator. He has not threatening you. Why the hell do you even care what his opinion is on divorce at this point? Stop trying to spare his feelings or wait for him to come around. Its cruel.

 

Your willing to constantly cheat on him which is one of the cruelest things you can do to a man, but you are unwilling to divorce him because he throws a fit or two? That's ****ed imho. Just cut him loose. He is no longer your responsibility. Contact his family and friends and inform them your stbxh will need their help because you are leaving him. Tell them how desperate he is and that he absolutely will need a lot of support.

 

And to finish. Send your husband to this site or to surviving infidelity forums if your scared of him finding your posts. I honestly don't think you're scared of him reading what you write because you seem very matter of fact concerning him.

 

You have to put an end to this **** show. It's pathetic. Both you and your husband are acting pathetically. I'm not trying to insult you. I honestly respect you for your frank honesty, but your probably trying to save your husband pain without realizing your making it worse. Tear off the band aid. It's the only way to heal.

[ViridianBlue]

I have to agree with Adotta here on almost all points aside from the feminism part

This is a ****show of the highest degree. Cut your Husband loose allow AP to be a father to his child. Keeping a child from their bio dad is just flat out wrong if he wants to be involved and can be a good dad. I can barely spin my head around this one, no offense.

[carhill]

OP, here's a good thread to read:

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/624500-ow-almost-2-years-now-pregnant-terrified-updated?

 

In this thread, about a month ago, you titled it that your husband won't divorce...

 

I Keep Cheating, but My Husband Doesn't Want to Divorce

 

Apparently, now he wants to move and separate. Progress?

 

Reading this thread, I thought this pregnancy thing was recent but with the other thread in play it's about a child who's been here for years. No salient advice, just best wishes for the children involved.

[noelle303]

Well, I have a daughter by my xMM who's 7. He knows about her, as well as his whole family. She goes to his house every other weekend and he pays child support. He loves her very much and very much treats her as a part of his family, his wife loves her too as well as his kids.

 

My main question is - does your xMM want contact with his daughter? If the answer is yes - then you and your husband have no say in the matter. The biological father has every right to see and have contact with his child and your child has every right to have contact with him.

 

I'm sorry, but that's the truth.