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So tired of being the other woman.


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 18th May 2018, 5:12 AM   #1
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So tired of being the other woman.

I met a man 7 years ago. We were both single. We live 3 hours away from each. After being together for a year he met someone. He moved in with her. They arent married. But we never stopped seeing each other. We saw each other every few months at first hardly ever talked ur badic Fwb I guess. Over the year things have gotten complicated.

We talk almost every day all day. Except when he is home on the weekends. I stay with him out of town for 2 or three days a week. We have been through so much over the years we might as well be in a real relationship. This week he told me that I had disappeared and he went looking for me and that's the only reason he ended up with her and not me and he regrets it in a way. I remember it different he actually to me he found someone and broke my heart so I backed off and stopped talking to him until he showed up at my door one day.

I hurt all the time I love him so much it feels like I am getting torn apart literal physical pain. Hes sees it and feels feels it but never fixes it he tries to talk to me and comfort me and explain how much he loves me.. even backed off on sex and is just talking me through it. But it's to late I would never try to hurt anyone and go out of my way to keep his relationship and family safely ignorate they have been together for 6 years and I've just been on the outside.

I'm tired of hurting but am having such a hard time letting him go. He loves me too we talk and love and understand each other more better than most old married couples. Bad timing is that what it all comes down to? I've wasted so much time waiting on him .

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Old 18th May 2018, 7:15 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by angelx30 View Post
explain how much he loves me..
While he may feel love for you he doesn't love you in the way you need, IMO if he doesn't love you enough to make a commitment to you then you need to let him go, go find someone that is healthy for you.
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Old 18th May 2018, 8:42 AM   #3
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Angel, I get it. He may love you, but not enough. Not enough to divorce his wife and be with you full time. Sure the talks are great and the time you spend together is wonderful, but then he goes home to his wife.

You'll know when you get really tired of being the OW because that's when you will walk away.
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Old 18th May 2018, 2:11 PM   #4
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There is nothing stopping you from making another decision...

I must say, if I was dating someone and he met another woman and moved in with her... he wouldn’t be welcome in my bed anymore.
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Old 18th May 2018, 2:16 PM   #5
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Life sounds great for him. He's got new girlfriend and he's got you as well. Why should he want to change anything?

If you're not happy with this setup, you need to be the one to push for change, because he has no reason to do so.
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Old 19th May 2018, 6:37 AM   #6
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I don't really understand your question. It sounds to me like someone holding their hand over the stove saying, "This hurts! So tired of hurting!!"... while continuing to hold their hand there.

It is perfectly within your power to stop the hurting and tiredness and to leave this sorry ass of a "man". In fact, I honestly cannot see any reason why you wouldn't. You don't even have the kind of "justification" that many affair partners use - you can't say that he'd rather be with you but is staying for the children and the house, yadda yadda. He had already known you when he met her and still chose to be with her instead.

In your place I would send his partner proof of his infidelity, and block him.
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Old 22nd May 2018, 10:34 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by angelx30 View Post
I hurt all the time I love him so much it feels like I am getting torn apart literal physical pain. Hes sees it and feels feels it but never fixes it he tries to talk to me and comfort me and explain how much he loves me..



i can understand how you feel... did you talk about this with him..? why is he with both of you? what is his reason/excuse..?
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Old 22nd May 2018, 12:02 PM   #8
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Emotional attachment is a bugger when it comes time to balance it with personal health.

Disclosure is a great way to rip the bandaid off.

Expect to be made out as a bad person as the unfaithful person circles their wagons. Normal.

The problem with these lingering attachments is the single person (you) often forecloses otherwise healthy partners who would make commitments because the person is still attached to the affair partner.

The 'hurt' you're feeling IMO is your own psyche informing you of an unhealthy attachment. Love and relationships shouldn't be a source of constant emotional pain. You have the power to change that. Good luck and welcome to LS.
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Old Yesterday, 12:19 AM   #9
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It’s going to hurt like hell at first, but when you choose to remove yourself from this situation, everything will get better.

Imagine all the life you’ve missed out in the last 7 years of devoting yourself to someone who is not devoted to you.
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