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Having second thoughts about a friends with benefits relationship. He's married


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 5th March 2018, 11:11 AM   #1
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Unhappy Having second thoughts about a friends with benefits relationship. He's married.

I meant this guy in a online chat room 1 year ago. We became good friends. But now we've decided to be FWB. I found out that he's married 3 months ago. But still the sexual attraction was still so strong. So that's when we decided to have this kind of hook up thing. I'm worried because he seems jealous of other guys,tells me I can own his winky,that he's thinking of me and needs to hear from me a million times a day or seems like it. All this and we haven't even hooked up yet. I know what the limits are in this situation and he says that he does too. But I'm not so sure. I'm not a home wrecker. Do you think he's interested in more than sex? I'm not at all. Can this workout? I know I'm setting myself up to be judged. I appreciate any feedback. Thanks
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Old 5th March 2018, 11:16 AM   #2
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It's best to avoid married people unless they have an open relationship which their spouse is willing to verify. There are lots of unattached people who want what you want - find one of them.
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Old 5th March 2018, 12:07 PM   #3
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No, it cannot work out..nothing good will come of this. The ONLY way you can fix this is to cut this man out of your life completely and forever.

Go read up in the OW/OM section for a healthy dose of reality.
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Old 5th March 2018, 1:08 PM   #4
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Perhaps all he wants is sex. Of course, this brings up the question: if all he's looking for is sex, why can't he just get that from his wife, and why did he have to go find that person online? Sex is sex, if that's all you're looking for. He could have random hook ups with strangers...there's no need to befriend someone first and build a relationship outside of sex if that's all he's looking for. More likely, he's looking for some form of escape beyond just sex. He began by starting an online friendship with you, which tethers you beyond sex. He's shown jealously and wants attention from you outside of having a physical relationship, which also implies that its about more than just sex.

Basically, all you've told us about him is that he's clingy, jealous and a liar (Assuming that he hasn't informed his wife about you)...do you even want that to work out?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seducedbypassion View Post
I found out that he's married 3 months ago. So that's when we decided to have this kind of hook up thing[...]I'm not a home wrecker.
You're actively choosing to begin an affair with a married man. Home wrecking is what happens when he gets caught...which will happen eventually. Home wrecking also happens as he shifts focus from his family and starts to prioritize you...which will happen too.
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Old 5th March 2018, 1:17 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seducedbypassion View Post
I'm not a home wrecker.
Yet.

It sounds like this guy wants to start a full-blown affair with you. Unless you love drama, find an unmarried man as a FWB.

What was the online chat room about?

Also, as an aside, any man who calls his junk his "winky" would be a hard pass for me.
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Old 5th March 2018, 1:32 PM   #6
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Girl he is trying to groom you.
I would stay far away from this. It screams mess..
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Old 5th March 2018, 1:34 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post

Also, as an aside, any man who calls his junk his "winky" would be a hard pass for me.
I laughed so hard at that. All I could imagine was a dude with a raging boner saying "Girl u know u want this winky"
Oh man.
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Old 5th March 2018, 1:43 PM   #8
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Right. So how many friends do you have that keep their marital status from you for 9 months?
You describe your relationship as "good friends". How can you be close with someone, when you don't know the first thing about then?
This has heartbreak and disaster written all over it.
The chances of him wanting more than just sex are next to nill, but read this board for a while and you'll find that while the men stay in that state of mind, the women generally form a strong emotional attachment to the married guy.
He could disappear after you have sex.
You might meet up and find all the online attraction doesn't translate in to real life.
You could have a strictly sexual affair and when his eife finds out, smear you all over social media.
Lots of things can happen, all of them scenarios you want to avoid.
You can still remain dignified and maintain boundaries. Tell him you do not want to be his dirty secret, cut off all ties and invest your time and energy in to healthy, fulfilling goals and relationships.
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Old 5th March 2018, 2:28 PM   #9
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It's not called "friends with benefits" when someone is married, it's called an affair. And your title is officially, "the other woman."

But, you haven't even hooked up yet? So, it's actually an emotional affair... with a man who seems jealous and controlling when he has absolutely no right to be -- considering that he is married to another woman.

Seriously, what do you hope to get out of this little affair? Because, in the cost benefit analysis, I'm struggling to come up with any benefit for you.

Save yourself a ton of pain and get out now! Be a woman of integrity. Otherwise, you will be a homewrecker and your life will never be the same... this has DISASTER written all over it...
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Old 5th March 2018, 2:32 PM   #10
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This does not sound like a good idea to me.
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Old 5th March 2018, 2:48 PM   #11
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I agree with the other poster. This isnít an FWB situation. On the other hand, you might want to ask yourself how you can still be turned on by a guy who has blatantly lied to you, and committed his life to someone else VERY RECENTLY. It begs the question: what ELSE is he lying about??
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Old 5th March 2018, 3:08 PM   #12
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He's a married sleaze bag.

Delete him and all thoughts of him and look for a good single guy.

Poppy.
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Old 5th March 2018, 4:10 PM   #13
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Somehow you'll need to look into the reasons you're entertaining this idea with this man.

Is it that you don't want a "real" relationship? If so, why not?

Is it due to low self-esteem? You may unconsciously think that you do not deserve better.

Only you can answer these questions.

I'd be very afraid of his jealousy. Aren't you?
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Old 5th March 2018, 5:39 PM   #14
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The internet is swarming with married men looking for a side chick. I understand the temptation, as these married men are often more appealing as men than single ones. And if you can believe what the majority of them say, there are a lot of lazy, unappreciative wives out there. I myself was recently tempted by an internet "friend" who's unhappily married. I NEVER imagined I'd be tempted by someone like this, but somehow he captured a glimmer of interest.

All I had to do was read up on the experience of being "the other woman" to realize what a bad idea it would be to meet him. Once you go there, you can't ever go back.
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Old 5th March 2018, 8:22 PM   #15
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You're not a homewrecker, he is the one cheating on his wife and betraying her, but you are helping him hurt her in the worst way possible.

If you want it over, end it. He is married and isn't going to leave his wife and family to start a new life with you. What you're doing is only going to hurt you as time goes on and you fall deeper for him and become more attached.

Don't you think you deserve a single guy who you don't have to hide and lie to your friends and family about him? I'm guessing they don't know you are having an A with a MM.

The choice is yours, get out now and grieve the loss, then when the timing is better, date (single) guys.
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