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Anyone's OM/OW have to move out of state after DDay? [UPDATE: IT"S OVER]


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Old 26th February 2018, 5:16 PM   #106
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I saw him today, we talked . He is 100%moving. Most likely to California, but definitely out of state. I have chosen to remain friends with him and will will remain friends even after he's gone. My heart is broken. His heart is broken . It's been a sad day. He said he will focus on his mom and kids from now on but as a man he feels dead inside. I love him. And even though I'm not his choice, I understand his choice. I won't kick him while he's down. He has to give up the life he worked so hard to build here. It's our own fault. But you know when you get caught up in these things you don't realize the full extent of the damage that will be done. I will miss him , I will move on with my life. And remain friends from a distance. I hope he is able to rebuild his life and be happy and I hope the same for myself. As to admitting to the affair, i don't think he admitted fully, he has made it look like and EA not physical but he did admit to her that he has feelings for me.
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Old 26th February 2018, 5:44 PM   #107
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It's our own fault. But you know when you get caught up in these things you don't realize the full extent of the damage that will be done.
This is true. You might have an idea but you’re so caught up in the midst of the high that you have no idea the world of hurt that will come when it’s over.

Your words seem very strong and hopeful. I wish I had an ounce of that strength in me today. I’m struggling through the end of this affair today.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 26th February 2018 at 7:38 PM.. Reason: fixed quote ~T
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Old 26th February 2018, 6:26 PM   #108
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This is true. You might have an idea but youíre so caught up in the midst of the high that you have no idea the world of hurt that will come when itís over.

Your words seem very strong and hopeful. I wish I had an ounce of that strength in me today. Iím struggling through the end of this affair today.
I have moments of strong and hopeful in between sobbing. Maybe it won't fully hit me until he's gone. I'm trying to accept it, think of the positives, and prepare myself for what's coming. This is grief. And the only thing I have ever felt close to this is when my dad dies a year and a half ago. The only difference is this time I'm grieving the loss of someone who is still alive. I hope you find peace. And I hope I find it too, as well as MM . Everyone keeps telling me forget him, he doesn't care about you, if he did he's choose you. But I don't believe that and I've been through enough in my life to know that not everything is black and white things are more complicated than that he's a good person he's not a bad person he did a bad thing we both did we both got caught up in it we both fell in love but I don't believe that that makes him a bad person. So I won't end this badly and with anger and go NC like everyone says.
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Old 26th February 2018, 6:42 PM   #109
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This is true. You might have an idea but youíre so caught up in the midst of the high that you have no idea the world of hurt that will come when itís over.

Your words seem very strong and hopeful. I wish I had an ounce of that strength in me today. Iím struggling through the end of this affair today.
I bought 2 books yesterday, one is "how to survive the loss of a love" and I will post the name of the other one when I get home. Reading helps me.
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Old 26th February 2018, 7:05 PM   #110
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I posted this on Lehcar’s thread as well. Look up, “The Gift of a Year,” by
Mira somebody. It’s all about giving yourself a year to explore yourself. I used this when I had to heal from some tremendous stress that I was under and it was so helpful to me. The idea is that you chose one thing just for you to do for a year. You can learn a new language, travel, whatever. I chose greasy takeout and bubble baths. Essentially, I was giving myself a vacation every Friday night. No matter how bad things got during the week, I had my Friday night time. Whenever I would get too stressed out, I would remind myself, “You are broken right now. You don’t have to fix this problem. It’s only x days until Friday.”

I didn’t need the full year - sadly enough, I loved those burgers and bubble baths and miss them now - but it helped tremendously. It gave me a small sense of calm in my broken world. I recommend it to both of you.
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Old 26th February 2018, 8:24 PM   #111
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I posted this on Lehcarís thread as well. Look up, ďThe Gift of a Year,Ē by
Mira somebody. Itís all about giving yourself a year to explore yourself. I used this when I had to heal from some tremendous stress that I was under and it was so helpful to me. The idea is that you chose one thing just for you to do for a year. You can learn a new language, travel, whatever. I chose greasy takeout and bubble baths. Essentially, I was giving myself a vacation every Friday night. No matter how bad things got during the week, I had my Friday night time. Whenever I would get too stressed out, I would remind myself, ďYou are broken right now. You donít have to fix this problem. Itís only x days until Friday.Ē

I didnít need the full year - sadly enough, I loved those burgers and bubble baths and miss them now - but it helped tremendously. It gave me a small sense of calm in my broken world. I recommend it to both of you.
I've already started going back to church and slowly going back to the gym, which I stopped when my dad got sick and I wanted to spend all my extra time with him. I never went back after he passed. I also would like to pursue a career as dental hygienist. I can't see myself being a machine operator forever. I need focus on getting my life and after he's gone I will have way to much time on my hands. I can lay in bed a wallow my life away or i can focus on putting that time to good use.
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Old 26th February 2018, 8:35 PM   #112
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I can lay in bed a wallow my life away or i can focus on putting that time to good use.
Today I have laid in my bed and wallowed my day away

Good for you Lehcar. I wonder if your positivity has to do with knowing he loves you despite not being able to be with you.
I think my sadness is knowing that I was played for a fool the entire time. And once he was done or tired he just threw me out.
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Old 26th February 2018, 8:54 PM   #113
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Today I have laid in my bed and wallowed my day away

Good for you Lehcar. I wonder if your positivity has to do with knowing he loves you despite not being able to be with you.
I think my sadness is knowing that I was played for a fool the entire time. And once he was done or tired he just threw me out.

I think I will have my fair share of wallowing days...i know they are coming. I am just trying to enjoy this feeling of positivity. Although I burst into tears at the drop of a hat. Yes I think it helps that he is hurting too and that he wants to remain friends. But it can change at any moment and I'm sure if he decides to cut me out completely of his life it will be so much worse. Maybe I'm getting some comfort from knowing that I will still be able to hear his voice from time to time and see how he's doing because we are best friends. I think it's a day-by-day moment by moment thing just like with any other grief you never know how you're going to feel from moment to moment or day-to-day
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Old 27th February 2018, 12:25 AM   #114
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GH I think the discard does make it harder. You are not only dealing with the loss of someone you cared for, but also trying to make sense of what was real and what wasnít. These things do a number on your self-esteem to begin with. Add being discarded and all of a sudden you are also questioning your own value. It also makes it difficult to find meaning in the choices you made, obtain any closure (I know closure is really from within, but still), and makes you feel quite powerless. At least thatís how it has felt for me. There is no way for it to end that makes it easy, but having an honest conversation which acknowledges the humanity of both people and allows you to walk away with a sense of meaning and dignity would help. This is true for any relationship. Plenty of regular relationships end with the other party ghosting or otherwise taking a cowardly or narcisstic route too. Makes it much harder and wounds in different ways. For some people it helps because they get angry at the other person or see them in a different light.
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Old 27th February 2018, 2:37 PM   #115
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It seems like your something of an addiction for him that he has to get away from to avoid temptation.

You've mentioned that he's your best friend a few times...do you think it's a good idea having another woman's husband as your best friend? And a man you've had an affair with at that.

This will only lead to pain for you.

If they move and she finds out he's still in contact with you, how do you think she'll feel?

It's really easy and we as human beings tend to default to thinking about ourselves rather selfishly ....but there is a bigger picture here and there are children involved too.

This has the potential to affect more than his wife.

I'm sorry you had a really rough childhood....but unlike your half siblings at least you were able to live with a relative...but being separated from your siblings must have been a traumatic experience.
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Old 27th February 2018, 3:45 PM   #116
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Throw his things out! Those reminders will never help you get past this.

Put new scents around the place - light new candles or burn incense. Burn sage too, to cleanse the energy/space and to start anew!

I notice you haven't answered at all when folks asked if you blocked all ways he can contact you - so it's safe to assume you haven't... do that for your own sanity...and for faster healing.

Stay strong. Stay busy. Stay distracted.

Quite a lot has happened since the day I posted this thread. If you read through you will see there was a dday 3 and he is moving out of state. I have chosen to remain friends with him from a distance and am working towards moving on with my life.
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Old 27th February 2018, 3:55 PM   #117
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You've mentioned that he's your best friend a few times...do you think it's a good idea having another woman's husband as your best friend? And a man you've had an affair with at that.
This is a really good point. Kinda hit me when you look at it that way. That was MMís hook in my case. He was constantly saying I was his best friend, even a few times that I was family. All lies of course but maybe he meant something more like I was his confidant. I was someone he could say anything to because he didnít care about me. He could be his true awful self with me. Must be hard to keep up the pretense with everyone else in his life.

But yeah the hook of offered friendship knowing how much I needed that... it was cruel.

His wife should be his best friend and if she isnít you have to wonder why.
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Old 1st March 2018, 4:08 PM   #118
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If you're spouse has a best friend thet have to sneak to contact....you know it's wrong.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 10:54 AM   #119
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I saw him today, we talked . He is 100%moving. Most likely to California, but definitely out of state. I have chosen to remain friends with him and will will remain friends even after he's gone. My heart is broken. His heart is broken . It's been a sad day. He said he will focus on his mom and kids from now on but as a man he feels dead inside. I love him. And even though I'm not his choice, I understand his choice. I won't kick him while he's down. He has to give up the life he worked so hard to build here. It's our own fault. But you know when you get caught up in these things you don't realize the full extent of the damage that will be done. I will miss him , I will move on with my life. And remain friends from a distance. I hope he is able to rebuild his life and be happy and I hope the same for myself. As to admitting to the affair, i don't think he admitted fully, he has made it look like and EA not physical but he did admit to her that he has feelings for me.
That's wonderful news! You'll finally be free of the addiction as soon as the friendship fades (and it will)!

It'll do you well to remind yourself that he is not being forced to California at gunpoint..he is moving willingly with his family. He is making the choice to get away from the affair. Remind yourself of this any time you pine for him and soon the anger will replace the sadness, which will then turn to indifference.

Congratulations darling, you're on your way to being healthy again.
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Old 26th May 2018, 2:51 PM   #120
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It's over...finally.

Those of you who have read my story know I have said it before. But I have come to the realization over the last couple months as he slowly disappeared from my life more and more each week, that he doesn't care about me. Or my feelings. He has stayed in it for the sex and it's been obvious lately. I told him don't ever contact me again. I was angry, I was cruel and I feel like I can breathe again. I have a trip planned to go out out town with a girlfriend next weekend, first girls trip in my life, and it couldn't come at a better time because as strong as I feel now ...i know I'll be a mess . I know the rollercoaster of emotions that's coming. But I also know I deserve someone who doesn't want to let me go. Who wants me and only me.
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