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Anyone's OM/OW have to move out of state after DDay? [UPDATE: IT"S OVER]


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 19th February 2018, 7:18 PM   #46
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Maybe we are over for real this time. He has been sick with flu since last Tuesday. We spent Valentine's day together the whole day but we just watched movies and relaxed because he was sick. At this time he didn't k ow it was flu. We worked Thursday and Friday but he was really sick so he didn't come take breaks with me in my area and he only came over for maybe 30min after work . He was really bad with fever and everything. I convinced him to call in Saturday, he went to the Dr and they said it's flu. He texted me while he was at the Dr that day saying he missed me and his W and daughter were now sick with flu also. He was telling he missed me so much and sending pics and then that night he text me quickly goodnight . Yesterday nothing until 3pm a brief text saying they were all sick and were buying groceries quickly at Wal-Mart and not to text back because she was with him. I didn't respond like he requested and heard nothing else from him until about an hour ago. He text me He was taking his daughter to the Dr and he was still feeling sick. His texts were very short and vague. Not like normal. He said a friend of his passed away last night. I told sorry. I was telling him I miss him, love him want to see him and hist responses were like 10 min apart. Saying me too, things like that. Finally I asked " have you thought of me at all during these days?" He got irritated and didn't have much of a response he said , "are you kidding Me? I told you I miss you. Why do you need me to miss you in order to miss Me? I don't need you to miss me for me to miss you" I said that's not the point. Then he said he was finished at the Dr and going home. And he was done texting. He just expects me to be patient and never say anything and accept whatever he gives me. Am I being selfish? Considering the circumstances of the flu and his friend passing? I have always told him that the it's about quality and not quantity. I am satisfied with one text per day as long as that texts shows me he cares.
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Old 19th February 2018, 7:41 PM   #47
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You're not being selfish, you just want and need (and deserve) more than a man with a wife and children can give you. When he and his family are sick and he's dealing with the death of a friend you fall even further down his list of priorities.
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Old 19th February 2018, 7:46 PM   #48
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Considering the circumstances of the flu and his friend passing? I have always told him that the it's about quality and not quantity. I am satisfied with one text per day as long as that texts shows me he cares.

You're supposed to be the good, compliant, AP and not question. This is how affairs work. You just wait until you have a family crisis, loss of a loved one, just life in general, and he's not available emotionally or physically.

You are willing to settle for one post a day as long as he shows you that he cares.
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Old 19th February 2018, 8:45 PM   #49
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I just sent him this text, he will not like it and I can almost guarantee he will break up with me for it. I needed to say it. I sent it to his secret phone, he probably won't see it until tomorrow or maybe even Wednesday.

I am not a priority for you right now and that's fine , I understand you have a lot going on. But when you are better and start to miss me, don't expect to come have sex with me unless you are prepared to spend some time with me. It's not gonna happen. I miss you and I want you and I love you. But I'm not going to settle for sex after work and 10 min of cuddling. And a couple texts a day. I need the same effort as i give you.
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Old 19th February 2018, 9:03 PM   #50
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I just sent him this text, he will not like it and I can almost guarantee he will break up with me for it. I needed to say it. I sent it to his secret phone, he probably won't see it until tomorrow or maybe even Wednesday.

I am not a priority for you right now and that's fine , I understand you have a lot going on. But when you are better and start to miss me, don't expect to come have sex with me unless you are prepared to spend some time with me. It's not gonna happen. I miss you and I want you and I love you. But I'm not going to settle for sex after work and 10 min of cuddling. And a couple texts a day. I need the same effort as i give you.
My MM would have said "ok, whatever you want." I wasn't allowed to make demands or be upset or defensive. Update if you hear anything. Maybe block his number so you can feel strong. You said what you needed to say. You might feel sick waiting for a response.
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Old 19th February 2018, 9:09 PM   #51
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My MM would have said "ok, whatever you want." I wasn't allowed to make demands or be upset or defensive. Update if you hear anything. Maybe block his number so you can feel strong. You said what you needed to say. You might feel sick waiting for a response.
That's exactly how my MM is. If I make demands or get upset about anything, his response is to end it. Ok. We will end it then because I see basically no effort lately and I put a lot of effort towards him. At this point , there is no relationship. I barely see or talk to him.
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Old 19th February 2018, 9:26 PM   #52
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Sorry your hurting, I kind of know what your feeling but not to the extent. I do know the addiction and fog your in, Iíve been there and am still trying to break free from it. But look at your thread starter, you wanted so badly to end it. You need to let go of him, your grasping for him and itís not going to change, I know heís so addicting, it sucks. You need to block him from all sources, I know you want to but itís hard to let go. You need to make some changes to break yourself from him and blocking him and NC is the only way. Time will heal your heart. ughhh... I feel your pain.
You can do this, be strong.
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Old 19th February 2018, 10:34 PM   #53
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That's exactly how my MM is. If I make demands or get upset about anything, his response is to end it. Ok. We will end it then because I see basically no effort lately and I put a lot of effort towards him. At this point , there is no relationship. I barely see or talk to him.
If you want to be in an affair, as Ms. Skywriter said, you must remember your place. You are his affair partner, not his girlfriend, and you will never receive the same benefits as one.

Learned that the hard way. But the good news is, when itís finally over, you will have learned a valuable lesson and youíll be free to pursue a healthy, normal relationship! I am 3 years out of my stint as an OW and am now in a healthy relationship with a lovely single man!

I hope for your sake that he does break it off for good this time, but alas, I fear he wonít, and that youíll be as stubborn as I was and end up going back and forth with him until you literally cannot take it anymore. Good luck to you sweetheart.
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Old 19th February 2018, 11:55 PM   #54
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And now here I sit, alone. Regretting sending that text and wondering what his response will be. I know now what's bothering me so much. He used to send me goodnight text every night and good morning text every morning. He would have to sneak to the bathroom to send them. He would use a phone he uses for business. Last week his W took the phone from him and wouldn't give it back for hours. She told him she has noticed that whenever he is home all day he takes that phone in the bathroom a couple times a day. I told him last week to stop doing it to jot cause more problems. It seems he took my advice and now it's bothering me. Those texts were my way of knowing he was missing me and thinking of me. Now I am missing them and I think that's what's bothering me.
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Old 20th February 2018, 1:46 PM   #55
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Lehcar,

You donít see it now but this is the beginning of the end for your relationship. What is happening is that you are starting to want more at the same time that he is giving less, all combined with the fact that his wife is suspicious and family responsibilities are finally coming home to roost with him.

Please think about your situation. You are hanging on to good morning and good night texts that the man you love has to sneak into the bathroom to send? And thatís because he has a relationship with two women and while he says he doesnít care about the other woman, heís going to extreme lengths to make sure she doesnít find out. How does his actions line up with his words?

For your sake, I hope you see the inevitable end coming and go n contact. The pain is coming but how much you experience and how long is all in your control. You just have to be willing to do the hardest thing you have ever had to do - which is to walk away while you are still in love and he still has feelings for you. I fear that you will stay until the bitter end and i really donít want that for you.

Good luck.
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Old 20th February 2018, 2:24 PM   #56
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Lehcar,

You donít see it now but this is the beginning of the end for your relationship. What is happening is that you are starting to want more at the same time that he is giving less, all combined with the fact that his wife is suspicious and family responsibilities are finally coming home to roost with him.

Please think about your situation. You are hanging on to good morning and good night texts that the man you love has to sneak into the bathroom to send? And thatís because he has a relationship with two women and while he says he doesnít care about the other woman, heís going to extreme lengths to make sure she doesnít find out. How does his actions line up with his words?

For your sake, I hope you see the inevitable end coming and go n contact. The pain is coming but how much you experience and how long is all in your control. You just have to be willing to do the hardest thing you have ever had to do - which is to walk away while you are still in love and he still has feelings for you. I fear that you will stay until the bitter end and i really donít want that for you.

Good luck.
I think you are right. I pray I get the strength to let go. I still have not heard from him. He normally texts me when he takes his kids to school. I haven't seen him in 4 days. He lives 2 miles from me. This is the longest we have gone without seeing eachother in the year we have been together. If he wanted to see me he would.
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Old 20th February 2018, 2:29 PM   #57
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I think you are right. I pray I get the strength to let go. I still have not heard from him. He normally texts me when he takes his kids to school. I haven't seen him in 4 days. He lives 2 miles from me. This is the longest we have gone without seeing eachother in the year we have been together. If he wanted to see me he would.


If he wanted to be with you, he would.
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Old 20th February 2018, 9:06 PM   #58
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I feel like I'm going crazy. He has never done this before , not seen me for 4 days. 1 text per day. I want answers. I'm so hurt. And to make it worse my brother who I share and apartment with is in California until Sunday. I'm a mess. I was ok and then I was pulling back into my apartment building earlier and I swear I saw his car pulling through the parking lot of the convenience store by my house. He never comes over here unless he's visiting me and he hasn't called or text since 4 hours ago. So I'm hoping it was just a car that looked like his because otherwise what the hell is going on. I feel like calling his business phone and I have never thought about doing that before but he's pushing me to that point.
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Old 20th February 2018, 10:24 PM   #59
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I feel like I'm going crazy. He has never done this before , not seen me for 4 days. 1 text per day. I want answers. I'm so hurt. And to make it worse my brother who I share and apartment with is in California until Sunday. I'm a mess. I was ok and then I was pulling back into my apartment building earlier and I swear I saw his car pulling through the parking lot of the convenience store by my house. He never comes over here unless he's visiting me and he hasn't called or text since 4 hours ago. So I'm hoping it was just a car that looked like his because otherwise what the hell is going on. I feel like calling his business phone and I have never thought about doing that before but he's pushing me to that point.
Go easy, breathe. Do not call! You are going through withdrawal. It sucks! But stay the course. You can do it. This is about you and your health and sanity. Cry, take a bath, whatever makes you feel better...but do not contact!
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Old 20th February 2018, 10:32 PM   #60
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Go easy, breathe. Do not call! You are going through withdrawal. It sucks! But stay the course. You can do it. This is about you and your health and sanity. Cry, take a bath, whatever makes you feel better...but do not contact!
Thank you, it's nice to know someone is hearing me. None of my family or friends wants to talk about it, they are so tired of hearing it, and I get it. I don't blame them. I'm lonely. I was in a 23 year relationship before I jumped into this A , I left my ex 2 months after it started because things were getting violent.. But this A started with a 3 year EA before it became physical. I was with my ex since I was 16. I have never been alone. This is new to me and I don't quite know how to handle it. I appreciate every one who takes the time to read and comment. It helps.
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