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Anyone's OM/OW have to move out of state after DDay? [UPDATE: IT"S OVER]


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 9th February 2018, 6:13 AM   #31
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You’re doing really well so far!

But yes, I agree with the last poster - make Home a different place so it isn’t haunted by the memories of him and his belongings. Can you take them to a friend’s house and if he uses his belongings as an excuse to contact you - simply tell him where they are and that he has 24hrs to collect or they will be disposed?

I would be brave and block him. Too many women are too cowardly to do this and make the excuse they wouldn’t want him to be hurt by this action. These are the women that take ages to get over their xMM.

Concentrate on being free from his bondage and that of your abusive ex. It’s your time now!!!
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Old 13th February 2018, 12:40 AM   #32
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Well, after 2 days of NC he called me after work the night he worked in my area. I answered. I shouldnt have, but i did. And he came over. We have been back together since but today things got much more complicated. His W was following him again this morning. He said he had a feeling she was, so he parked in a random road and waited about 10 min and she showed up. They got in a huge fight and then he came over to see me. He told me yesterday she took his phone and was questioning his about why he always takes the phone in the bathroom on Sundays. She wouldn't give him the phone back for hours. He told me about 2 weeks ago she told him she wants him to start looking for a job in California. Which is where they moved from about 10 years ago. His family still lives there. He told me if he doesn't make this move he will never be able to stay away from me. He said he knows that even if we break up he will try to find ways to see me. Moving out of state seems to be the only way for him. I am devastated. My heart is broken. I wish we had never started this... I know it's what's best for everyone. But I love him. I have never been with another man besides my ex and MM. And he has never been with another woman besides his W and me. I can't stop crying , he left 2 hours ago and I have been sobbing since. Every time he walks out the door it feels like it will be the last time. I just want to cherish every moment we have left together and at the same time , I think I should end it now and get it over with. This place is the only place I can really vent my feelings.
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Old 13th February 2018, 9:58 AM   #33
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(((Lehcar)))

I can feel the pain in your writing. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Affairs can take so much out of us. I totally understand the feeling of loss, the repeated goodbyes as if it were the last and final goodbye. That's the thing about As. There is no commitment and there is always pain involved. Always.

Healing can only start after it ends and you go NC. Hanging on will only perpetuate the pain. I know that it's so hard to let go of someone you love.

We're here for you.
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Old 13th February 2018, 11:03 AM   #34
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[QUOTE=Lehcar1012;7536999]Well, after 2 days of NC he called me after work the night he worked in my area. I answered. I shouldnt have, but i did. And he came over. We have been back together since


This made me sad to read.
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Old 13th February 2018, 1:13 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by Lehcar1012 View Post
He told me if he doesn't make this move he will never be able to stay away from me.
I know this statement sounds very romantic, but these are the words of a person who doesn't take personal responsibility for his choices. Is he really so weak of a person, and can't actually control himself, that he will continue to see you unless he physically moves away? Plus the fact it is completely selfish...he's not making any changes to his relationship status yet he "will never stay away" from you. That is so, so disrespectful to you and his wife.

I can tell you are in pain and I am sorry. Please try to stick to NC because that is the best way for you to get back to a healthy place. Good luck to you.
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Old 13th February 2018, 1:14 PM   #36
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Yesterday we just laid and held each other and cried. By chance Van Morrison Reminds me of you was playing on the radio. Seem so fitting. This is a sad time for me. Knowing that I will say goodbye to him soon. The hardest part is knowing he will be so far away. It's a sad thing to say goodbye to someone you are still in love with.
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Old 13th February 2018, 1:24 PM   #37
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If he feels this way, why doesn't he file for divorce, so you can be together?
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Old 13th February 2018, 1:44 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by CantTakeMySmile View Post
If he feels this way, why doesn't he file for divorce, so you can be together?
He said he can't for 10 years because of his kids. He doesn't want to live in a different house than his kids and she has already said if they divorce she will take the kids to Pittsburgh where her family is.
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Old 13th February 2018, 1:45 PM   #39
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He loves me, but he loves his kids the most. Which is how it should be. Doesn't make it any easier though, doesn't make it hurt any less.
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Old 13th February 2018, 1:46 PM   #40
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He said he can't for 10 years because of his kids. He doesn't want to live in a different house than his kids and she has already said if they divorce she will take the kids to Pittsburgh where her family is.


I call bs.
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Old 13th February 2018, 8:20 PM   #41
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If they divorce, the Judge will make a determination of what is best for the kids. The wife/mother won't get to take the kids anywhere unless the Judge thinks it's in their best interest. And if it's far away from their father, it's unlikely the Judge would approve of that move.

I remember the desperation of thinking "this might be our last time together" and holding on tight, not wanting to let xMM go. But at some point it just became more painful to hold on than to let go. Give NC a chance, more than just 2 days. It's been 5 weeks for me. It still hurts, but I'm starting to think much more clearly and see how damaging the A was, for everyone, even xMM. It's hard to think clearly when you're in the middle of it.
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Old 14th February 2018, 1:27 PM   #42
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[QUOTE=Finding my way;7537657]If they divorce, the Judge will make a determination of what is best for the kids. The wife/mother won't get to take the kids anywhere unless the Judge thinks it's in their best interest. And if it's far away from their father, it's unlikely the Judge would approve of that move.



^^THis. if he wanted to be with you, he would.
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Old 16th February 2018, 9:17 AM   #43
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Not to be tough on you, but reread what you wrote. He waited 10min at another location because he thought his wife was following him. Do you really want any part of that?

Previous LS poster said it best,
“They all say its guilt, kids, blah blah.

Translation: I don't want everyone to know what a selfish ass I am. I want to keep my money and maintain the status quo.

If they felt guilty about their affairs and their kids, why are they spending time away from their kids in bed with an OW?”

Just understand, it’s easier to stick to the same affair partner than groom a new one. If he decides to move, then he’ll start working on a new affair partner, strictly out of convinience.
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Old 17th February 2018, 2:22 PM   #44
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Originally Posted by BuddyX View Post
“Oldest line in the book "My wife doesn't understand me."

Second line, " Trust me I'm not like all the other guys who cheat on their wives, I'm different.”

He’s having sex with his wife. You’re getting seconds.
I would add : "My wife and I never have sex. We haven't for months, years!" But think. What better way to allay the suspicions of BW than to have regular sex with her? Think about it. And suspicious BW will make sure he gets plenty of it.

My MM left me, and just like magic, his wife was pregnant a month afterward.

But I still remember when we were together and the front door rang. There was no way to see who it was. My MM actually RAN INTO MY CLOSET to hide, leaving me to face whoever was at the door (it wasn't his wife). What was I thinking? I should have thrown him out then and there but then I lacked the confidence.
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Old 19th February 2018, 2:01 AM   #45
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Originally Posted by MollieMcWench View Post
I still remember when we were together and the front door rang. There was no way to see who it was. My MM actually RAN INTO MY CLOSET to hide, leaving me to face whoever was at the door (it wasn't his wife). What was I thinking? I should have thrown him out then and there but then I lacked the confidence.
This happened to me, too. Someone knocked on the door soon after he had arrived once, and when I went to answer it, he bolted up the stairs... I thought that was weird, as he knew I had ordered takeout. In hindsight, he obviously thought it was his wife, even though he had previously claimed they were (at that time) separated and headed for divorce.

Following this episode, I didn't hear from him - not a peep - for at least a month.
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