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Me and my (ex)stepmother so messed up.


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 10th February 2018, 1:02 AM   #16
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i didn't sleep at all last night. <Snip>
high five!!!! Great job on all points!!! Stay strong!!!

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Old 10th February 2018, 2:57 AM   #17
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This whole reply including comments on the OP's quoted statements--super excellent and beautifully supportive!
So glad you've joined the thread to support Adotta, HadMeOverABarrel!
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Old 10th February 2018, 6:08 AM   #18
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checking in

I'm having a hard time sleeping so I figured I'd just get a start on my day and post here. It's 5 in the morning. sorry for not updating yesterday.

She's still calling and texting but it's slowing down. My emotions seem a little more in control. I've made arrangements to meet with a counselor at the church almost literally right down the street. I was informed they are a professional. I'll give it a try before drawing conclusions.

Going no contact is the next step for me I guess but it will be hard. I've blocked her number half a dozen times and then unblocked it within 10 minutes every time. I hate myself for it but I have to see what she texts. I think I want to believe this isn't real. I want to believe she really cares. if I was just groomed as you guys say what does that make me? I don't want to be a victim I want it to be real. Even if her and I can never be together. I want the emotions she claimed to have for me to be real. I keep hoping all the twisted and awful things she said where just said in hurt. maybe she didn't mean them. I don't know where I'm going with this. I don't know why it matters to me. I have written 3 texts to her then deleted them. asking if she meant those insults. I've been getting shakes while I reread her texts over and over. I have to stop, it's pathetic. I think roads is right but it's hard.

I feel like I'm making 2 steps forward and 1 big step back.

I haven't been answering her calls or responding to texts at all. I stopped that mid day yesterday. That's one victory I guess.

I'm going to get started on my morning jog. It's snowing but what the hell. Jogs always calm me down. It helps clear my head. I'll try to beat my best time today.

Thanks for the support guys.

Last edited by Adotta; 10th February 2018 at 6:31 AM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 10th February 2018, 9:33 AM   #19
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Adotta, to have total NC you need to not read her messages to you.
Limited contact is not no contact.
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Old 10th February 2018, 10:48 AM   #20
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Your dad knows that his WW cheated on him with you.
All those arguments for the next six months were about that.

He could never buy your step mom's story about it was
ok her being in just panties around you.

He just could never prove what he knows, that she cheated
on him with you.

Dear god I hope not. That would be my worst nightmare. the thought of the hell my father would have gone through if this is true terrifies me. I guess the possibility is definitely there. But why would he never straight confront me?

I DO remember him starting a few of our fights with sentences like "you think your better then me don't you" but that isn't conclusive of anything. I was ripping into him about being a drunk.

I really hope my father hasn't been living with this knowledge for the last 10 years. I can't even begin to imagine how bad that was for him.
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Old 10th February 2018, 11:13 AM   #21
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Your father loves you and wants the best for you, Adotta, from the little you've posted about him that much is clear to me. I believe you and your father are going to be drawn together closer than ever at some point as/after you get counseling. Don't be concerned with his well being right now. He would want you to take care of yourself and that's what you're doing.

GREAT that you have gotten a counselor! You amaze me with your clear thinking and your "getting it done" attitude and application.

Getting out of this relationship and recovering is going to be a journey so don't beat yourself up about the way you're handling things. One step at a time.

I plan to post more later on today answering your post but have an appointment I'm rushing to meet. Just wanted to at least check in on you! So glad you posted. More later!

You've got some good posters on board with this thread, Mr. Adotta!
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Old 10th February 2018, 1:59 PM   #22
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I can't ignore this any more. I want to be a good man. one day of straight thinking isn't going to be the end of this. I need help with more then just my relationship with her. I'm not to ashamed or too proud to say that today.
Stay strong, young man. Block her. No contact is your friend.
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Old 10th February 2018, 3:39 PM   #23
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I need some big changes?!

So I just got off the phone with my brother. I couldn't tell him what's up but he could tell somthing was wrong. We talked a good bit about life and my plans. Then he suggested I get into line work ( power lines ) like him. The pay is good and he has connects and experience to cut through the bull crap. I would have to travel alot but that could be a good thing. I want to get out from under my grandpa. working for him isnt going anywhere. The more I think about it the more I like the idea. I need to get away. I'll be thinking about this among other things.
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Old 10th February 2018, 4:22 PM   #24
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that sounds great! there is nothing like a fat paycheck to cheer a person up.

as for telling anyone, i say, do not tell anyone.

look up Al-anon. find a meeting, there are meetings everywhere, all over the world.

go to a meeting, it's free.

then, tell the people there the twisted tale of alcoholism that runs in your family and what alcohol has done to the lives of the people around you. and how it has affected your life.

don't worry, the alkies and alonons have heard it all.

i mean, i once heard about a women that was drinking and cooking thanksgiving dinner and when she came out of a black out, the turkey was in the crib and her baby was in the oven.

another woman, shared that she drank so much when she was pregnant, her daughter has fetal alcohol syndrom.

so, as we say around here..we'ver heard it all and whatever we share, stays between us.

there is no judgement.

i believe that the entire saga of your life can be put down to alkies and addiction.

get to the meetings and best of luck..
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Old 10th February 2018, 4:55 PM   #25
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[QUOTE=Miss Clavel;7534991

i mean, i once heard about a women that was drinking and cooking thanksgiving dinner and when she came out of a black out, the turkey was in the crib and her baby was in the oven.

.[/QUOTE]

Was the oven on?!!! Was the baby ok? I've seen my mother do things similar. No babies but still. I had to put out a few fires in my life because of her. First fire I put out I must have been 10 or so. Thank god I knew what to do. last fire was last year at chistmas new uear time. She broke her back while drunk on a dirt bike now she walked like an 90 year old woman. Her liver is failing and she is abusing med as well.
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Old 10th February 2018, 6:37 PM   #26
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The line work sounds like an amazing opportunity for you to become financially independent, get away from your grandfather, and start fresh in all areas of your life. Getting some distance from your current day to day situation will undoubtedly improve your outlook and confidence.
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Old 10th February 2018, 7:19 PM   #27
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Was the oven on?!!! Was the baby ok? I've seen my mother do things similar. No babies but still. I had to put out a few fires in my life because of her. First fire I put out I must have been 10 or so. Thank god I knew what to do. last fire was last year at chistmas new uear time. She broke her back while drunk on a dirt bike now she walked like an 90 year old woman. Her liver is failing and she is abusing med as well.
Holy hell, same question, wass the baby okay?????


And Adotta, reading your struggles and seeing how you're working so hard to be in a better place is so wonderful. I do agree with the others here that it would be best to completely block her from your life - and I also know that that's easier said than done because it's hard when you have very strong emotions for someone, especially when it is such a toxic relationship.

But take it step by step, slowly and before you know it you'll back and see you've climbed over a mountain.
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Old 10th February 2018, 9:55 PM   #28
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I'm having a hard time sleeping so I figured I'd just get a start on my day and post here. It's 5 in the morning. sorry for not updating yesterday.

Glad you're up and about and doing well, Adotta! Hope you've had a good day!

She's still calling and texting but it's slowing down. My emotions seem a little more in control. I've made arrangements to meet with a counselor at the church almost literally right down the street. I was informed they are a professional. I'll give it a try before drawing conclusions.

Just checking in as to keep my word that I'd post later. Not sure I have much to add. But, when is your apt with the counselor?

Going no contact is the next step for me I guess but it will be hard. I've blocked her number half a dozen times and then unblocked it within 10 minutes every time. I hate myself for it but I have to see what she texts. I think I want to believe this isn't real. I want to believe she really cares.

She probably believes she cares for you, Adotta. But, her behavior has been pretty selfish and that's not caring for anyone at all as you probably know.

if I was just groomed as you guys say what does that make me?

You were a child who was taken advantage of. Now that you've grown up you're beginning to see it for what it was and taking steps to heal from it.

I don't want to be a victim I want it to be real. Even if her and I can never be together. I want the emotions she claimed to have for me to be real.

She most probably believed it was real, but since she's unstable nothing is ever really real for her. Everything is subject to change depending on her selfish whims and desires.

I keep hoping all the twisted and awful things she said where just said in hurt. maybe she didn't mean them.

She was speaking to you from her pain and insecurity. As I wrote above, she's unstable so that her words regarding you and toward anyone, actually, aren't going remain consistent.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I don't know why it matters to me. I have written 3 texts to her then deleted them. asking if she meant those insults. I've been getting shakes while I reread her texts over and over. I have to stop, it's pathetic. I think roads is right but it's hard.

I feel like I'm making 2 steps forward and 1 big step back.

It's a journey, Adotta. But, the best thing about it is that you've wanted to progress in your life and you've been taking steps to do so.

I haven't been answering her calls or responding to texts at all. I stopped that mid day yesterday. That's one victory I guess.

Most definitely a victory!

I'm going to get started on my morning jog. It's snowing but what the hell. Jogs always calm me down. It helps clear my head. I'll try to beat my best time today.

Exercise is going to be one of your best friends on this journey! Good for you keeping up with it!

Thanks for the support guys.

You definitely have a lot of support on this forum!
Looking forward to keeping up with your journey, Adotta!
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Old 10th February 2018, 10:31 PM   #29
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Living water my apt. Is for this Wednesday. they seemed happy to help and arrange this. They assured me my lack of faith would not effect thier willingness to help. I wasn't expecting an appointment so soon. I don't know how much I will be able to say but I'll try. I'm both excited for and dreading this appointment. I think the fact that the one who will be helping me is an much older woman is more comforting. She sounds extremely kind and understanding. She's a somewhat newly retired councilor who offers her service for free through the church. We talked for a bit and she explained some about herself and what to expect. I didn't get into any details but I think she somwhat understood.
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Old 10th February 2018, 10:33 PM   #30
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Living water my apt. Is for this Wednesday. they seemed happy to help and arrange this. They assured me my lack of faith would not effect thier willingness to help. I wasn't expecting an appointment so soon. I don't know how much I will be able to say but I'll try. I'm both excited for and dreading this appointment. I think the fact that the one who will be helping me is an much older woman is more comforting. She sounds extremely kind and understanding. She's a somewhat newly retired psychologist who offers her service for free through the church. We talked for a bit and she explained some about herself and what to expect. I didn't get into any details but I think she somwhat understood.
I think you're going to be surprised at how much you're going to love counseling.
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