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Old PHone


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 3rd February 2018, 6:01 PM   #1
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Old PHone

Yesterday my phone died and I resurrected my old phone from 3 years ago.

There were hundreds of emails from exMM still sitting there. A million thoughts and memories have come flooding back to me... some of them very painful indeed.

I read some of them and it felt like breaking NC all over again. This morning I have woken up in a very low mood.

So important NOT to have any contact or reminders of exMM . For anybody thinking of breaking NC. DON'T BLOODY DO IT!!! It will set you back a long way.

POppy.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 11:20 PM   #2
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Sorry Poppy! Could you shift your focus back onto all that you've accomplished since NC began? Perhaps make a list of all that you've achieved sine then, remind yourself that you are brilliant, strong, capable, and that you are happier since NC began. Write down the reasons you went NC to begin with...how crappy the A made you feel and all that you sacrificed to be in it. Busy yourself with a new project, perhaps something good for you that you have been putting off.

Also consider that xMM is a coward, a cake eater who refused to choose and rather did what served him over what was best for you or BS. Remind yourself of his selfishness, and the fact that he is still where he is rather than making a stand for you--clearly he is unworthy of you.

Hope this helps! Stay strong! Hugs!
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Old 3rd February 2018, 11:44 PM   #3
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Hugs to you, Poppy. I can imagine the grief it caused seeing that. You have come a long way and are so strong, and are one I look up to because of your strength. Tomorrow will be a new day. Please keep going forward and not let this hold you down.
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Old 4th February 2018, 12:12 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Poppy47 View Post

I read some of them and it felt like breaking NC all over again. This morning I have woken up in a very low mood.

So important NOT to have any contact or reminders of exMM . For anybody thinking of breaking NC. DON'T BLOODY DO IT!!! It will set you back a long way.

POppy.
I agree with you! But what made you want to break NC?
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Old 4th February 2018, 1:54 AM   #5
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I agree with you! But what made you want to break NC?
Scout,
YOu misunderstood. I said it FELT like I was breaking NC to read all those emails from the past.
I do not want to break NC at all.

Poppy.
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Old 4th February 2018, 3:58 AM   #6
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You didn't break NC at all!

I often reread emails and it helps to remind me of how mean he was to me. It's better than seeing all things through rose colored glasses ... (not saying that you are doing that but I tend to do that and then the emails remind me of the truth)
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Old 4th February 2018, 9:45 AM   #7
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Setbacks.

They happen to all, even those nice and deep into NC. As the wise Grey Cloud just told me recently, it's not about the setbacks happening (because they do happen), it's how you choose to handle them when they jump into your brain.

Poppy, you have been a huge source of strength to so many people here -- more than you even realize (I was a troll for months and followed you before ever getting up the courage to post), really because you're human and emotional and you share the good, the bad, AND the ugly. I have said more than once to myself, "What Would Poppy Do?" -- I literally try and think of folks who battled the end of an A and what they would have done to ride out the rough waves. Look at how did you handled this -- YOU CAME HERE. Now it's time for YOU today -- get out and do something wonderful for YOU. Get something nice for yourself...whether it's a book or a bottle of wine or a new scarf...and then maybe trash the old phone in dramatic fashion -- like driving over it with your car, or in the center of town's wastebasket, or in a gigantic bonfire? Onward!
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Old 4th February 2018, 1:57 PM   #8
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Oh, Poppy. I'm so sorry that happened. These things sneak up on you, don't they? Well, the reality is that you did not break NC. You are safe. You are doing all the right things. You are moving/moved on.

I know that these feelings can put you right back there, but feelings aren't real. Feelings aren't things. The distance and time you've put between you and xAP is real. Hang in there.
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Old 4th February 2018, 3:04 PM   #9
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You are all wonderful!

Thank you so much for your support during my small hiccup. I am touched to think you have found some comfort in my posts... they were just me talking to you.

Today I come out of my short lived retirement for 10 weeks subsitute teaching. NOW, that will surely give me something more productive to think about.

Warmest wishes. It seems I am bouncing back.

Poppy.
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Old 4th February 2018, 4:00 PM   #10
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Scout,
YOu misunderstood. I said it FELT like I was breaking NC to read all those emails from the past.
I do not want to break NC at all.

Poppy.
Sorry, my bad! Good for you!
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Old 5th February 2018, 5:08 PM   #11
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Delete all those emails. I received some weird outdated emails from an ex when my phone did an update. I was so tempted to open them but knew it wasn't good for me. I simply checked them all off and hit delete.
I was proud of myself and did feel a twinge of remorse but the truth is, it wouldn't do any good and could do way more harm to me.
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