LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > The Other Man / Woman

How to disengage when the MM was a family friend


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

Like Tree30Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 30th January 2018, 2:01 AM   #16
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 608
Who decided to end this LTA and why? Mutual? If it truly was a mutual decision you have better odds of moving on. If MM were jealous bunny boiler you chances would be about zero. I hope you two are not only on the same page but on the same word in the same sentence.

It seems you and MM have mastered the art of cheating, lying and most importantly, silence. Do you honestly believe he’ll remain silent forever?

You have to ease away from MM and his BW. Decline some invitations for example. Will your H miss their company? Please tell us you don’t pretend to be best friends with BW. Does she suspect the LTA?

Start looking for a different job. At least you two lovebirds won’t be tempted on a daily basis

This mess is a three way disaster. Work, friends and kids. I don’t know how many other lives are entangled in this mess without their knowledge or approval. But it’s your burden to minimize the fallout.

Last edited by Bufo; 30th January 2018 at 2:03 AM.. Reason: Added last paragraph
Bufo is offline  
Old 30th January 2018, 2:05 AM   #17
S2B
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,835
Ya know - the first rule of engagement is:

Do NOT engage

Follow that rule and there's no issue.

Stop planning weekend social get togethers

Get a new job

And just say no to anyone that suggests you see him.

IF any interaction is necessary the ONLY answers need to be:

Yes or no

Nothing further than that.
S2B is offline  
Old 19th February 2018, 10:10 AM   #18
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 705
Things are likely to pick back up again if you stay in contact in anyway . Especially with men.. things are out of sight out of mind for them, so as long as he doesn't see you he may not contact you but when he does...

My situation is similar but we are not ending it, if you need to talk I'm here.
AutumnMoon is offline  
Old 23rd February 2018, 4:07 PM   #19
Established Member
 
Grapesofwrath's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Baghdad by the Bay
Posts: 1,067
Savannah: I went back and read some of your other threads to refresh myself on your story. In so doing, we can see the multiple attempts to end this affair, and then the inevitable return to it over the course of years. He has treated you miserably and you've allowed it for all this time. I really can't overstate the value of some counseling for you around these issues.

A question: What makes this break-up different? If you take the same actions each time it's "over" you're going to have the same results. It's clear that this person is not a friend. Not to you, or your husband. Nor is he a good partner to his wife. Why would you want to keep someone like this in your life, even as a friend?

If you can't be honest with your husband about the reason, then just do a slow fade. I agree, also, with the previous poster who said it's the MM's problem how to explain it to his family. You need only explain it to yours. Get this creep out of your life.
Grapesofwrath is offline  
Old 23rd February 2018, 5:33 PM   #20
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 608
If you canít/wonít tell your BH the truth, you better come up with a plausible excuse for why you donít want to socialize with MM and BW. Since you work together, you could use some work issue as cover. ďThere was an issue at work and he didnít have my back. He isnít a true friendĒ.

Of course thatís a lie but your first goal should be to get out of infidelity. Then you get to deal with the guilt and eventual disclosure. Donít wait for long if you hope to salvage your M. If not, leave it at the lie.

Time for serious introspection has arrived.
Bufo is offline  
Old 23rd February 2018, 7:32 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 3,428
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grapesofwrath View Post
Savannah: I went back and read some of your other threads to refresh myself on your story. In so doing, we can see the multiple attempts to end this affair, and then the inevitable return to it over the course of years. He has treated you miserably and you've allowed it for all this time. I really can't overstate the value of some counseling for you around these issues.

A question: What makes this break-up different? If you take the same actions each time it's "over" you're going to have the same results. It's clear that this person is not a friend. Not to you, or your husband. Nor is he a good partner to his wife. Why would you want to keep someone like this in your life, even as a friend?

If you can't be honest with your husband about the reason, then just do a slow fade. I agree, also, with the previous poster who said it's the MM's problem how to explain it to his family. You need only explain it to yours. Get this creep out of your life.
As Savannah hasn't posted since Jan 28th I suspect she is already back in the affair.
anika99 is offline  
Old 23rd February 2018, 11:47 PM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 377
Quote:
Originally Posted by anika99 View Post
As Savannah hasn't posted since Jan 28th I suspect she is already back in the affair.
I hope not, for her sake. IIRC, this was the guy she was giving bjs to in his office. That image makes me so sad because thatís really what mine wanted too. Some of these men just want unpaid whores. Once mine said jokingly he wanted to make me his sex slave. In retrospect, I donít think he was joking.

Your self esteem has to be at rock bottom to accept this kind of treatment.
jah526 is offline  
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is family friend into me? p011yp0ck3t Friends and Lovers 3 31st May 2016 6:39 AM
Having trouble trying to disengage wannaworkitout Separation and Divorce 41 5th November 2014 2:53 PM
Trying to Gracefully Disengage chickenlicken The Other Man / Woman 13 20th June 2013 3:28 PM
How to disengage gracefully jab1023 General Relationship Discussion 5 21st February 2013 10:59 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:49 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.