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Question for those doing NC ***Updated***


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 15th January 2018, 12:56 PM   #16
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She chose NC (directly or indirectly)...I had considered in the past very seriously and think if I would have beat her to it, I would be in a much better position. If you can do it, highly recommend you take the initiative...chances are it is inevitable one way or another.
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Old 16th January 2018, 12:41 AM   #17
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Self imposed NC.

But then I did something really stupid. She contacted me at work as we went out for coffee and talked about feelings.
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Old 17th January 2018, 10:45 PM   #18
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Uh oh...jj....what happened? How long were you NC?
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Old 17th January 2018, 10:48 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by livinglargecj View Post
She chose NC (directly or indirectly)...I had considered in the past very seriously and think if I would have beat her to it, I would be in a much better position. If you can do it, highly recommend you take the initiative...chances are it is inevitable one way or another.
I never told him I was doing NC. We said we'd be "friends" but I just stopped reaching out to him at the beginning of December. I am counting the days...every time I think of reaching out, I think that then I have to start all over again! It was kind of hurtful that he didn't even wish me a Merry Christmas or Happy New Year, but I guess it makes me realize what a selfish person he really is. I can't believe I meant that little to him.
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Old 17th January 2018, 11:30 PM   #20
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Yes, the Holidays might just be what did me in this time around, too. No well wishes or messages after two years in this craziness together. I have a very heavy heart too, but each day gets a little brighter. Onward.
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Old 18th January 2018, 1:34 AM   #21
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I never told him I was doing NC. We said we'd be "friends" but I just stopped reaching out to him at the beginning of December. I am counting the days...every time I think of reaching out, I think that then I have to start all over again! It was kind of hurtful that he didn't even wish me a Merry Christmas or Happy New Year, but I guess it makes me realize what a selfish person he really is. I can't believe I meant that little to him.
What is it you want? You have gone NC. He hasn't contacted you for Christmas so you are hurt?????

You either want NC or you don't. There can't be an amnesty for Christmas and then you go back. It just doesn't work that way. You will have to start all over again.

If he is leaving you alone, thank the Lord and move on.

Poppy.
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Old 18th January 2018, 5:58 AM   #22
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What is it you want? You have gone NC. He hasn't contacted you for Christmas so you are hurt?????

You either want NC or you don't. There can't be an amnesty for Christmas and then you go back. It just doesn't work that way. You will have to start all over again.

If he is leaving you alone, thank the Lord and move on.

Poppy.
Exactly. You dont get to have it all... its either NC or not.

If he doesnt contact you it is the best thing that can happen.
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Old 18th January 2018, 6:05 AM   #23
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Uh oh...jj....what happened? How long were you NC?
it lasted for i guess a month. maybe more. i cant remember.
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Old 18th January 2018, 9:21 AM   #24
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it lasted for i guess a month. maybe more. i cant remember.
Why do you have a new user name? What happened to the old one?
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Old 18th January 2018, 9:38 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by Poppy47 View Post
What is it you want? You have gone NC. He hasn't contacted you for Christmas so you are hurt?????

You either want NC or you don't. There can't be an amnesty for Christmas and then you go back. It just doesn't work that way. You will have to start all over again.

If he is leaving you alone, thank the Lord and move on.

Poppy.
I know it's not rational. He doesn't know I am purposely not contacting him. Maybe it's a stupid game. I mean, even if we said we would be "friends" wouldn't you say Merry Christmas to a friend? IDK, we never had any big break up or anything. I guess he just doesn't care about me at all. A sobering fact, but a fact nonetheless.
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Old 18th January 2018, 8:11 PM   #26
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The person he cares about is himself. He cares about you if you are stroking his ego by reaching out to him and being available to him. Since you've stopped he's getting his ego stokes from somewhere else. He doesn't want to have to work for your attention, that doesn't do his ego any good.

That's what I'm telling myself about my situation. Only 8 days right now since our last contact but it has to start somewhere, right? Be strong and try to put your focus on you and what makes you happy. When you think of him think of all the pain and insecurity he's caused you and try to see it as a really good thing that he's not contacted you. You have to want better for yourself. And keep posting here
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Old 2nd February 2018, 11:52 AM   #27
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Broke NC

I went almost two months without contacting him. 8 weeks to be exact. Last night I sent a text asking if I was blocked. Totally immature I know. I made so much progress and I had been feeling pretty good about myself, my family and even my husband and I are connecting more. So the text said it was delivered, but he didn’t respond. It’s probably for the best, but why does it still hurt so much? Why does he still have this “power” over me. I really hate it. I feel like I’m back to square one.

So some friendly advice to those doing no contact, keep with it no matter how painful it may be. I find the urge to contact comes in waves, and it’s best to resist it. Feeling discarded and used is a much worse feeling.

Wishing you all strength!
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Old 2nd February 2018, 12:05 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Scoutjr View Post
I went almost two months without contacting him. 8 weeks to be exact. Last night I sent a text asking if I was blocked. Totally immature I know. I made so much progress and I had been feeling pretty good about myself, my family and even my husband and I are connecting more. So the text said it was delivered, but he didn’t respond. It’s probably for the best, but why does it still hurt so much? Why does he still have this “power” over me. I really hate it. I feel like I’m back to square one.

So some friendly advice to those doing no contact, keep with it no matter how painful it may be. I find the urge to contact comes in waves, and it’s best to resist it. Feeling discarded and used is a much worse feeling.

Wishing you all strength!
8 weeks is quite an accomplishment! I'm just curious as to why you sabotaged the 8 weeks of NC by reaching out. He doesn't have the power over you as he didn't break the NC. You did this to yourself.

You aren't back at square one as much as you need to ask yourself why you are trying to cause yourself this unnecessary upset.

It seems to be that you should call a friend or family member when you feel anxious about breaking NC.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 12:57 PM   #29
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Scout: I'm 3 weeks in NC this time around. Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you are going through this. It's all progress. An attempt at breaking NC gets you one step closer to where you're ready to be done. AND, you were kind enough to share that lesson with us. I had a white-knuckle moment yesterday. It passed fortunately. If it happens again today (usually in the afternoon) I'm going to read your post for support. Keep going and keep sharing.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 1:04 PM   #30
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8 weeks is good...

8 weeks is good...

I have tried to keep up with your stuff.

I have news for you though, not to be mean at all, but dear you were used. You were used for sex and an ego boost. That is really all that it was.

What do you think it will take for you to commit to your marriage and forget this guy?
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