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The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 19th December 2017, 12:24 PM   #16
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Happy belated birthday, Poppy!

And Happy Holidays to all!

We all have to do what we feel is best to get through, and I have faith that we will all make it!

Poppy may need a slap, or a couple of slaps... But after you slap yourself, please do something nice just for you
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Old 19th December 2017, 4:08 PM   #17
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I am sorry if I am threadjacking, Poppy but my emotions are acting up at the moment - wow, this really took me by surprise today. A mixture of grief, anger, resentment and, dare I say, hate. I hate him for making me feel terrible. I hate me for making me feel terrible. Sorry - I have met so many merry people these last few days and it has turned me into the Christmas Grinch.
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Old 19th December 2017, 4:56 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by What_Did_I_Do View Post
Congrats on your retirement Poppy and a super huge Happy Birthday!!

I snooped on xmm's wife's FB a few weeks back. She had changed her setting to private. It was a visual reminder/kick in the *ss that I was not welcome in their life.

2018 will be a change year for me too. I love to travel but did very little for the past 7 years as I didn't want miss my daily hour meet-ups with HIM. Blah. Heading out on a trip next month with one of my oldest g/friends. So looking forward to it!
Enjoy your travel. YOu have a lot to make up for.

Poppy.
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Old 19th December 2017, 10:30 PM   #19
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Happy Birthday to you Poppy! Cheers to you on your special day.
Quote:
Thank you London. I love where you live.
You're always welcome to come to London and can stay with us.

Quote:
It is not only the younger generations who make mistakes. LOL.
You define your maturity, not your age. Personally I always followed my heart even though I knew It could go wrong but I never regret my decisions except this affair. I had a messy divorce and it costs me too much but never gave me any depression or anxiety but this affair killed me emotionally. I am not the same person anymore.

I never believed or took serious about people telling me about their depression, but when it hit me ohh dear then I realise that its worse than any other pain.

I don't know what really clicked but I am in much better mental state right now, I feel neutral when I think about my AP. I think I made the best decision to post in this forum and you guys helped me to see the real face of my AP. Still too early to say anything but at least I can concentrate on my work.

Who knows that tomorrow will bring your Prince Charming to your door!

Keep smiling Poppy!!!!!
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Old 19th December 2017, 11:41 PM   #20
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Hi Poppy,
It's so tempting to reach out isn't it. I've been struggling with it myself. But I keep telling myself he is not worth it. And like Jah, I think my mm is a narcissist. I don't have many Words of Wisdom, but I'm pulling for you!!!
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Old 22nd December 2017, 4:20 AM   #21
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How are you doing now Poppy? I hope you are doing ok and not reaching out to him in any shape or form (facebook snooping included).

How long have you been in NC? I know it's a long road ahead of me (just a few months out after a 3 year plus affair) to keep staying NC because sometimes the loneliness gets at you really bad. But reading your words of determination and wisdom has helped me a lot in keeping my resolve. THank you!!

Merry Christmas!! All the best for the new year!
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Old 26th December 2017, 5:16 PM   #22
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Merry Christmas Poppy.

I still read from time to time to keep myself away from ex mm.

I went through a deep depression a month or so ago over it all which Iím still dealing with but feeling much better.

One thing Iíve learnt this year is there is no quick fix, just take it Day by day week by week
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Old 26th December 2017, 6:10 PM   #23
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Merry Christmas Angel. I have not seen you for ever so long.
Glad to hear that you are keeping away from mm.

Cheers,
Poppy
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Old 26th December 2017, 6:34 PM   #24
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How are you doing now Poppy? I hope you are doing ok and not reaching out to him in any shape or form (facebook snooping included).

How long have you been in NC? I know it's a long road ahead of me (just a few months out after a 3 year plus affair) to keep staying NC because sometimes the loneliness gets at you really bad. But reading your words of determination and wisdom has helped me a lot in keeping my resolve. THank you!!

Merry Christmas!! All the best for the new year!
Hello Sadgirl,
I'm not sure how long I have been in NC, maybe 18 months completely.
I used to look at his FaceBook and he would leave cryptic messages relating to my interests and profession. He knew everything about me.
They were only hooks to get me to reach out again so I blocked him.

Christmas has come and gone and still complete No Contact. It is always good to recall some dreadful experiences during the A. That will keep you focused on the road ahead.

Keep on going,
Poppy.
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Old 26th December 2017, 6:49 PM   #25
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Sometimes I wish SM had never been invented. It's just too easy to peek. I read that this is one of the things a narcissist counts on after you leave him. He still wants to have that control over you so posting things to make you jealous or get a rise out of you is a good way for him to do it. And he no doubt knows that Christmas is going to be a prime vulnerable time for you. Anyway, I thought this was a pretty good article:

https://narcsite.com/2017/12/05/the-wrong-no-contact/

I especially like how he refers to continued contact as keeping the "emotional infection" alive. (I know that site is for victims of narcissism, but I think narcissism is not uncommon in MM seeking OW).
Hi Jah,
Thanks for that.
More people should read this site. The author makes no pretence to be anything but a narcissist. I found myself profoundly shaken by the article. It is exactly what used to happen
I have blocked xmm's FaceBook long ago. I can't see him and better still he can't see what I am doing these days. If you unblock somebody on Facebook, you can't block them again for 24 hours.

Christmas has com and gone and we are all still alive and breathing with NC intact. No emotional infection!!!! What a great expression.
Thanks again,
Poppy.
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Old 29th December 2017, 6:17 PM   #26
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This may be a little late, but I still think itís an important perspective, particularly as New Yearís is still ahead.

When I was single or broken-hearted, the holidays were always sad and wistful. I would see couples and just imagine what a wonderful, magical holiday they must be having. I could practically hear the Christmas carols ringing... .

Hereís the reality. I am very happily married and I have been given much more than my fair share in this world. But guess what? The holidays arenít some magic flipping Christmas special at my house. I still got needles all through the rug that I had to pick out by hand. We went to my in-laws for the holidays and while they are wonderful people, most of the Day was spent indoors watching TV. In the end, Christmas Day was not a letdown this year because I just
Didnít have any expectations. Had I had them, it would have been a letdown.

I donít say this to be ungrateful or miserable. I am truly a happy person. But, I spent a lot of years being lonely at the holidays - I was a single girl for a long time - and I always felt I was missing out during the holidays. Please donít feel that way. You are not missing out! Very rarely do any of us get those Hallmark movie Christmases and when someone we love does, we should all celebrate and be happy for them. In the meantime, the rest of us are really truly in the same boat.

I hope this gives those who need it a little perspective. If someone would have told me this back in my single days, it would have made those days just a
Little easier.

Hugs and Happy New Year,
GG
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Old 7th January 2018, 8:29 PM   #27
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Just wanted to add something to this thread. Just discovered there is an app called Cold Turkey that will let you block sites for a period of time. I think I may try it. Blocking a person never worked for me because it's just too easy to get around it. But if I can be forced to stay off of certain social media sites... may help...
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