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Frustrated still at 'break up' with MM


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 12th September 2017, 10:08 AM   #61
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I don't mean to be harsh, but at some point you have to the responsibility for the pain and stop blaming him.

He isn't ever going to choose you. He's actually invested in a committed woman and has friendzoned you by talking about her.

As long as you maintain contact, your pain will continue. He knows you are so in love with him and he'll continue treating you like crap.... because you're allowing him to.
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Old 12th September 2017, 12:19 PM   #62
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Originally Posted by sandylee1 View Post
I don't mean to be harsh, but at some point you have to the responsibility for the pain and stop blaming him.

He isn't ever going to choose you. He's actually invested in a committed woman and has friendzoned you by talking about her.

As long as you maintain contact, your pain will continue. He knows you are so in love with him and he'll continue treating you like crap.... because you're allowing him to.
I know I need to be tougher, for my own sanity at least!
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Old 13th September 2017, 7:38 AM   #63
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I know I need to be tougher, for my own sanity at least!
Jenkins95? Not 'spoken' to you in ages.
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Old 13th September 2017, 7:54 AM   #64
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This man is not just abusive it is obvious he just doesn't care anything about the OP or how she feels. He is trying to get rid of you by throwing his new OW in your face. It sounds like he doesn't even want the sex anymore. You have got to get in counseling and work on your self esteem. This affair is over as you once knew it.
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Old 13th September 2017, 7:56 AM   #65
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Originally Posted by sandylee1 View Post
I don't mean to be harsh, but at some point you have to the responsibility for the pain and stop blaming him.

He isn't ever going to choose you. He's actually invested in a committed woman and has friendzoned you by talking about her.

As long as you maintain contact, your pain will continue. He knows you are so in love with him and he'll continue treating you like crap.... because you're allowing him to.
I totally agree. At a certain point, you can't blame him anymore... You are the one who allows the continued contact and because of that, you are the person who is responsible for creating your own pain.
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Old 13th September 2017, 12:52 PM   #66
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I totally agree. At a certain point, you can't blame him anymore... You are the one who allows the continued contact and because of that, you are the person who is responsible for creating your own pain.
I understand where you're coming from. I'm devastated, feel lost, heartbroken, vulnerable. Am still at work sitting outside, when I finished an hour and a half ago!
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Old 14th September 2017, 1:20 AM   #67
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TVI guess what gets me, is that on more than one occasion earlier this year I'm sure I had asked him if there was anyone else when he said "Come on, no there isn't," so I feel lied to. However, when I said was surprised recently there was, he said "What do you expect?" "We're not in a relationship now." So I guess he was either lying, or it was short lived, yet strong. We had a chat over the phone last night, must've been the worst one we've had. Although he'd earlier texted he didn't feel the same about me as I do him, he said we've gone to bed a number of times and haven't been able to... I think this is likely a strong, if not main factor and I know have put on weight (which he's commented on). The last time we went to bed on Sun, he couldn't get it up long enough (blaming his tiredness and alcohol). I deleted my whatsapp account last night, which we mainly communicated on.

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Old 18th September 2017, 12:07 AM   #68
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I have had the worst weekend, ever. We met on Saturday night for cinema and afterwards a meal, when he stormed off at the end as he said I was taking too long with my food, which "infuriated" him. He also needed to get the train back and decided to go whilst I'd taken "f***in half an hour" in the toilets.

Today was even worse after I stupidly texted him a few times yesterday morning and once last night, when he said the most ruthless things e.g I'm too slow physically and mentally (I replied saying it could be side effects of medication I'm on), was no us, to find someone new etc. He just went too far.

He now clearly wants to be with another married woman at work (he didn't know what would happen now after he'd ended it a week ago, but they met up for a chat in the week), who he said feels is a close match, which has spoilt any potential left and pains me to death, yet is going through a separation himself. He has also just began internet dating. He asked me to stop keep messaging him, or he'd block me.

We've known each other for 5 years, which just makes it so cruel I feel, but am now respecting his space.

We were just going "to see" before at his request a month or two ago. He since told me not to pressurise him after we slept together (not actually penetrated) last Sunday, but he confirmed there was no point now this weekend and has been very cross.

I feel so ill and had to ring in sick on Friday in my new job. I don't know how I'm going to cope today, or the foreseeable tbh. I will be looking into getting counselling though.

He just doesn't seem to care about my feelings anymore, even wellbeing. He just cares about himself. I plan to move out from where I am in the next few weeks, so I won't feel so isolated perhaps. Although that's a separate issue.

I am doing my best to let go and respect that I will have to leave it to him to make the next contact, whenever that may be. However, I am heartbroken at his behaviour towards me. I'm meant to be at work in an hour and a half! Is it possible he will miss me in time and realise he's been too harsh towards me? I feel I have totally blown it now, after obviously coming on too strong.

Last edited by goldengirl11; 18th September 2017 at 1:12 AM..
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Old 18th September 2017, 8:26 AM   #69
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GG,

This MM is awful. You have to see him for who he really is. He cheats with single women, he has relationships with married women .... he is not a good man.

He needs to be part of your past. I said earlier that you were responsible for your pain and you keep going back for more.

Please don't give hi the change to hurt you anymore. You have to take care of your heart.
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Old 18th September 2017, 8:53 AM   #70
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The last time we went to bed on Sun, he couldn't get it up long enough (blaming his tiredness and alcohol).
Why on earth are you sleeping with this man?
It is obvious he doesn't care a damn about you.

Why would he?
"We're not in a relationship now." sounds pretty clear to me, so why are you hanging on in there especially when his actions and words show he barely even likes you.
I could say he is using you for sex but he cannot even get it up...

DO not lose your job over this guy, get real.
He is moving on, whether you like it or not.
YOU need to look out for number one and that now needs to be you.
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Old 18th September 2017, 11:26 PM   #71
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Have been up all night. I think a big issue why this relationship didn't work out before was because I very rarely invited him round, because my flat was and is in a dreadful state, which ridiculously led me to pretend I had moved back with my parents temporarily a few months ago. I doubt that helped from a sexual perspective!

Last edited by goldengirl11; 18th September 2017 at 11:30 PM..
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Old 19th September 2017, 10:10 PM   #72
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Have been up all night. I think a big issue why this relationship didn't work out before was because I very rarely invited him round, because my flat was and is in a dreadful state, which ridiculously led me to pretend I had moved back with my parents temporarily a few months ago. I doubt that helped from a sexual perspective!
I've only read the last couple posts and um, I don't think that's the reason. The guy is a douche. I can sit here and spout that you deserve better, but it means nothing unless you believe it too and it's apparent in these last couple posts, that you think you deserve this?

Maybe I'm not getting the whole story (I'm not... I'll admit again, I only read the last few posts and didn't want to go back any further because I have a feeling it's more of the same).

OP. Are you better off with him or without him?

I think it's the second one.
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Old 20th September 2017, 2:39 AM   #73
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I've only read the last couple posts and um, I don't think that's the reason. The guy is a douche. I can sit here and spout that you deserve better, but it means nothing unless you believe it too and it's apparent in these last couple posts, that you think you deserve this?

Maybe I'm not getting the whole story (I'm not... I'll admit again, I only read the last few posts and didn't want to go back any further because I have a feeling it's more of the same).

OP. Are you better off with him or without him?

I think it's the second one.
What I'm fuming about, is that although he said we weren't in a relationship, we met in June for a "review" when there was no mention of anyone else and appeared to give the impression that I was the last person he slept with, which proved now unlikely true - when he said that he was given tablets to use for ED, which I'm sure he said he hadn't used yet. Then instead of him making plans with me to try them, he said that he couldn't take another sexual setback and asked if I would be "ready" for him, which he obviously had doubts about - as it would then appear his relationship with this other woman continued, when he accidentally fell hard for her I guess. Dangerous territory! I suppose it was a case of being strung along than cheating or betrayed. Although very similar feelings.

I know I have o move on. Why should he have another chance? I stupidly e-mailed earlier to ask for a no strings experience, as he was convinced I had vagnismus. Probably why he thought there was no harm trying with someone else... And then he ends up falling for her! I've been off sick all this week, as just not been coping. So angry with myself. I need to look after myself more, especially as I live on my own. It's amazing how worthless a man can make you feel.

Last edited by goldengirl11; 20th September 2017 at 3:11 AM..
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Old 13th December 2017, 1:58 AM   #74
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Frustrated still at 'break up' with MM

I am still very much heartbroken. To cut it short, despite being involved with this MM for 5 years, he 'dumped' me for a married woman at his workplace n August, shortly after separating from his wife. He has treated me appallingly IMO, dismissing us as just dating before, yet for a while never really tried and secretly focussed his attentions elswhere, when he twice denied it.
Sadly, we did experience a some sexual difficulties on and
off, which he described to his new partner as a bad experience and with whom who benefited from his ED treatment, obviously when giving up on me. He said although we have a connection and history, we never reached the same connection/level (same goals, similar age etc) and feel frustrated that we didn't get to make love with his treatment, when he said his heart was now elsewhere. Although we did get to have proper sex since, but no real affection, as he felt guilty. He said I proved a point though, but was too late.
I am finding it particularly hard as the holidays are coming as they are still together (she lives with her husband), after a very brief breakup initiated and rekindled between them in Sept.
I am trying to move on, but needed to try and vent. My life has been torn apart and miss him so much. He thinks its fine to be friends i.e calls very occasionally, after he thinks I've got to grip more with my feelings now, but truthfully, I haven't.
Lastly, I was a bit taken back by a comment he made yesterday, when I said he's set me on fire (with this situation), to which he replied he had that effect. I felt sick.
Would be grateful for some support please.

Last edited by goldengirl11; 13th December 2017 at 2:12 AM..
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Old 13th December 2017, 2:26 AM   #75
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I am still very much heartbroken. To cut it short, despite being involved with this MM for 5 years, he 'dumped' me for a married woman at his workplace n August, shortly after separating from his wife. He has treated me appallingly IMO, dismissing us as just dating before, yet for a while never really tried and secretly focussed his attentions elswhere, when he twice denied it.
Sadly, we did experience a some sexual difficulties on and
off, which he described to his new partner as a bad experience and with whom who benefited from his ED treatment, obviously when giving up on me. He said although we have a connection and history, we never reached the same connection/level (same goals, similar age etc) and feel frustrated that we didn't get to make love with his treatment, when he said his heart was now elsewhere. Although we did get to have proper sex since, but no real affection, as he felt guilty. He said I proved a point though, but was too late.
I am finding it particularly hard as the holidays are coming as they are still together (she lives with her husband), after a very brief breakup initiated and rekindled between them in Sept.
I am trying to move on, but needed to try and vent. My life has been torn apart and miss him so much. He thinks its fine to be friends i.e calls very occasionally, after he thinks I've got to grip more with my feelings now, but truthfully, I haven't.
Lastly, I was a bit taken back by a comment he made yesterday, when I said he's set me on fire (with this situation), to which he replied he had that effect. I felt sick.
Would be grateful for some support please.
Seriously? Sorry but read your post... why would you want somebody who clearly treats you like dirt?
He's done you a huge favour.

Poppy.
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