LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > The Other Man / Woman

Frustrated still at 'break up' with MM


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

Like Tree125Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11th August 2017, 11:24 AM   #31
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Posts: 604
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenkins95 View Post
Come here again (((goldengirl11))) x

I've been thinking of you. It's great that you are posting. We're here for you and this will fast-track your recovery.

I didn't think this story could shock me much more, but now it turns out he has had a vasectomy!!! OMG!

I think it's downright irresponsible to get involved with a 21 year old, who may not yet completely know whether she wants to eventually have children or not, when you have had "the snip". I truly hope he's discussed all this with her as it would be extremely cruel if he didn't mention this ON DAY 1.

He's nearly double her age, has two failed marriages behind him, was very cruel to his OW (you) and has had the snip. And she is little more than a child. Five years from now, she will likely be a completely different person. You would get very long odds on this lasting more than a couple of years - but try not to make it your problem GG. This is their mess, you need to look after YOU.

I do know what you mean about music being a trigger for unwelcome mind movies. It's not uncommon GG. Ride it out. Things get better.

You've been badly hurt by two MM. It's a sh*t sandwich for now, but you'll move past it. Look after yorself. You're clearly a lovely, intelligent woman, you can do so much better than someone who is committed to someone else...and I know you will.

We're here.
Thanks so much! Really appreciate your support.

All the best too!
goldengirl11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th August 2017, 3:25 PM   #32
Established Member
 
misspalmy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 224
Let her have the cheater,
misspalmy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2017, 1:03 PM   #33
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Posts: 604
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengirl11 View Post
Jenkins95 - Can I PM you please? I didn't seem able to.
Thanks
Don't worry, I wasn't going to pester you, but no problem if not.
goldengirl11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2017, 7:55 PM   #34
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 1,659
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenkins95 View Post

I think it's downright irresponsible to get involved with a 21 year old, who may not yet completely know whether she wants to eventually have children or not, when you have had "the snip". I truly hope he's discussed all this with her as it would be extremely cruel if he didn't mention this ON DAY 1.
There seems to be a rash of unintended or very ill advised pregnancies here and on another forum I frequent. At least this young woman won't get pregnant and have to make the life altering choice of aborting, giving for adoption, or raising a baby.


Silver linings, man, gotta look for em.
__________________
I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me. Where the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain." - Litany Against Fear
MJJean is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th August 2017, 5:13 AM   #35
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by MJJean View Post
There seems to be a rash of unintended or very ill advised pregnancies here and on another forum I frequent. At least this young woman won't get pregnant and have to make the life altering choice of aborting, giving for adoption, or raising a baby.


Silver linings, man, gotta look for em.
So very true.
smalltownwriter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th August 2017, 4:39 AM   #36
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Out West
Posts: 1,294
[]

How are you doing this week? Are you feeling any better or at least, less devastated? Has there been any contact with either MM? I really hope you can detach yourself from both of them soon. They don't deserve you.

Keep posting. x

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 20th August 2017 at 2:10 AM.. Reason: Topcial content
jenkins95 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th August 2017, 4:40 AM   #37
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Out West
Posts: 1,294
Quote:
Originally Posted by MJJean View Post
There seems to be a rash of unintended or very ill advised pregnancies here and on another forum I frequent. At least this young woman won't get pregnant and have to make the life altering choice of aborting, giving for adoption, or raising a baby.


Silver linings, man, gotta look for em.
This is actually a very good point - as long as she knows from day 1 that he's unable to father more children.
jenkins95 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th August 2017, 4:50 PM   #38
Member
 
Pocket's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengirl11 View Post
Hi,
I'd be grateful for some quick advice please.
Basically, my MM & wife had another bust up recently. Particularly after she questioned by him about me (she doesn't know who exactly I am), he admitted we'd slept together during their 6 month 'separation.'
To be honest, I thought that she probably had told him to move out in the heat of the moment, but at approx 5pm yesterday he rang me out of the blue to say he was living in a flat now and asked to meet up, maybe next week or today.
I replied via text asking how he was etc, also that was with family yesterday and that probably a day next week would be best to meet. Also, I had wondered how he was in the week, but thought I would keep him a bit of space (he asked for it a few weeks back, after I got very emotional after we met). He simply replied with "I think that's what you said last time" i.e when he moved out before 2 years ago. I was quite hurt by that, but it's all about him isn't it?
He NEVER put me first over his family's plans, etc. I said I would ring him back today daytime, as couldn't last night as was with family. Should I jump and see him today, or meet up in a day or two which would suit me better? I'm starting to feel selfish now, but if he's in a crisis...
Thanks
Hi GG,

It doesn't look as though you've had much support from someone who is in the same position as you, so here I am.

If it makes you happy to see sMM (separated MM) then see him. Just know that he's likely working on seeing if his M can be repaired while he exercises his options. If you were separated wouldn't you want to explore options before returning back to your spouse, especially one that hadn't completely satisfied you? I know I would, so I can't blame him for that. And I'm sure you'll want to know if he still meets any of your needs. If not, well it didn't hurt trying.

As for the other committed guy, well, let him enjoy Miss young thing. I'd stay away from that one. I never understood the volatile mind that blocks, regriebds, and then blocks again. That doesn't read stable to me.

And you don't need counseling just because some lay person suggests it. Do it only if it feels right and if you think you'll truly benefit from it. And don't post to please others, post in hopes of receiving feedback from someone who's been in the same position as you and can truly understand your point of view.

(((GG)))
Pocket is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th August 2017, 7:40 PM   #39
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pocket View Post
Hi GG,

It doesn't look as though you've had much support from someone who is in the same position as you, so here I am.

If it makes you happy to see sMM (separated MM) then see him. Just know that he's likely working on seeing if his M can be repaired while he exercises his options. If you were separated wouldn't you want to explore options before returning back to your spouse, especially one that hadn't completely satisfied you? I know I would, so I can't blame him for that. And I'm sure you'll want to know if he still meets any of your needs. If not, well it didn't hurt trying.

As for the other committed guy, well, let him enjoy Miss young thing. I'd stay away from that one. I never understood the volatile mind that blocks, regriebds, and then blocks again. That doesn't read stable to me.

And you don't need counseling just because some lay person suggests it. Do it only if it feels right and if you think you'll truly benefit from it. And don't post to please others, post in hopes of receiving feedback from someone who's been in the same position as you and can truly understand your point of view.

(((GG)))
Did you read her posts? She is hurting, she is having self esteem issues. Telling her to keep seeing MARRIED MEN isn't what she needs! Those men can't help her - counseling will help her realize she deserves BETTER than 2 cheating men!!
Grammie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th August 2017, 8:18 PM   #40
Member
 
Pocket's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grammie View Post
Did you read her posts? She is hurting, she is having self esteem issues. Telling her to keep seeing MARRIED MEN isn't what she needs! Those men can't help her - counseling will help her realize she deserves BETTER than 2 cheating men!!
Not sure if forum guidelines are such that we can go off topic and converse with each other on someone else's thread so I'm taking my chances in responding to you. If it benefits the original poster then that's a good thing, I guess.

Since I've been with my MM for long over a decade and have had no hit to my self-esteem as a result I cannot see the logic in your post. Unless GG feels that her self-esteem plummets directly from having seen a MM then she should keep seeing him if it makes her happy.

It was my xH that caused my self-esteem to plummet, and myself that brought it back when I left him. My MM only added to my joy and happiness. We all have very different experiences and not all Rs are bad. And sometimes ARs are better than MRs. I do hope GG finds the happiness she seeks within herself and only allows MM, or whoever, to embellish that happiness.
Pocket is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th August 2017, 1:41 PM   #41
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Posts: 604
I'm feeling heartbroken now, literally. I've just blurted out stuff to two friends/acquaintances of mine, as one happened to be on-line.

I'm torn apart, after he said he wasn't in the relationship market i.e he didn't want dates, just casual chats. This feels so unfair - last time we met was just awful when I was crying in restaurant, when he said it was mainly down to communication issues (i.e he said I'm rarely open with him). No doubt it was partly sexual too.

He blamed me for not making the effort when I last slept with him the last time, as I didn't bring any lubricant or anything. I think a main issue recently though is that he was quite angry when I told him (at our second to last meeting he initiated to discuss our feelings moving forward) that I had experienced another sexual issue with a previous boyfriend around five years ago, when I sought help via a therapist.

I didn't tell him before, as was embarrassed and the outcome was that I was highly likely not relaxed enough. However, he was angry that I hadn't told him about it, as it may have prevented him thinking he had a sexual problem and seeking counselling, etc. I actually think that that was the final straw between us,from his perspective. Although regrettably I had also told him recently that I had temporarily moved back with my parents (I was too embarrassed to let him see my place at present), which I think also may have put a spanner in the works.

He has now moved out from his wife/family as previously said,but the impression I got is because it is mainly because his wife asked him to move out, but he told me it is because he needs space.

It is a shame I'm working tomorrow in a new job, as I do not feel well enough right now to cope with it.

I'm trying to get things in perspective, as I know he has messed me around for the best part of 5 years, but it is extremely hard as I feel have been played.

I hope I haven't repeated myself, but could really do with some support please.

Thank you
goldengirl11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th August 2017, 1:46 PM   #42
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Posts: 604
Following my last post a few minutes ago, I know this sounds ridiculous, but I'm feeling vulnerable now. Almost like a little girl! If only I had known how bad this would turn out when the affair started!!

Please note this is re the long term MM, as have most definitely moved on from the one with the 21 year old!!

Last edited by goldengirl11; 29th August 2017 at 1:51 PM..
goldengirl11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th August 2017, 2:21 PM   #43
Established Member
 
BluesPower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2,886
I have read your thread...

I have read your thread...

I understand how you are feeling as I have had several breakups over the last few months/years.

The last one was the worst in a while, I was not a 5 year affair, and I have had those, but it was a deep love.

No matter what type of relationship, it sucks and it always will...
BluesPower is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th August 2017, 2:32 PM   #44
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 41
Well GG, I am sorry to hear you are feeling so vulnerable at the moment, big hugs to you. Unfortunately these periods of vulnerability do come to you at unpredictable times after experiences like yours, I do feel for you and I do hope that you can hold yourself together through this and you will find you come out of it stronger and better able to face life.

All these events in our lives shape our characters and if you seek to learn from this it can be turned into positive benefit for the future.

Big hugs again and keep posting!
zanwalk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th August 2017, 4:01 PM   #45
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Posts: 604
Quote:
Originally Posted by zanwalk View Post
Well GG, I am sorry to hear you are feeling so vulnerable at the moment, big hugs to you. Unfortunately these periods of vulnerability do come to you at unpredictable times after experiences like yours, I do feel for you and I do hope that you can hold yourself together through this and you will find you come out of it stronger and better able to face life.

All these events in our lives shape our characters and if you seek to learn from this it can be turned into positive benefit for the future.

Big hugs again and keep posting!
Thanks for your sympathetic words. Finally,he added via text earlier that I had put on a lot of weight and couldn't penetrate me before,which he saw a non-starter -and didn't need me adding to his own problems!! Also that it may sound cruel,but he can't carry on being Me Reasonable! For a moment I was speechless. Although I did reply back to say that had actually rejoined a slimming club recently.

I vow never to have an affair again... There I said it!
goldengirl11 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Frustrated daters. How to break patterns? No_Go Dating 6 23rd June 2015 3:02 PM
Really frustrated with dating, think I need a long break Chris715 In Search Of... 18 26th April 2015 7:32 PM
Frustrated Flygirl43 Friends and Lovers 3 18th September 2008 4:03 AM
Frustrated! Magenta Marriage & Life Partnerships 11 26th June 2007 7:56 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 8:01 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.