hurtingbad Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 My wife and I have been married for almost 11 years. I found out about 6 months ago that she had been talking to some guy on the phone for at least the previous 6 months. She has continued to deny that she has had sex, or even contend that it was an emotional affair. We have now been separated for about 3 months, after among other things I found out her relationship with this man continued. I feel like a real snoop, but I found a journal in her closet where she noted among other things, how this man didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore, and how sad she was about this. She said that "of course all he wanted was sex" and "thank god I didn't get pregnant" and "I cheated on my husband, and acted like a whore." I confronted my wife about finding out this information and she still says that these were "just her feelings at the time" and that it is not an admission of any kind of sexual activity. My question is "Am I crazy, or is her journal an admission of sexual intercourse?" And if so, how do I take things from here. I feel I should probably see a doctor about possible STD's. I am confused as to why my wife continues to be dishonest with me. Should I just end everything now? I do love my wife, but how could I ever trust her again? Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Your wife most certainly has cheated on you and it is pretty insulting that she is continuing to try to lie about it, even when faced with irrefutable evidence. Jeez, I am sorry to hear you are going through so much pain. I can sympathize with you that you love your wife. And I understand that you will have a hard time trusting her in the future. The only thing I can suggest is the following: first, she must confess what she has done. I dont know how you are going to get her to do this, but if I were you I would tell her that you are no longer going to have contact with her until she admits what she has done. Second, she must feel the consequences of what she has done. And she must realize that only through her hard work will she get you back. If these things happen then you might want to think about forgiving her, but you certainly cant forgive her while she continues to lie to you. That way you would only be asking for trouble. Good luck,,, Overseas Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 i too am sorry, dishonesty is difficult. she is obviously scared of telling you the truth, tell her that you are willing to work through anything with her but that it is impossible to work through anything other than the truth. (but only if this is the truth ;-) ) Link to post Share on other sites
cranium Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 MW and I have been married 16 years and have two young children. She had a PA last year. I found a condom wrapper, so she had to come clean. I also read her journal that contained "her feelings at the time". Don't worry about feeling like a snoop, you deserve to know what is going on. No, you are not crazy. She slept with the guy. Is she still in contact with him? Have you suggested counseling? She has got to tell you the truth about her A and counseling could help. You can't be expected to trust her again if she won't be honest about this. Sorry, it sucks. Just know you are not alone. Cranium http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t57566/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtingbad Posted June 8, 2005 Author Share Posted June 8, 2005 It is good to hear that I am not going crazy. I don't know why she continues to lie. My gut feeling is that she is actually trying to cover for this other guy, even though he is not married. We have tried counseling, however, it is my opinion now, that if she doesn't come "clean" there's no point. I am still having a hard time believing that all of this actually is happening to ME! Thanks for the replies! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 I'm gonna suggest you reading DazednConfused's thread in Infidelity. Here's the link. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t40398/ I think what he went through and is still going through will shed some light on your situation and hopefully it will help YOU cope with what your wife has done. Another suggestion here, print out his thread and let your wife read it. Maybe she'll see wtf she's doing to do. Sorry you're in pain. Hang in there and if you love her fight for her - Do marriage councilling and find out what was missing from the marriage...I'm not saying the affair is your fault, no no no, not at all, that was HER CHOICE. Just a shame she didn't come and discuss how she was feeling BEFORE she chose to sleep with somebody else. Link to post Share on other sites
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