2ndgenrationOW Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 My ex now MM is staying with his W and I am now dating a sexy SINGLE cop who is older and not in to the games. Also i am OK with the split up now but right now he is away at his Wife's parents house and i miss him but not for wanting to be with him i miss what he has become my best friend. I know what you are going to say we will just fall back in to it but i don't think so i think we can make it as friends cause we do love each other but know we can never be together. so that is my update. Link to post Share on other sites
seagirl Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 If you truly have nothing to hide does his wife know about the friendship? Not necessarily about the affair but does she know about the friendship? I hate to say it but it sounds to me like you are rationalizing a way to keep your foot in the door. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2ndgenrationOW Posted June 3, 2005 Author Share Posted June 3, 2005 His wife does know about our friendship and now says that she is going to try to get to know me a bit. I only want to stay friends nothing else he will never leave and i see that i just think you only find true friends so few and far between so keep the ones that you find. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by 2ndgenrationOW His wife does know about our friendship and now says that she is going to try to get to know me a bit. I only want to stay friends nothing else he will never leave and i see that i just think you only find true friends so few and far between so keep the ones that you find. I would never be able to be around that woman and look her in the eye knowing I've slept with her husband.. Link to post Share on other sites
seagirl Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I still think that you are trying to keep your foot in the door just in case he does decide to leave. My advice to you would be to stop looking for your friends in his wife's bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2ndgenrationOW Posted June 3, 2005 Author Share Posted June 3, 2005 We started out as friends we have known each other for almost a year and when we started we were friends. We just went down a road that was not good and now that we want to go back to being friends that is bad. All we want for the other one is to see them happy and we do love each other but sometimes all you can be is friends and we know that. He has a nether child on the way with a women who he does not get along with, and he needs friends so i will be there for him. I am also now seeing someone who we both know and he respects great deal so we are done it is just a needed friendship for both of us. Since we have both been burned by friends a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 His wife should be his best friend and closest confidant. Not the other female waiting desperately in the wings for whatever scraps of attention that are thrown her way. You can not go back to just being "friends" once you've crossed that line. Regardless if this relationship was an adulterous affair or simply between two single platonic friends who got carried away. His wife does know about our friendship and now says that she is going to try to get to know me a bit. Of course. Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer. She's not interested in you as a person (you're not quality friend material). Rather, she smells a shark circling the relationship waters and she's keeping a wary vigilance. I don't know who you think you're fooling by trying to establish some phony friendship with the lady married to the guy you want. You're trying to interject yourself into their relationship since you've already been kicked out of their marital bed. If you can't get through the front door, then I suppose you think it's "okay" to try and sneak back in through the back. Since we have both been burned by friends a lot. Seems the two of you are the ones well versed in "burning friends". In life, you reap what you sow. But what puzzles me most is how it is people expect better treatment from others than they even require of themselves. Ever look at your own reflection and ask yourself that? I think you'll find your answers there. Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleFlowers Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I AM JUST SO DEPRESSED TODAY. MY MM DITCHED ME AFTER ONE YEAR OF STICKING IT OUT WITH HIM. HE GIVES ME NO EXPLANATION - JUST HAS NOT CALLED OR ANSWERED MY CALLS. I WORRIED HE MIGHT HAVE DIED OR SOMETHING HORRIBLE AND THEN I SAW HIM DRINKING AND LAUGHING WITH FRIENDS IN A BAR. A BAR THAT I HAVE BEEN OSTRACISED FROM BECASUE I AM JUST "THE WOMAN HE HAD AN AFFAIR WITH" AND "DESTROYED HIS MARRIAGE" I AM JUST SO LOW DOWN... CANT EVEN TALK TO ANY FRIENDS OR FAMILY ABOUT IT BECASUE NO ONE KNOWS HOW DEEP WE WENT... I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO BEGIN THE HEALING PROCESS EXCEPT FOR ON THIS ANONYMOUS WEB BOARD WITH MY VERY SLOW VERY OLD COMPUTER. Link to post Share on other sites
notrust Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 PurpleFlowers Start your own link and tell us the story. You will get a lot of advise on these boards. Not all of it constructive but a lot of it is. We are here to listen and try to help. Notrust Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2ndgenrationOW Posted June 4, 2005 Author Share Posted June 4, 2005 no trust you said this is a good website but to tell you the truth it almost seems that the people who post here and just flat out mean 99% of the time and it is not right. Some people post to get help but all they want to do is put us down on this cite and that is not right at all. any idea why they post here if they dont care? thank you Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by 2ndgenrationOW no trust you said this is a good website but to tell you the truth it almost seems that the people who post here and just flat out mean 99% of the time and it is not right. Some people post to get help but all they want to do is put us down on this cite and that is not right at all. any idea why they post here if they dont care? thank you Because it seems like alot of people just come here to be told what they're doing is right. Actually, most of us have been their. We're not being mean, just being honest. Some people may say things in a mean way.. but most of them aren't mean. You'll get the occasional nasty people.. bitter wives and what not. But as I said, most of us have been there and hate seeing people going through it now.. this really isn't the place to come if you just want people to justify what youi're doing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Do what you have to do to get through your day. If it's maintaining that you'll be "friends" then do so. I still haven't deleted addresses and emails. Why? Because I don't want to. I'm OK with that. Just know that by pretending to be friendly with his wife it makes you a TERRIBLE PERSON. It does. The only thing you can really do is bow out and live your own life. You have accepted the fact he will never leave her (for you) but realize it doesn't make them want to stop banging you. It's not about justification. It's about developing serious emotions over someone you can't have, and that sucks, and needs to be dealt with. Most people seem to think that simply because the relationship doesn't have a stamp of approval that your emotions are less valid than others. Kind of like 'well you shouldn't be DOING that so you have to live with it" but it doesn't actually work that way. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock Do what you have to do to get through your day. If it's maintaining that you'll be "friends" then do so. I still haven't deleted addresses and emails. Why? Because I don't want to. I'm OK with that. Just know that by pretending to be friendly with his wife it makes you a TERRIBLE PERSON. It does. The only thing you can really do is bow out and live your own life. You have accepted the fact he will never leave her (for you) but realize it doesn't make them want to stop banging you. It's not about justification. It's about developing serious emotions over someone you can't have, and that sucks, and needs to be dealt with. Most people seem to think that simply because the relationship doesn't have a stamp of approval that your emotions are less valid than others. Kind of like 'well you shouldn't be DOING that so you have to live with it" but it doesn't actually work that way. I've been through all of it before.. I know how much it sucks. I was directing that at her 'mean people' comment.. maybe justification wasn't the right word. I've just seen some girls come here basically looking for people to tell them what they're doing is ok.. or that's the way it seems. And then when people don't, they think everyone's being mean.. that's all I meant Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 I realize that. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock I realize that. Alrighty.. sorry Link to post Share on other sites
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