ww Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 ok girls . what is the best way to revenge an ex ( MM in our cases ).What do you think? Cuz I think I did it. I wanna hear your opinions Link to post Share on other sites
MiChick43 Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 I was once the OW. Can I add to this? Move forward with your life, be happy. End things gracefully, no games. BE HAPPY. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 No matter how badly it hurts.........move on. If you do anything you are just going to make yourself look bad or immature and that's even worse than if HE was going around saying things to make you look bad. Trust me.........just walk away with your head held high. bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
DesertDweller Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 I agree with the others, but, God, we're only human. And I'm dying to know what form your revenge took! Link to post Share on other sites
wyzeup Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Why should you feel the need to exact revenge? If you get involved with someone's husband and you're gullible enough to believe his lies about leaving his wife for you, how you're his soulmate, how he's only staying for the kids, how he's not really having sex with his wife any longer - well, that's a choice you made to believe this hogwash. Nobody forced you to get involved and sleep with another woman's husband, you made that decision of your own free will. You have no right to want revenge. You play with fire, you get burned - deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
phillygirl63 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 A little harsh wyzeup but kinda true. Anyway, I don't think there is any such thing as sweet revenge. I think it just makes the person that seeks it old and bitter. I think the best course of action is to just learn from your mistakes, own them and make sure you never do something like that again. Link to post Share on other sites
curly Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 ww - not to be too personal but aren't you getting married soon. Why the revenge? I would LOVE to know what you did, but you've been such a proponent of when you move on, it's done. What's going on? To answer... I told xMM that I was going to get him - what comes around, goes around - and I was going to get him. I've thought about how to make his life miserable. How to make him rue the day he ever started all his lies. But then I figure living with his wife or without her, either way, he'll never know the ectasy of being with me again. Of course, neither will I - oooohhhh, there's the rub.... Does it hurt him, or me? Anyway, I've realized that to go after him makes me look vicious, lonely, obsessed, pining for him. I don't want him to know that I still care. I've made enough NC breaks to humiliate myself. I've begged and pleaded to no avail. It's embarassing how much I want him to be with me. But, in being in this f*cked up relationship (OW/MM) which has so many cliches it's ridiculous - one cliche must stand out - "the best revenge is to live well." So that's what I will go on. However, I can't say that if the opportunity presents itself and I feel I can walk away still looking good, I will take revenge. I think about it a lot. I used to work for him and am still respected in his workplace. If I can take it without making myself look stupid (ie: any woman is stupid to get involved with a MM) then I will. I want him to pay. Hey, he might be paying with his wife or alleged separation, but I want to see the pain. I want to see him cry the same way I did when he walked out at 5 am. But as we know, life is not perfect. We don't get what we want... There's a line in a Sheryl Crow song that says (paraphasing...) It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got" How true..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 I never said I am going to do anything to revenge. I just asked your opinion. Mine is: i barely think of him anymore and this question is not at all about me revenging. for all of you taht answered with NOTHING ...well u r so right. Getting the point Curly ? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by ww ok girls . what is the best way to revenge an ex ( MM in our cases ).What do you think? Cuz I think I did it. I wanna hear your opinions Originally posted by ww I never said I am going to do anything to revenge. I just asked your opinion. Mine is: i barely think of him anymore and this question is not at all about me revenging. for all of you taht answered with NOTHING ...well u r so right. Getting the point Curly ? You are contradicting yourself...You said above you thought you did it. If you don't think of him anymore, why pose this question?? Just curious. Just remember if one goes for revenge - The other party could do some revenge back. IS it really worth it? I think it will just hurt you more than anything and the personal satisifaction of screwing him over isn't worth 10 mins of you feeling good about it...Cuz the next day you gotta look in the mirror and face yourself...And Sleep at night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 ok i think i did it ...well it just means i just got over it...not real revenge. I am just over it after all. well I am posting this question just out of curiosity. I remember times I `ve been down and suffering like hell. maybe that`s why the question. Don`t u ppl have this sort of questions? Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Or am i the only one who actually feels bad for my lack of self-control. Let me just speak for me: I've altered the lives of others, at least temporarily. I've hurt children when their Daddy told them he was in love w/someone other than their Mother. I've cried, he's cried, they've cried. WTF???? WHAT REVENGE JUSTIFIES MY OWN ACTIONS??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 you know what. never mind. it was just a question. anyway I wish you all luck in love. we all make mistakes Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 For myself, I know I went through a period when I wanted revenge, or shall I say, when I felt that my ex-MM had done things that he deserved to pay for. I realize it's not my place to judge him, or seek revenge on him, but that's how I felt at the time. I don't feel particularly bad for my lack of self-control. I was naive, perhaps, but I went into this relationship absolutely believing what he told me - that his marriage was ending, that he was in love with me and intended to marry me, and that I had nothing to do with the end of his marriage. Turns out I was wrong, but he lied, and those lies ruined my life for a long time. So for that, I was angry, and as humans, when we are angry, we fantasize about revenge. Luckily, I never acted upon any of my fantasies, and I got to the place of realizing my happiness and peace inside is what matters to me - and I wish him well. Namaste. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Never understood why people would want to exact revenge on someone else. Forget about it and move on. No need to stoop to their level. Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 i have to admit that i was thinking about this just the other day. i've had a few very enlightening days. when i got involved with an MM almost 2 years ago, we ended things quickly. he knew he couldn't continue that way, needed to try to resolve things with his wife, felt guilty, needed to take care of his kids, etc. it hurt but i did understand and felt awful about the whole thing. his W never knew. WELL.... come to find out shortly after we ended things (within a few months) he decided to start an affair with someone else and has since left his W and kids and is convinced that this woman is going to leave her H for him. knowing who this MW is, it is highly unlikely that she will change her lifestyle to be with him. he and i have remained friends, we email and see each other in groups of friends periodically and we really have adjusted to putting the past behind us. well, sort of. but i have to admit, and i know this sounds incredibly hypocritical but .... watching him lie to his W about this now long term affair, using his friends as a "screen" to be able to see this MW, etc., etc. made me pretty angry when i found out. not because i want him back in my life, because i honestly don't, but i had always thought that he and i had gotten caught up in the moment, made a huge mistake that he had learned from and to suddenly see him as the scum that he is .... well, it made me angry at myself too for not being able to see through his facade. but now i see him for who he is and honestly for a brief moment i was happy that his world and his life are now one big pile of shi!. and then i saw his W, and his kids and realized that he's just an incredibly selfish man who clearly could care less about anyone except himself. but i also realized that i don't need revenge, he's screwed up his life pretty badly on his own, and i've moved on. my life is falling back into place, but at his own doing, his is falling apart. he knows i've been dating and am, for the most part happy, he's confused, scared but still refuses to see how his actions are impacting those around him that do love him. he has lost the respect of many around him and i don't think he knows how much i know about the mess he's in. he had told me that he was glad i was there for him to talk to and that my support of what he was going through now was important to him. needless to say, he no longer has that support nor my respect. and if knowing that i was still there as his friend was as important to him as he said it was, i've gotten my revenge. i may have been one of his last friends to still be there to lend support, encouraging him to work things out with his wife, etc. no more, he's on his own in this. being on the outside of this looking in has been a painful experience and brought back a lot of the feelings of how stupid i was to believe the crap he fed me! Link to post Share on other sites
MiChick43 Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 being on the outside of this looking in has been a painful experience and brought back a lot of the feelings of how stupid i was to believe the crap he fed me! Not stupid. Many of us got caught up in believing the lies MM feed us. At least we learn and move on. THats all we can do. Hugs Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Never understood why people would want to exact revenge on someone else. Forget about it and move on. No need to stoop to their level. Exactly. ww, noone is ganging up on you about posing this question..I just didn't understand what you were talking about when you said I think I did it... Wasn't sure if you meant that you'd done something and couldn't take it back kinda deal, that's all. Sorry if I offended you, wasn't my intent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ww Posted June 1, 2005 Author Share Posted June 1, 2005 No offense . no problem at all I just wondered if rest of u had this questions or had gone through the period. That`s all. Anyway I would like to thank you all of you, bc when I was going through a hard times you were there for me with your posts and encouraging words. Now I am way far away from that destructive story and having a nice life but I still come here and read posts. I guess I became kinda addicted to this site. And yes from time to time I have a question to make and a advice to give. yours truly WW Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 WW, You have also been supportive to me/others. Thank you. I think that it is perfectly normal to think the way WW is thinking. Just because she has found a new love doesn't mean she doesn't still have a scar from the relationship that caused her so much pain. Link to post Share on other sites
newbee Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 well i just started a thread about something similar, not aboutgetting revenge exactly but about getting perspective. i may have sounded abit nasty in that thread to some. i think in reply to ms mree, its good to take responsibilty for what we have done, for our part, for our selfishness, this is true. however, when you weigh up and assess a situation, but discover later that the situation that you were assessing wasnt real then that is another matter entirely. for example: alot of these mm ARE only in the affair for sex and an ego boost, their wives and children are blissfully unaware of anything being amiss in their family. to discover that daddy loves somebody else and is leaving would be a shock, it would be terrible definetly. however, the picture painted by the mm is as far from this scenario as can be, he describes the home life, the rows the misery, the children being stuck between the war, the unhappiness of both he and his wife in the marriage. it seems in the grip of this illusion that is also rescuing you from your own misery, that for them to move on with their lives and give the children a more peaceful and happy time individually would be the best for all concerned, and that this amazing loving relationship will help you too. what i am saying is that the decision that most ow make is based on lies and deception, it is not based on the reality at all. therefore the ow feels justified in placing the blame of both her decision and his decision on the shoulders of the mm. i am not saying this is completely fair but i am saying it is inevitable and it is natural. i think the revenge if you can call it that, that i sought was rather to turn the power tables, to have him begging for me and me saying no. this has happened and whilst i wouldnt say it is sweet, its certainly illuminating, what i see is that i must have been extremely unhappy to fall for such clumsy manipulation and to fall for such an awful person really. having said that perhaps for men, losing their hair and their erection is such a huge blow to the ego that they really neeeeed this, its just abit disgusting really, when you see it. as izzy was saying too, when you see what they really are. i dont mean to sound judgemental on them, i'm sure they must be in a bit of a desperate state themselves, it is just that they dont seem to have any moments of regret, even when given the chance to. i have the chance at the moment to play a bit of a nasty trick on my mm regarding a friend of mine that he wants, which kind of made me abit angry when he said it, however, really what is the point??? i dont feel enough about him to bother, i still feel abit embarrassed that i fell for it all and HIM. BUT i dont feel that bad about it since i know how unhappy i was at the time. so for anyone thinking about revenge, think about what a sad and desperate man he already is, think about how you are better off loosening the ties to him rather than winding yourself closer into it all with games and complications. Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 and if that is what WW meant - RIGHT ON!!! And I'm also a firm believer in looking at MY part in whatever brings me misery or resentments - never to point fingers - if i'm believing and falling for some guy that is a walking hard-on and cared for only one part of me (and whomever else) then SHAME ON ME!!! Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 msmree i dont think you are the only person taking responsibility for your part in the affair, also its all very well saying this, putting yourself above everyone by saying you take responsibility etc but you are still DOING it so how much responsibility are you really taking? i mean this with the utmost respect of course! Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 What are you talking about? Whether i'm "doing it" or not, I'm taking responsibility for my actions - in other words, I'm a girl and realize that i went into this w/my eyes open, consequences be damned (so to speak) AND YES I GET ANGRY, but mostly with myself!!! With a comment like "You're still doing it" I'd have to ask who is putt'g themselves above everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 in other words, I'm a girl HAHAHA!! Should be, I'M A BIG GIRL!! oops! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts