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Clarity is so hard to find...


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 31st December 2017, 7:58 PM   #271
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Finally making some good choices

I was invited to spend tonight with her family - to join them for a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant and go back to one of their homes to drink, sing, and spend the night. Even told me I could bring the dog to make it easy to say yes. Part of me really wanted to go - xMW is a close friend, of course, and I've become friends with her kids who are adults, etc.

But I said no, and I admitted that I found it impossible to put her back in the "just a friend" box like she'd asked me to. She said she understood.

So I'll be at home with the dog tonight, and that doesn't feel great. At the same time I feel like it was the right choice and I'm proud of myself for making it. The hard thing will be continuing to not talk to or see her until I feel better, because I know it'll be months. I feel she'll move on in that time until the memory of how much we meant to each other is gone. But if that's what happens, then I suppose it truly was meant to come to this end.

Just felt like expressing myself here. Cheers to anyone else spending their NYE in a way they hadn't seen coming!
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Old 31st December 2017, 8:17 PM   #272
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Originally Posted by BreakingWave View Post
I was invited to spend tonight with her family - to join them for a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant and go back to one of their homes to drink, sing, and spend the night. Even told me I could bring the dog to make it easy to say yes. Part of me really wanted to go - xMW is a close friend, of course, and I've become friends with her kids who are adults, etc.

But I said no, and I admitted that I found it impossible to put her back in the "just a friend" box like she'd asked me to. She said she understood.

So I'll be at home with the dog tonight, and that doesn't feel great. At the same time I feel like it was the right choice and I'm proud of myself for making it. The hard thing will be continuing to not talk to or see her until I feel better, because I know it'll be months. I feel she'll move on in that time until the memory of how much we meant to each other is gone. But if that's what happens, then I suppose it truly was meant to come to this end.

Just felt like expressing myself here. Cheers to anyone else spending their NYE in a way they hadn't seen coming!
Sorry you feel down, but why staying home with a dog doesn't feel great? It should!
Get yourself something nice to eat, wear something nice if you're into dressing up, pour glass of wine if you drink, celebrate the ending of the 2017 where you've suffered so much. Look forward to a New Year, new beginning, your freedom - your happy life awaits.

You don't need her invites, her nice houses, hang outs, being friends and all other BS. She is who she is and who cares what she does - you chose you, you've made a right and dignified choice and yes, you should be proud.

You are strong and don't need her to throw you bones of friendship after she broke your heart.
Cheers and Happy 2018!
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Old 31st December 2017, 9:04 PM   #273
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Dreamwalker,

You're right - I have WONDERFUL dog and chilling out with her does feel pretty good!

BW
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Old 1st January 2018, 12:28 AM   #274
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BreakingWave!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You did it! You stood up for YOU!
You made a decision in YOUR best interests.
I am so proud!!
Are you proud????
Did you feel your self-confidence grow any time after that conversation?
I bet you did!

(Get ready, the very happy bunny is coming along....)



(I really love this little, happy bunny... it makes my day every time I see it. I'm so proud of you!)

Last edited by Vivir; 1st January 2018 at 12:30 AM..
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Old 1st January 2018, 2:09 AM   #275
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that is exactly how I spent NYE with my two best doggie girls. I could not ask for better companions.

They allow me to eat when I like and drink as much as I want. They are happy to go to sleep when I do.

We had a great NYE and so did you. Congratulations.

Poppy.
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:10 AM   #276
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(((BW)))

I am SO proud of you for making a great choice for YOU!

Looking forward to a better 2018 for all of us. You sure have come a long way! I remember appearing on these boards around the same time as you. I feel like we're both in a better place. So glad to have you here!
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Old 1st January 2018, 1:53 PM   #277
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I've just read the entirety of this thread and it's made me so emotional. WELL DONE! I just wanted to say that as a newcomer reading your story in full for the first time it's incredible how far you've come. You should be so proud of yourself for denying her invitation. Happy New Year to you, you're a much stronger person than you give yourself credit for and I'm sure 2018 will bring many positive changes into your life. Wishing you all the best.
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Old 1st January 2018, 4:36 PM   #278
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Wow, y'all - thanks for that wonderful outpouring of support! I truly appreciate it. I actually managed to enjoy my lowkey NYE. It was nice waking up in my own apartment without a telltale headache. I resumed my "Morning Miracle" routine - I recommend to everyone that you check out Hal Elrod - and was able to get some writing and housework done today.

I haven't heard from her at all today. Normally this would really upset me, and I can't pretend I don't think I'll feel depressed about it later. I'm sure she's waiting to see if I contact her, perhaps because she feels awkward and isn't sure how I want her to proceed. But for now, whenever I start to miss her I'm trying to remember how I felt when she didn't call or text on my last birthday. When she invited her husband to join us at a dinner that was going to be just the two of us. When she invited me to meet her for drinks and he was there. The ways she, intentionally or not, managed to make me feel like crap so many times in the last year.

It's definitely hard to contemplate how difficult the next few months will be. Her grandchild will be born in about a month and I know I'll be invited the come meet the baby. Then her son will be getting married and I'll be invited to go to the wedding, and listen to all those vows about monogamy and the sanctity or marriage while I'll be meant to pretend like I didn't have an affair with his mother. Not to mention, I won't have her to call every day and laugh with.

But whenever I feel like I'm being a lesser person... I'll remind myself that I crossed the Atlantic Ocean for her *repeatedly* - most recently, spending hours and hours providing free legal help to a member of her family. And I'll remind myself how often she was unwilling to cross the smallest mud puddle for me in return.

It's not going to be easy. I can't say definitively I'm starting NC. I feel like that will be setting myself up for failure. But what I can say is I'm going to stop making myself so damned available, and I'm going to stop voluntarily walking into situations that I know will hurt me.

2018, I sure hope you turn out better than 2017!
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Old 1st January 2018, 5:56 PM   #279
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Originally Posted by BreakingWave View Post
Wow, y'all - thanks for that wonderful outpouring of support! I truly appreciate it. I actually managed to enjoy my lowkey NYE. It was nice waking up in my own apartment without a telltale headache. I resumed my "Morning Miracle" routine - I recommend to everyone that you check out Hal Elrod - and was able to get some writing and housework done today.

I haven't heard from her at all today. Normally this would really upset me, and I can't pretend I don't think I'll feel depressed about it later. I'm sure she's waiting to see if I contact her, perhaps because she feels awkward and isn't sure how I want her to proceed. But for now, whenever I start to miss her I'm trying to remember how I felt when she didn't call or text on my last birthday. When she invited her husband to join us at a dinner that was going to be just the two of us. When she invited me to meet her for drinks and he was there. The ways she, intentionally or not, managed to make me feel like crap so many times in the last year.

It's definitely hard to contemplate how difficult the next few months will be. Her grandchild will be born in about a month and I know I'll be invited the come meet the baby. Then her son will be getting married and I'll be invited to go to the wedding, and listen to all those vows about monogamy and the sanctity or marriage while I'll be meant to pretend like I didn't have an affair with his mother. Not to mention, I won't have her to call every day and laugh with.

But whenever I feel like I'm being a lesser person... I'll remind myself that I crossed the Atlantic Ocean for her *repeatedly* - most recently, spending hours and hours providing free legal help to a member of her family. And I'll remind myself how often she was unwilling to cross the smallest mud puddle for me in return.

It's not going to be easy. I can't say definitively I'm starting NC. I feel like that will be setting myself up for failure. But what I can say is I'm going to stop making myself so damned available, and I'm going to stop voluntarily walking into situations that I know will hurt me.

2018, I sure hope you turn out better than 2017!
So nice to hear you're enjoyed yourself and your loving doggie.

Your dog cares much more about you than that woman who torn you down.
Don't project how you fell right now into the future - you won't feel that bad for long. You're too good to be stuck in all of this.

Happy 2018 and I hope you're getting excited about new life and a future without all this misery and darkness over you.
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