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The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 12th April 2017, 12:21 PM   #31
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You absolutely did the right thing. This man doesn't sound very good at loving anyone-- he wasn't going to walk away uncommitted-- but was willing to take either partner. You were very smart. His poor wife.
I haven't updated in a minute. But he called me last week three times. Less than three weeks into his marriage. He said he missed me and blah blah blah. He thought I hooked up with one of the groomsman after the wedding. He was upset. I was strong. I told him that he made his choice and he just accept his decisions. He needs to focus on his wife and his new future. I told him to
Stop being selfish and he can't have it both ways. I told him not to contact me further and to stop rubbing salt in the wound. He said "I didn't know I could hurt you" I wanted to ask him "Were you trying to?" But I didn't. I told him that I have nothing else to say and nothing he can say matters much anymore after he went through with it. I told him I had to go. He called back later that night and I didn't pick up or call back.

I actually feel better not talking to him. Makes me feel less anxious.

Thanks y'all.
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Old 12th April 2017, 12:46 PM   #32
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that is good news....maybe, that is the closure that you needed
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Old 12th April 2017, 1:09 PM   #33
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I feel like it's closure for me. For him, it's probably far from over.

I give the marriage less than five years. He will also come back sniffing around. I refuse to have anything further to do with him. The good news is that we don't live in the same state. I only have plans to be in his city over the summer for a week. We may see each other briefly and I'll be cordial and nice for the sake of his wife and to not make it look suspicious. I still feel guilty for the role I played in this. I hope she never finds out because I don't want her to experience the pain of that betrayal.
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Old 12th April 2017, 1:23 PM   #34
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I feel like it's closure for me. For him, it's probably far from over.

I give the marriage less than five years. He will also come back sniffing around. I refuse to have anything further to do with him. The good news is that we don't live in the same state. I only have plans to be in his city over the summer for a week. We may see each other briefly and I'll be cordial and nice for the sake of his wife and to not make it look suspicious. I still feel guilty for the role I played in this. I hope she never finds out because I don't want her to experience the pain of that betrayal.

Why would you need to see him?
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Old 12th April 2017, 1:54 PM   #35
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Why would you need to see him?
I don't need to see him. Believe me, if I can avoid it, I will. I will be on vacation with my best friend who is from their city. My best friend is best friends with his wife. (I know how messed up and uncomfortable that is.) My best friend has no idea about the situation I am in. I can't tell her because she would use the information to blow apart the marriage and cause as much damage as possible. She does not like the groom at all. There's also about 30 friends in this circle who I am also friends with. Can't guarantee that he won't be invited to a gathering. Just going to avoid him at all costs and be polite, distant, and cordial if I cannot.
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Old 12th April 2017, 1:54 PM   #36
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He said "I didn't know I could hurt you" I wanted to ask him "Were you trying to?" But I didn't.
Darkbloom, he was not trying to hurt you. He was surprised that you had taken him seriously enough to cause you pain.

You are right, he will continue to try to find some woman on the side, in spite of his marriage. From how you explain him, he is only one of 'those' crotches...who is forever fishing for a willing affair partner.

Of course you would not fall for this b.s. just don't ever think of him as being sincere...or honest.

Block him and never look back.
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Old 3rd May 2017, 11:56 PM   #37
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I was invited to a birthday party today where he will most likely be in attendance. He called once last week and I didn't pick up or respond. I'm tempted to just stop by the party with my gift and say hello and then bounce. I won't have a problem keeping it light and not awkward but I don't think he wil be able to handle it. I know it's not my problem how he handles the situation but I want to have as close to nothing to do with him as our social circles will allow.
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Old 4th May 2017, 2:56 AM   #38
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He hasn't cheated in his 25 odd years of dating or on his first wife. FWIW, I believe him on that. He told me that he didn't know girls like me existed out in the world. He was also unflinchingly honest with me about everything else.

I do agree though that I don't know if I would be able to get over the dishonest start.
Don't even think of getting over the dishonesty. Why would you?

He will tell you anything to get what he wants. Please wake up and realise that he probably says that to everyone.

How on earth do you KNOW he was honest with you???

Poppy.
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Old 4th May 2017, 7:00 AM   #39
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In another forum the saying is:

No new contact means no new hurts.

I suggest you consider this and avoid contact with him. What's in it for you? He loves the ego stroke that some lovely young lady is enamored of him even though he's recently married to another. Don't stroke his ego.

If you must attend any sociL events where he is, make sure he's with his wife when you speak with him. Cordial but distant. He isn't anybody special in your life. Never consider how he feels.
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Old 31st January 2018, 1:38 AM   #40
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Iíve been away for awhile and not really keeping up with this forum but I thought Iíd post a quick update for anyone that has followed my thread.

He has contacted me sporadically since my last update. He called me at 3 am while on an island vacation with his wife.. I did not answer. He called me three more times and FaceTimed me but I still did not pick up.

My last contact with him was in October. We happened to be in the same city, me for work and him for fun. Ironically enough in the city where it all started. I explained to him that he keeps opening up the wound and dumping salt in it. I asked him if he ever thought that I did not want to hear from him? And that maybe I was going through my own tough times and it is not made better by opening old wounds? He said that he did not consider that and that he was being selfish.

We have not had contact since. I know I made the right decision by ending it when I did. Regardless of the feelings and the love, there was no future there. I am also ill prepared to deal with the consequences of this getting out. I havenít dated anyone since because Iím still trying to figure out how and why I got into this mess to begin with so it doesnít happen again.
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Old 31st January 2018, 2:47 AM   #41
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Iíve been away for awhile and not really keeping up with this forum but I thought Iíd post a quick update for anyone that has followed my thread.

He has contacted me sporadically since my last update. He called me at 3 am while on an island vacation with his wife.. I did not answer. He called me three more times and FaceTimed me but I still did not pick up.

My last contact with him was in October. We happened to be in the same city, me for work and him for fun. Ironically enough in the city where it all started. I explained to him that he keeps opening up the wound and dumping salt in it. I asked him if he ever thought that I did not want to hear from him? And that maybe I was going through my own tough times and it is not made better by opening old wounds? He said that he did not consider that and that he was being selfish.

We have not had contact since. I know I made the right decision by ending it when I did. Regardless of the feelings and the love, there was no future there. I am also ill prepared to deal with the consequences of this getting out. I havenít dated anyone since because Iím still trying to figure out how and why I got into this mess to begin with so it doesnít happen again.
You're very strong and I applaud you for it.
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