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Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: doctor is married]


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 14th January 2018, 11:37 AM   #196
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I understand it's not easy. Perhaps you can be honest with your psychologist and she will work with you on some techniques.
I'm embarrassed to be frank about it to her. I'm afraid of being rejected. She thinks so well of me.

Part of me is now thinking I'm cultivating this obsession to avoid other issues in my life.

That, I should put my tender yet lustful feelings for this doc into poetry and convert it into art.
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Old 14th January 2018, 11:42 AM   #197
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I agree that a large part of your obsession was due to the emptiness in certain aspect(s) of your life. It's unfortunate if you have to worry about being judged by your psychologist; I thought the whole point of talking to a psychologist is that you can pretty much see her like a stranger.
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:18 PM   #198
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Iím going to say this again, even though I just said it.... BUT JUST STOP. Stop dwelling on him, stop thinking about him, stop asking for advice about him on these boards. If you REALLY want to know, then just talk to him directly. (Not that Iím advising that, because I am most definitely not). But stop dwelling on him. Itís just prolonging this whole situation. Either deal with him directly, or just stop all this time and energy and emotions obsessing about a completely impossible situation. Just stop. This is what I advise. Just stop. You are wasting your time. When you are thinking about him, remind yourself itís impossible and distract yourself or find something productive to do. Because he is a complete dead end. Or actually talk to him so he can tell you directly that it is a dead end. (Or if he doesnít and he is weak, he will use you and make you feel like **** for a year or two until it all blows up). But I recommend just MOVING ON. Anything with him is a complete dead end and you are wasting valuable time obsessing about him.

Last edited by Veronica73; 14th January 2018 at 9:24 PM.. Reason: Edit: I donít mean to seam harsh... but...I really, really think you need to just move on. The obsession is holding you back
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:27 PM   #199
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I agree that a large part of your obsession was due to the emptiness in certain aspect(s) of your life. It's unfortunate if you have to worry about being judged by your psychologist; I thought the whole point of talking to a psychologist is that you can pretty much see her like a stranger.
My psychologist is actually trained in toxicology with a minor in psychology, so she's not a certified psychologist.

But, I do talk to her ... and we stick to things like how I'll increase my income as an entrepreneur, my drinking etc.

Somehow, and I'm not really sure how ... people (professional, I mean) tend to think I'm terrific... smart ... nice ... tons of potential.

I'm so highly-functioning that I was dismissed at a psych hospital when I calmly walked in with my own diagnosis. I wasn't taken seriously.

So, what I'm trying to say is that through their projection of my goodness on to me, then it's pretty hard to show them another side.

Sex and death are what I think of ... and no one wants to talk about it.
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:32 PM   #200
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Regarding, the emptiness JuneL well, this is something I feel ... like an inner void.

Unfortunately, I've taken unhealthy paths to deal with it - such as drinking.

Now that I've stopped drinking, and while I was working towards stopping, my obsession with doc grew again... so I think they're linked.

Maybe when the desire for drink subsides, so will my thinking of doc.
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:35 PM   #201
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If your doc let anything happen between you, it would be incredibly unethical, and it would show his concern for his self and his own pleasure were more important than your well-being. It would not be healthy in any way, shape, or form. And that isn’t even taking into consideration the fact that he is married.
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:41 PM   #202
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@Veronica


I like what you said in your edit.


You seem to be feeling the same type of frustration others have felt over my drinking and smoking.

I'm sorry that you feel I'm frustrating you, but who else to talk to other than a board of anonymous people? I'm not trying to be purposefully annoying or redundant. I'm sincerely trying to work things out.

Perhaps someone at AA could provide me an ah-ha moment when it'll click and I'll give my fantasy up.

As you said (but don't recommend), I could simply make an appointment and find out for real, but if it's a "no" then .... I don't think I could handle it in a way.

But now that you're spelling it out to me the consequences of it being a "yes" well, like you said I'm just delaying feeling like crap for a year or two and may very well be worse off.

Maybe I should just tell my psychiatrist that I'm experiencing transference (without going into major details) and would he know of a female gp who's accepting patients. But I'm afraid to do that.


Again, sorry for bugging you and having you frustrated ...

It's hard, I'm already distracting myself from drinking ... I've been doing really well in that regard.
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:47 PM   #203
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If your doc let anything happen between you, it would be incredibly unethical, and it would show his concern for his self and his own pleasure were more important than your well-being. It would not be healthy in any way, shape, or form. And that isnít even taking into consideration the fact that he is married.
OK - that is really good to hear. I mean, I needed to hear what's in bold. You're the first to say it.

Coming out of abusive relationship I have a problem with allowing myself to be used.

Even the young guy I was involved with wouldn't have been able to have finished his Master's if he weren't with me ... but as I was coming out of a breakdown, I needed someone to live with and cook for and edit papers for or otherwise I'd have been completely lost, if not putting myself in my own harm's way.

You are right, doc would be putting his own needs first ... like all of the men I've been with.

I'm feeling so sad now that I've realized this.

But, thank you...
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Old 16th January 2018, 2:38 AM   #204
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I don’t have time to reply in depth right now, but...

I am frustrated just because I think you are a smart, aware, sensitive, interesting woman, and I think you are sabotaging yourself with obsessing about this impossible situation with this guy. It’s been so long. But you don’t need to apologize for it! If posting on here helps...post away! Maybe you have something you need to work through or whatever. I just think it’s an impossible situation and I selfishly want you to move on and leave this behind you and move on to something better and more fulfilling for you. I feel like this is holding you back. But I’m not an expert or anything

Last edited by Veronica73; 16th January 2018 at 2:50 AM..
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Old 16th January 2018, 8:24 AM   #205
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@Veronica

Thanks so much.

What it comes down to I know I could be doing better in general, in life.

And I think I deserve better, but I'm having trouble feeling it!

Your words have shone a light on my situation and I thank you.

For now, I will convert my feelings into poetry or poetic prose. I might as well try to gain something fruitful from this lop-sided situation before I pierce the bubble and tell my psychiatrist or whatever ....

Thanks again ... you've raised my bar.
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Old 17th January 2018, 7:50 PM   #206
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I’m glad I could be of some help

Please keep us updated on how you are doing.

In some ways you remind me of myself... maybe I need to take heed of some of the advice I have doled out to you

Last edited by Veronica73; 17th January 2018 at 8:01 PM.. Reason: I like the idea of using/exploring your experience with poetry/writing/art. As long as it doesn’t lead to more obsession!
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Old 4th March 2018, 1:09 PM   #207
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@Veronica

Thank you so much! I'm really flattered that I remind you of you, in some ways, as you seem to have "it" so together.

As for me, my biological father died, I recovered from a bad head cold (without need for a doc!) and I've been pretty busy with work and finding new clients, plus writing a short screenplay.

That being said, I still think of doc, but not so intensely anymore ... the longer I stay away from him the better it is, I think. Although, I haven't told my psychiatrist about the crush, it does help to visit someone on occasion who has clearer professional boundaries ... but he's still a man and 9/10 he glances at my boobs (even though I don't wear anything provocative when I'm there) ... so I wish I had women doctors, really.

I have a hankering for the opposite sex ... but when I look back on my life, it's been women who've helped me the most.

So I really find women to be so strong and I've been lucky to have some kind, intelligent ones on my path.

P.S. I'm still not drinking!
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