confusingme Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 It's been one week since my OM's wife found it out. (Well my friend told his wife everything if you have read my other thread) On the 3rd day after his wife found out, I called him, he told me that his wife was gonna take him to a marriage counselor. He cannot bare to lose his two sons. We've cut off contacts since then, but we both still want to be together. So is there anybody here have gone through marriage counselling/couple counselling/therapy ? Please tell me more about how counselling works ? I have read some online about it and it seems like the counselor/therapist would ask a lot of questions to figure what the root of the problems are in the marriage/relationship. But the results could be bipolar, depends on the counselor, a good one would fix the problem, a bad one would add more frustrations...etc... I want to know when I can or he will call me again ? Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 (edited) The first Thing the marriage counselor will stress is that YOU are totally out of the picture before they begin any type of relationship work. Next thing they usually do is have the couple tell the "story of us" and now they met and how they got to this point. They will try to help identify reasons the marriage became prone to an affair and then they will help the couple work through those issues and understand them. Why do you still want to be in this? If he wanted to really be with you then he wouldn't do marriage counseling. His wife is not "taking him" or forcing him to go. He has a choice. And you are most likely being lied to. He actually said "I can't bear to lose my sons"....this means you will not ever be together unless you are satisfied with a life of being a mistress. Don't you want a real relationship? You are worth more than this! Edited October 16, 2016 by aileD 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 It's been one week since my OM's wife found it out. (Well my friend told his wife everything if you have read my other thread) On the 3rd day after his wife found out, I called him, he told me that his wife was gonna take him to a marriage counselor. He cannot bare to lose his two sons. We've cut off contacts since then, but we both still want to be together. So is there anybody here have gone through marriage counselling/couple counselling/therapy ? Please tell me more about how counselling works ? I have read some online about it and it seems like the counselor/therapist would ask a lot of questions to figure what the root of the problems are in the marriage/relationship. But the results could be bipolar, depends on the counselor, a good one would fix the problem, a bad one would add more frustrations...etc... I want to know when I can or he will call me again ? I know a lot of couples who went through MC. They all got divorced or are still miserable. My own therapist said it was a waste of money. I went through it with my ex, we got divorced. xmm went through it to appease his wife and lied in it, said whatever she wanted to hear. I'm sure he will call you again once his wife feels false security, the point of MC. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 If he is going to marriage counselling to save his marriage as he doesn't want to leave his children, and wants to stay married, then you need to stay out of it. It is in fact over as far as you are concerned. It was merely a 2 month fling, he told you at the start it was not serious and it was just passion and sex, so give him and his wife and their kids a chance here. Leave him alone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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