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Is my GF having an affair with this older married man?


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I was using my GF's phone & a text message from older married friend popped up, (he's about 40 & she is 25)... She was bragging to him about her great grades this semester and then he goes on to say "that's great, I would give you something but don't want to upset your boyfriend"...

 

She continued to say "my boyfriend has nothing to do with this, what would you like to give me?"

 

He said "yes, he does but I'm not going to tell you. You need to be patient. I'll give it to you because you need it".

 

Am I wrong for being suspicious? And should I mention it to her?

 

Seems like this guy is up to no good & my girlfriend is curious of his intentions

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Fleur de cactus

This doeS not sound right . Your gf is encouraging the other man to give her a gift despite the fact he Already knows it is rwong and you may be mad. This not a innocent relationship. Your girlfriend is seeking attention from the other man. You should ask her what is goin on.

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I doubt she's having an Affair. Yet. Sounds like he might be interested and sounds like she's enjoying the attention.

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I'm not sure if that's meant to be innuendo or not.

 

Scenario 1. It is and she's sleeping with him.

 

Scenario 2. "my boyfriend has nothing to do with this" was meant to shut him down. As in she has no interest in him romantically and therefore gifts from him would have nothing to do with you and would never be any reason for you to be mad.

 

Scenario 3. "my boyfriend has nothing to do with this" was meant as an encouragement. As in what she does when you're not around is her business.

 

Based on his reply, where he feels the need to spell it out that it does have something to do with you, I actually think it's likely scenario 2. To me, it reads like he's a bit of a creepier she's trying to politely keep at bay. Could be #3 though. Hard to tell for sure without more context.

 

Talk to her about it. Don't get mad or make accusations. See how she responds.

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You can be assured that if you say something it will stop, at least on any device that you have access to. Or all of a sudden her phone will be locked.

 

If you are not suspiscious about what you just posted, you better get suspicious. The big question is

(1) how often can you discreetly access her phone?/

(2) how often does she see this guy. If he works with her, you better figure this out because I do not know anyone who could read that and not think that it is headed in a direction you are not going to like.

 

Don't get caught up in this guilt trip of feeling you should not have seen it. You did, and now do not bury your head in the sand.

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Ask her about it, without judgment, and see what she has to say. My guess is that she has started to get feelings for the guy brought on by his attention. If you make it clear that your relationship is at stake of she continues this flirtation, then it will likely stop. If it doesn't stop, you should get out of the relationship.

 

Regardless, I think your relationship needs some close attention and deep conversations about whether needs are being met on both ends. I think that mild flirtations here and there can be ok depending on the individuals in the relationship, but when it has progressed to texts where she encourages gift-giving behind your back... That's beyond mild to me.

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Id quietly, carefully pay attention.

When you feel certain the gift was given...ask to see it.

I see 2 things here... Him grooming her and him trying to figure out her boundaries in respect to her interaction with him as it pertains to you.

Her answer...not good.

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