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Lame email from ex mm


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Just said 'hope you're well' in the subject line. No text in the body. Nothing else. How pointless. How patronizing. Who is he to wish me anything? How i am is not his business. I wanted to say just leave me the f alone. But I didn't. Just deleted. So disappointed that he is that kind of mm. I don't know if the attack in France made him want to reach out or if he was testing the water by my response on whether to call for my birthday coming up. I hate that I'm anxious thinking what I would say/do if he does. (No caller id on work phone. Can't just not answer). Should I just hang up?

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Most of the time when the xMM does that kind of thing, he's trying to re-establish the relationship. I don't know your history with him, if things ended badly or what, but I wouldn't get too worked about it. If you actually live in France, then his message makes more sense. The truth is, he probably still cares about you and, at the very least, he wanted you to know that.

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Is it that bad? I don't know the history. Maybe you reading too much into it? He could well really do have concerns for your well being. He shouldn't do it but sometimes, guilt, care, or concern, makes people reach out. You know him better but on face value, just ignore it and don't read too much hate into it.

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Just said 'hope you're well' in the subject line. No text in the body. Nothing else. How pointless. How patronizing. Who is he to wish me anything? How i am is not his business. I wanted to say just leave me the f alone. But I didn't. Just deleted. So disappointed that he is that kind of mm. I don't know if the attack in France made him want to reach out or if he was testing the water by my response on whether to call for my birthday coming up. I hate that I'm anxious thinking what I would say/do if he does. (No caller id on work phone. Can't just not answer). Should I just hang up?

 

I like to refer to those as 'fishing' to see if you will bite back. I find it highly disrespectful for a WS to do this and an AP after NC has been established.

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Its been over 3 months, and it was 3 months very lc before that. I won't read anything into it other than he had a moment. It was about him either way. Either wanting to express a feeling or fishing for a feeling from me. I told him contact hurts my healing. (When i asked for nc) It is disrespectful, to both me and his wife.i hope he can just move on in his marriage.

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He's gotta put in a lot more effort if he wants you than that lame email. Don't get me wrong, he might genuinely care about how you are doing, but the circumstances have not changed. Delete and don't get sucked back into that mess.

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Its been over 3 months, and it was 3 months very lc before that. I won't read anything into it other than he had a moment. It was about him either way. Either wanting to express a feeling or fishing for a feeling from me. I told him contact hurts my healing. (When i asked for nc) It is disrespectful, to both me and his wife.i hope he can just move on in his marriage.

 

It sure does hurt your healing. Every time he does this it sets you back a step or two. It sucks I know when you put this work into yourself and then have to be reminded again.

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If you don't want an email, then block him. He may have just meant exactly what he said and that he hope you're well.

 

Did he promise NC? I don't see it disrespectful to anyone. Doesn't mean he wants to start things up. Take it for face value.

 

Non issue.

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If you don't want an email, then block him. He may have just meant exactly what he said and that he hope you're well.

 

Did he promise NC? I don't see it disrespectful to anyone. Doesn't mean he wants to start things up. Take it for face value.

 

Non issue.

 

When somebody asks you not to do something because it causes them emotional pain and you do it anyway you don't think that's disrespectful?

 

If his wife was privy to all the facts and knew he still felt the need to be in touch, you don't think its disrespectful to her or their marriage?

 

Not being snarky, I would like to know your counter argument as I had another thread started about whether any contact at all was appropriate or not. Majority said not.

 

I will be blocking. It doesn't matter if he meant it at face value. The fact is there's no need for him to be in touch with me. There is no "just friends" or "just saying hello" after an affair that's kept secret.

Edited by norudder
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Just said 'hope you're well' in the subject line. No text in the body. Nothing else. How pointless. How patronizing. Who is he to wish me anything? How i am is not his business. I wanted to say just leave me the f alone. But I didn't. Just deleted. So disappointed that he is that kind of mm. I don't know if the attack in France made him want to reach out or if he was testing the water by my response on whether to call for my birthday coming up. I hate that I'm anxious thinking what I would say/do if he does. (No caller id on work phone. Can't just not answer). Should I just hang up?

 

Ignore. He's fishing. And now it's time to block his email address and block him from your phone that way you don't see anything from him. Look at the affect it's having on you now! And, you don't have to answer unknown calls, if it's someone you know and is in your life, they'll leave a message or call back another time. BLOCK HIM.

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I think some xap's would give anything to hear from xmm and you dont happen to be one of those ones as youve moved on and detached.

Many mw break contact. To reach mm too.

Its a 'love' that's difficult to let go of and he stumbled.

I agree he has NO right to wish you well but xap's of both sexes are weak and he was selfish to reach you but may not have meant harm. May have hoped youd ease his guilt.

 

He caved, I feel for you to be set back...I feel for him as he tried and failed to get you to stumble too. The whole thing after every affair ends is the jagged confusing and painful parting and no easy or painfree way to end it.

Edited by privategal
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I think some xap's would give anything to hear from xmm and you dont happen to be one of those ones as youve moved on and detached.

Many mw break contact. To reach mm too.

Its a 'love' that's difficult to let go of and he stumbled.

I agree he has NO right to wish you well but xap's of both sexes are weak and he was selfish to reach you but may not have meant harm. May have hoped youd ease his guilt.

 

He caved, I feel for you to be set back...I feel for him as he tried and failed to get you to stumble too. The whole thing after every affair ends is the jagged confusing and painful parting and no easy or painfree way to end it.

 

Many of times it's not coming from a place of love. It's ego based, fishing for reaction, selfishness and disrespecting the person who wants NC.

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Don't forget you signed on to this with a married man. Neither one of you knew when to quit back then. You read too much into the promise and wrong doing when all along, it was part of the affair. Do yourself a favor and free yourself with thoughts and just ignore any meaning or intention. The whole A is about disrespect all over anyway. Believe me, I have thoughts of reaching out to see if OW is ok with no selfish thought or intention. The French attack could have pushed him over. Anyway who cares right?

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I was doing so well with NC too. There was a little trigger I struggled with but gritted my teeth and got through it. I was feeling good, normal, close to happy even. Ex's seem to have a sixth sense it seems. I had been invited on a great all day date with a guy I was interested the day I got exmm's email. I still went and had a great time but he was in the back of my mind when I wish he hadnt been. Still so much better than where I was 3 months ago. I figured out how to block in gmail tonight. Thank you everyone.

 

Dylon, obviously I still care more than I should or I wouldnt have been spun up enough to write on LS but yes, 'who cares' is the attitude to have. I appreciate your struggle with wanting to contact your exow.

 

Whats the difference between a non-selfish intention and a selfish act? What is the litmus test we can use to determine selfishness?

I saw someone post their definition of love is the commitment to the well being of another. I think if we really loved the other person, and are thinking about contacting them, is that contact really in their best interest or not? That's the catch 22 of an affair. An affair is not in the best interest of anyone's well being. I think that's why alot of affairs have the timeframe they do, its when most relationships transition into a more mature love, and we finally start to take the glasses off a little bit. If we really love the person, we have to end it. It ends and transitions to an open R or it just ends.

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When somebody asks you not to do something because it causes them emotional pain and you do it anyway you don't think that's disrespectful?

 

If his wife was privy to all the facts and knew he still felt the need to be in touch, you don't think its disrespectful to her or their marriage?

 

Not being snarky, I would like to know your counter argument as I had another thread started about whether any contact at all was appropriate or not. Majority said not.

 

I will be blocking. It doesn't matter if he meant it at face value. The fact is there's no need for him to be in touch with me. There is no "just friends" or "just saying hello" after an affair that's kept secret.

 

Maybe your seeing something that I missed. How do we know she is married, and how do we know that she told him not to contact or if he know that is will cause emotional pain. And yes, exs, past AP can and do keep in touch without problems at times.

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He probably had a moment of weakness.

 

I know it has shaken you up a bit but you need to get over it. He didn't say anything else so just take is as his mistake. I don't think he is disrepecting you at all.

 

He might be missing you like hell but that's not a reason for you to get involved again. If he wanted you badly enough, he would have made the effort to be with you right now.

 

Poppy.

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Man, I thought the emails I was getting were ridiculous and selfish! I can't even with this one that you received!! Literally nothing there to even read into. How little effort these men put in is astonishing. There is so much nothingness in this non-email. Wow.

 

On another note, you sound like you are in a great place. I wish you all the best, and hope that some of us who are still trying to get where you are make it there soon!

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He probably had a moment of weakness.

 

I know it has shaken you up a bit but you need to get over it. He didn't say anything else so just take is as his mistake. I don't think he is disrepecting you at all.

 

He might be missing you like hell but that's not a reason for you to get involved again. If he wanted you badly enough, he would have made the effort to be with you right now.

 

Poppy.

 

Right!? Zero effort. Even with an email. So lazy. Crumbs. I don't like down talking but maybe dumb and crumb rhyme for a reason.

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Man, I thought the emails I was getting were ridiculous and selfish! I can't even with this one that you received!! Literally nothing there to even read into. How little effort these men put in is astonishing. There is so much nothingness in this non-email. Wow.

 

On another note, you sound like you are in a great place. I wish you all the best, and hope that some of us who are still trying to get where you are make it there soon!

 

I'm kind of glad there wasn't more to it. I would've overanalyzed even more. But yes, just selfish. I undertand it. I can forgive it. I can also forget it.

 

Thank you, I have been in some dark and ugly frames of mind at times. I'm not proud of some of it but I'm not ashamed anymore. Finally getting more whole each day. You will too. NC is all I can say.

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That was an EXTREME litmus test...in other words...if you didn't reply he didn't stick his neck out too much...bare minimum effort but just enough crumbs in case you were desperate!!! I kinda feel bad for him, the little effort was so transparent and he doesn't know youve got an army of LS behind you in case you feel weak!! Keep going!! Your not taking the bait!!

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