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Why does a work colleague look at me?


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So I'm not sure about this woman at work, we talk infrequently at work for the last couple of years. She initiated it way back but we didn't click that well. Even so I found her very attractive and developed a crush, I found out she was in a long term relationship for 10 years. The last time I asked about her relationship was maybe a year ago.

 

More recently than that I've overheard her complaining about her partner at work.

 

These days every time I turn around she seems to be looking at me. We've been looking at each other for years and she probably thinks I'm a creep but I'm SURE I've caught her looking when she thought I wasn't, when I was facing the other way, a whole bunch of times now. Lately it's been at least a couple of times a week.

 

When I catch her she has wide eyes but a blank expression. If I greet her she gives me an eyebrow flash every time. She walks through the door to the ladies room backwards, my desk is opposite, if I hear that door go a certain way, I'll turn around and we make eye contact. I never accidentally make eye contact with another lady, because they go in the normal way facing forward. Only once has she looked at me and actually smiled as well, when I made someone else in the room laugh.

 

So at our office party I made another attempt to chat. She was polite, she brought me a (free) drink as she was going to the bar and I asked her to bring me one. But no meaningful conversation, just fluff, she told me I ask too many questions, then she walks away. She seems to have little patience for my attempts to get to know her better. There have been conversions where we really clicked, but not many in 2 years.

 

So all this eye contact is really playing on my desire to know her better and my fears and insecurities that she doesn't want to know me.

 

It's not only when I turn around, she'll look at me when passing my desk every now and then, or if she chats to her colleague opposite me she'll give me a quick glance first. When I sit with him on the other side of the table I've caught her looking at my seat where I usually am, and then directly at me.

 

I don't have her number or any good opportunities to talk privately. I'm not going to see her at all for a month while we both take our separate summer holidays.

 

If I could just find out why she's looking at me, it would be a huge weight off my mind. I don't have any reason to believe she hates me, and no real reason to believe she likes me either. I'm going insane wondering why we can't stop this game.

 

I have no one so why can't she be the strong one who makes the effort to stop looking? I know one of us has to break the cycle. Is there a chance she actually wants me? She would only have to say so.

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As a woman, i wouldn t look at a man for so long if i dislike/didn t like him him.

find out if she s still in a relationship.

so far she s stopped your attempts to get to know her better.

my guess she s not really interested in something more, maybe she just likes the attention. maybe it s obvious that u like her so she likes it

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My gut says she simply likes the attention or the games. Wiek is boring and taxing so its maybe just an innocent diversion. Even if she was single..dating in the office becomes a nightmare for so many.

She also seems a bit rude for the too many questions and walking off. Ever wonder why her boyfriend of 10 years didnt ask for her hand in marriage?

Shes likely difficult.

Either way.. Ever go on a diet?

It takes willpower right?

Consider an eye contact diet. YOU be the strong one.

Just practice looking at your pc and work and tuning her out. Shes made zero attempt to even be just a badic polite colleague even attempting polite small talk.

She doesn't deserve the attention and thought.

Block her out then use vacatiin to let the interest fade and maybe expand your social circle outside of work!!! Do it. Shes NOT worth it.

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I've told myself several times that tomorrow at work I'm going to walk right past and ignore her but I usually fail. I've been on the dating sites to try and find someone else but I had NO luck and had to quit recently because it was bringing me down.

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maybe it s obvious that u like her so she likes it

 

Yeah, I'm sure she knows I like her. I'm sure it's obvious to everyone.

 

Can you elaborate on this? What's fun about looking at a guy you don't want?

 

Wouldn't she be terrified of sending the wrong signal? Surely she knows I'll be looking for any excuse to get closer to her? Why would she take the risk?

 

I just don't understand what she gets out of this. I get a vague hope of going on my first date in like 8 years. That would be pretty important to me.

 

Maybe it's genuinely my fault and she won't stop until I do?

 

Is there anything positive I can take from this? Maybe I'm good looking? Although I certainly don't feel good looking when all the girls on dating sites and tinder are ignoring me. In real life other girls have shown interest, but something like this always goes wrong.

 

I know there must be a more compatible girl for me somewhere, but I don't seem to have the mental strength to let go of this one. Weird. How do I convince myself to properly accept it?

Edited by moppi
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