sisa Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 If MM still love his wife, will him divorce? MM is divorcing now, his wife tell him he can return if leave me. I think MM want stay with me so that's why he accept divorce. how to company him during this time, he lose a lot smile and easy feel depress these days. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 If MM still love his wife, will him divorce? MM is divorcing now, his wife tell him he can return if leave me. I think MM want stay with me so that's why he accept divorce. how to company him during this time, he lose a lot smile and easy feel depress these days. Sisa, Sorry to say, but I think even if he divorces, no matter what, you'll always be in a position of second-guessing his feelings for you or scared he'll go back to his wife. I'm sorry. None of what you've said about this relationship sounds promising. It always seems like you don't know how he really feels or what's really going on and that you're desperately grasping at anything to keep him: giving him hundreds of thousands to buy a home for his wife, wanting to be a sister wife with her, and all kinds of other odd things that just seem like you're desperate to have him around at all cost, no matter what. Yet, you don't seem to have any peace at the end of the day. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 What has changed- he has been in the almost, kinda, getting ready to think about thinking about getting divorced for a long time now- I thought in your last post he had the papers- has something new happened that gives you hope? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 he send her divorce lawyer the letters, three times back and forth now, he wrote he accept the divorce. Now they are talking about how much he need to provide her after divorce, besides that she want a house, but he cannot afford now and this make him stress, he also find a lawyer for himself just this week. He also make a decision to let his kids stay with mother now instead live with him in another city, which is hard decision for him, he said now it's too early to let kids know they are divorce and he have another woman, when things more stable he want to let the kids live with us. He told his parents about his devorce decision, I think this is a big step for him too. I got some offers in his city. He told me the divorce things will be finish next month, and after that we plan to live together so now is seeing some place there. I know he want to have real life with me, otherwise will not do this, everything is not final yet, and he is uneasy, I just wish I can have some advice to deal with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Sisa, what part are you wanting advice on? We can't predict the future so have no way of knowing how he will feel and does feel so any suggestions in that arena are just speculation and guessing. To be honest I have absolutely no idea how to move on in a relationship with the other party loves someone else. It doesn't matter, who what, why, where or when that is going to be a huge chasm in any relationship. If my MM told me he still loved his wife I never would have been in the affair with him further let alone been there after the divorce. It is/was a black and white thing to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 he told me he love her, I think it's normal because they did spend many years together and she didn't do anything wrong in our case. I admit I feel jealous when hear this, but I think what important for me is if he love me. I can see that in reality he choose to have life with me, he told me it's not because she is bad, it's just because we are more fit and he feel relax when with me. I know divorce is hard thing, especially when the spouse didn't do anything wrong. Just want to know how to company him during this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Amazingly, somebody wrote a book about this. (Never read it) http://www.amazon.com/How-Survive-Your-Boyfriends-Divorce/dp/0871319225 Link to post Share on other sites
finally43 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 He's letting the kids live with her? Ha! What an ego! Takes a lot for a judge to remove kids from their mother AND he thinks he is gonna be able to move them away from her? He's delusional!! Never ever heard of a divorce, with kids, being over in a month! Why do you believe everything he says??? Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Given the circumstances, he's no doubt feeling incredibly guilty about his children, and also about leaving her. If he still feels fondly toward her, and says that she's done nothing wrong - it's just his preference really, to be with you - then he will be feeling like a real jerk for putting her and the children through all this turmoil and pain and upheaval all because of what he wants for himself. So - that means you will have to ride his guilt and his feelings like waves. He's going to have some very bad days when he feels like a very bad person for what he's doing. It will come back on you, even if he doesn't intend it. You ahve to be very forgiving now, and frankly, not very demanding. Understand how hard it is for him to do this to his family, and stand back and dela with your own feelings on your own. Even though he wants to go, he's going to grieve the end of htat family. He's goign to feel like a jerk sometimes. He's going to be under a LOT of financial pressure to provide. He will no doubt cave in to those pressures and his guilt and he will put the children and her first. Right now that might make sense to you, but down the line, when it's all said and done, you may be tempted to be jealous or resentful of all that he's giving to his former family - his past- and what you two are lacking in the present and future because of it. But you must deal with those feelings on your own. You are part of the breakup of a family, and you should be generous and responsible and respectful of the pain that's being caused in him and his wife and kids and keep yourself own feelings to yourself. Talk to your girlfriends, but don't express your frustration and fears and so on to him. Think of it as a kindness you are doing for him, this many you love who is going through a very difficult time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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