daydreamer0830 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I have not posted here in a very long time. The gist of my story is that I had a 5 year R with a colleague. We had a disastrous Dday but continued to work together. What is amazing is that we have managed to be NC for 4 years, not speaking, not looking at each other, and avoiding each other like the plague. It was incredibly tough at the beginning but after a year just became the norm. I could handle it well despite the fact that he works just down the hallway. A couple of weeks ago we walked past each other and he suddenly stopped and said something to me. It was a comment about one of my family members passing (6 months ago!), but I thanked him and kept on moving. This week he has started cropping up everywhere. We were put in a situation where we had to speak to each other for work this week. We did so politely, and I thought that was it. But he came back later and asked if there was anything he could do for me....he did not need to do this. Since then he keeps cropping up, walking past my office, hanging in the hallway when I walk past. It has really unnerved me. I don't know if I'm reading anything into this or if I should be on my guard. I feel like I've been thrown into a flight/fight situation. Surely after 4 years he can't be playing his old tricks? This is scaring me because it suddenly feels like he's changing the rules. Can anyone help? Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Your only other post ... From January last year. I'm confused I'm so happy to have found this site. To give you a little history, I am in an A with a MM which has been going (slowly) for the last 8 months. I have really held back on my feelings and letting him get close to me because I knew that I would fall for him big time. He is pretty high profile and travels frequently for work. He is also very involved with his children, all of whom have medical disorders. We manage to see each other every couple of weeks, sometimes just for lunch/coffee, other times for more. We don't discuss our marriages or spouses. My gut tells me that he is a very decent man (apart from the obvious!) and is honest with me. Last month he opened up to me and told me that he'd fallen for me more than he ever believed possible. I don't know why, but this has really unsettled me. I guess the dynamic has changed and now this whole emotional element has been added to something that I felt I had control over. It sounds silly, but now for the first time, I'm wondering if he's manipulating me. We text every few days, never chat on phone but I was OK with this as it helped me keep my emotions in check. Now I'm beginning to wonder if he's using me as a booty call. Has anybody been through something similar or have insight as to why I'm feeling like this? I'd be so grateful for feedback. Thanks! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I have not posted here in a very long time. The gist of my story is that I had a 5 year R with a colleague. We had a disastrous Dday but continued to work together. What is amazing is that we have managed to be NC for 4 years, not speaking, not looking at each other, and avoiding each other like the plague. It was incredibly tough at the beginning but after a year just became the norm. I could handle it well despite the fact that he works just down the hallway. A couple of weeks ago we walked past each other and he suddenly stopped and said something to me. It was a comment about one of my family members passing (6 months ago!), but I thanked him and kept on moving. This week he has started cropping up everywhere. We were put in a situation where we had to speak to each other for work this week. We did so politely, and I thought that was it. But he came back later and asked if there was anything he could do for me....he did not need to do this. Since then he keeps cropping up, walking past my office, hanging in the hallway when I walk past. It has really unnerved me. I don't know if I'm reading anything into this or if I should be on my guard. I feel like I've been thrown into a flight/fight situation. Surely after 4 years he can't be playing his old tricks? This is scaring me because it suddenly feels like he's changing the rules. Can anyone help? Set up your boundaries asap!! He used that passing of your family member as an opportunity to try to open the door a crack. Slam it shut and just tell him (next time he wants to make small chat with you) that you two are NOT friends and you have no interest in talking to him at all. Stand up and draw your line in the sand. Otherwise he's gonna push and try to get more from you. You owe him NOTHING! FOUR years and now he's acting like your buddy. Screw that, tell him to keep it professional and not to talk to you on a personal level. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I'm confused too...is the MM at work the same MM from your previous post? Link to post Share on other sites
Author daydreamer0830 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 No the other post was about someone else. I realized that it was a rebound from the ex MM & we ended it very amicably. He's an extraordinarily good guy, just trapped in a sad marriage. The whole experience made me see that I don't want any of this in my life. The stress & see-sawing of emotions are too intense. This is why this week has scared me so. I am a shaking idiot after any interaction. It brings back too many memories. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Are you married as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author daydreamer0830 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 Yes, I am married. We've been together a long time (20 plus years) & had some rough times. However, if we're going to continue together then we need to do it right. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 I have not posted here in a very long time. The gist of my story is that I had a 5 year R with a colleague. We had a disastrous Dday but continued to work together. What is amazing is that we have managed to be NC for 4 years, not speaking, not looking at each other, and avoiding each other like the plague. It was incredibly tough at the beginning but after a year just became the norm. I could handle it well despite the fact that he works just down the hallway. A couple of weeks ago we walked past each other and he suddenly stopped and said something to me. It was a comment about one of my family members passing (6 months ago!), but I thanked him and kept on moving. This week he has started cropping up everywhere. We were put in a situation where we had to speak to each other for work this week. We did so politely, and I thought that was it. But he came back later and asked if there was anything he could do for me....he did not need to do this. Since then he keeps cropping up, walking past my office, hanging in the hallway when I walk past. It has really unnerved me. I don't know if I'm reading anything into this or if I should be on my guard. I feel like I've been thrown into a flight/fight situation. Surely after 4 years he can't be playing his old tricks? This is scaring me because it suddenly feels like he's changing the rules. Can anyone help? Just do nothing. Nothing at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Time to affair proof yourself and your marriage. Go to counseling on your own and marriage counseling with your husband. Remember why you married him in the first place. Having an rebound affair after the other one ended while you're still married, respectfully said here, is kind of messed up. Focus your energy on those who are true to you and care about you. Did your H ever know of your affair? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Concentrate on your marriage. Ignore the MM, because you don't need to go down that road again. Nothing good can come of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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