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" Not me, my relationship is different"


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I haven't posted in a little while. However, Christmas sort of ..well is sucked. It was a constant reminder of what our "plans" were last year. It was a day of being deeply joyed of how my kids enjoyed Christmas with an underlying fog of grief..that would sneak up on me in the strangest moments. Leaving me running to the bathroom with my makeup case in hand..praying my new anti red mark makeup will prove to be an asset to me. Last year I remember Merry Christmas. The " next year will be our first Christmas together." Naïve I was. But I was very much in love.

 

 

I remember reading all the post on here. They were so hard to read!! I mean I could barely get through one of them before logging off and moving on with my day. Why? because it made me face the truth. That all these stories are mine. Well not literally mine but they were the same present wrapped in different paper.

 

 

It still is hard to read some of the questions...read some of the stories. They re open a wound. They remind me of how I felt my relationship was different. It was real love in my mind. And it was real love, at least on my part. Our stories are a reminder to everyone else how their situation is just a story...nothing real or of substance will ever come out of them. And if allowed will just be a huge circle of the same thing.

 

 

I know someday it wont hurt anymore. I know someday the I wont feel so stupid. The guilt will fade. What is the saying? " You know you are over something if you can talk about it without shedding a single tear."

Well I'm not there yet. But I know someday I will be:) How was your Christmas ?

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I am fairly new to the boards, but I have to say they have been a life-saver for me at times. I hate reading of others pain and hurt like yours,,but at least know that you are not alone in this!! I know exactly how it feels having to mask your pain so that you can keep up a cheerful facade for everyone around you. Meanwhile you look in the mirror and see nothing but a numb and hurting spirit inside. I am finding though that if I allow myself, that faking the happiness can actually make me feel happier!

 

Know that the pain you are feeling now is being empathized with many others, and I believe we are all somehow lifting each other up in spirit, and helping one another through this painful -BUT ENDING- journey! And I believe we ARE becoming stronger and BETTER people because of this!!

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I know this sounds trite and simplistic, but it's important not to let the past spoil the present. I just won't allow any person in my past, or in my present, to rob me of my happiness. If you can't be happy with someone, you just have to be happy without them.

 

Life is too short to be lived in a state of misery.

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I felt the same way last year and this year was soooo hard. I thought I was different, our love was different... What a wake up call... I still am pretty devastated by the whole thing. I'm finding keeping busy is the best, going out with friends and family. Even though they don't know it takes my mind off of it.

This site has truly helped me feel not alone. There is nothing worse than going through a pain that you can't talk about. I feel for you...you are not alone.....

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