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Does a Wife know when her husband is cheating?


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Have any of your woman had a husband who cheated on you? Did you instincts tell you something was up? Any of you have a good physical relationship with your husband, and he still cheated on you?

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I think that many women can sense with something isn't quite right with their husband or their relationship.

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Do you think anyone can be a perfect lier. Can cover up an affair for three years, without making any mistakes?

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Originally posted by Shiraz

Do you think anyone can be a perfect lier. Can cover up an affair for three years, without making any mistakes?

 

Yes. There are pathological liars out there and they are so SICK in the head that they actually start to believe their own lies.

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Do you think anyone can be a perfect lier. Can cover up an affair for three years, without making any mistakes?

 

Three years is a long time to cover up an affair and not make any mistakes or give any indication that one is having an affair. Can I say for a fact that it can't be done? No, but I'm dubious that it can be. Common sense tells me that something would be amiss. There'd be some sign in those three years - something that just wasn't quite right. If a woman wanted to overlook it, it might be enough to enable her to convince herself there wasn't anything happening. But it'd still be there.

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bluechocolate
Originally posted by Shiraz

Do you think anyone can be a perfect lier. Can cover up an affair for three years, without making any mistakes?

 

No one can be perfect at anything. Part of the human condition is that we make mistakes - even liars.

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Your so right. I know my personality type, I would blow up and confront, but I guess not everyone is like that.

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Well, I'm not a married WOMAN, but I might be able to give you some insight. My wife had an emotional affair about six months ago. I noticed the changes in her almost immediately. As she invested more and more emotionally in him, she dropped correspondingly with me. She became distant, distracted, the only time she appeared happy was when she was on her computer (the vast majority of their communication was via the internet). She began doing less and less around the house, and even the kids could tell that there was something seriously wrong. Now, in her case, it was never physical, as he lived on the other side of the US. And again, I was able to see it in the beginning stages.

 

My thought is that if he's managed to do this for 3 years, then one of a couple things have happened.

 

1. He began with you during a down time in their marriage, and his wife learned to accept the lessened amount of love, support, etc from him, and that has been going on for so long now that it feels "normal".

 

2. His wife may have suspected or suspects, but has decided to "bury her head in the sand". You would be amazed at how far us BS's will go to avoid beleiving that the one we love is cheating on us. Trust me.

 

3. He has so compartmentalized his life that he can successfully feel like you're NOT part of his life when he's with his family...just as he does when he's with you. You don't feel like his wife is normally part of his life when he is with you...and that box of candy you mentioned was something of a rude awakening to you that she is part of his life.

 

4. Or, sadly, it really could be that he hasn't invested in you emotionally enough for it to impact his marriage. I'm not there, so I dont' know that this is the case.

 

I don't agree with what you're doing, and honestly the impacts that this will have on his kids and his marriage are something that neither of you have given a care for up to this point, and I find that rather sad. BUT, I can understand needing someone...which is why my wife and I are STILL together, and working to make it through what we've gone through. Regardless of anything, I wish you good luck in your life.

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I appreciate your words very much. Hearing it from a man to is different.

 

I'm not proud of what I am doing. It's something I would have never seeing myself doing. But... it is happening.

 

Thanks for your thoughts. All the best to you and your family. I respect your strength

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blue, you're right. eventually they slip up. my ex lied about almost everything but he did "honestly" believe his own lies. at first i teased him about how he had his own versionof reality that no one else could enter, it was kind of cute that he lived in his own little world. but... 10 years and 2 kids and a lot of responsibility later, it wasn't so cute anymore. it was a major pain in the butt because it made him unreliable. did he cheat and lie about it? he'll never admit it but hmmmmm he's marrying someone next year that he'd been talking about for years!!! so.... did i ever suspect anything? in some ways yes, but for me because i wanted out anyway, i didn't care. he could have been having 10 affairs and it really wouldn't have mattered except that his getting caught would have made it easier for me to make the decision that it was over and i'd had enough!!!

 

but the calls on the cell phone, the minimizing of the email screens if i walked into the room, "oh i have to meet a student after class" - hmmmm the person he's marrying was one of his students!, all were clues that i just ignored because i didn't care. so were there clues, yeah. did my MM give his W the same clues? yup, he was always emailing me, which i knew she questioned and i know she was checking his cell phone calls so.... and as stupid as it sounds, i think she may have even wondered why he was happier than he'd been in years. i know he told me people at his office wondered why he was always walking around with a smile on his face these days. so i don't know that they can hide things as well as they think they can. and i'm sure there are other women like me out there who see the signs and don't care. and there are no doubt others that see the signs and refuse to believe!

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This is bad, but I use to wish my husband had a girlfriend, so he would stay away from me. I use to go to bed before him, I would lie across the bed, so he wouldn't come up, he'd stay on the couch. Pretty bad eh!

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shiraz, may be bad what you wished but oh boy did i wish for the same things! funny i've heard so, so many women actually say that but i do wonder how many really feel that way in the end.

 

i've heard a friend of mine who's tired of her husband "bothering" her at night make that statement. funny thing is, i know her H had a brief affair, but i don't think she'd be quite as accepting as her statement would lead anyone to believe. and i think it's a trap many women fall into and in many ways yes, i had those thoughts that if i just pushed my H far enough way that he'd turn to someone else and i could walk a way without any guilt! and yes, that's bad. i should have just had the courage to walk out the door on my own. i evetually did, but stayed longer than i should have.

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Stayed longer than you should have, and more damage is done. Correct? I agree. I stayed longer, and now the heeling is taking forever. I wish when marriages go wrong, people could jsut sit down, talk about it, and all problems are solved. Maybe I have a bit of your husband in me izzy, a world of my own. LOL

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i hope you don't have a little bit of my exH in you :D...although i think we all have our own private little worlds. and those of us who have been OW are maybe a little more used to living in that "fantasy" world! :) or at least i know that's what some would say!

 

i stayed for the kids, to some extent until it became clear that my staying was doing me and the kids more damage than my leaving would have ever done. and yes, lots of damage, and longer to heal!

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Originally posted by Shiraz

Have any of your woman had a husband who cheated on you? Did you instincts tell you something was up? Any of you have a good physical relationship with your husband, and he still cheated on you?

 

I have never been in this position, but I think that a wife can definitely sense when her husband is cheating on her, maybe not all of them but most of them can. Especially if they have been married for a while they already know him real well.

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I've seen a wife go four years without noticing. I wanted to slap her upside the head and say "Duh!". I guess after four years, it becomes his 'norm'. Yeah, and pathological lying is a problem, he begins to believe himself. Even he's got himself fooled.

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This may not be quite the same thing, but I know that my wife wished during the peak of her affair that I'd found someone else...so she could justify leaving me for him. She's not come out and made such a bold statement, but remembering things that were said before the discovery came out, its rather clear now. In my case, she'd been depressed for quite a while, and had stopped taking her meds for it. That made her feel depressed, and unloved. I was trying my hardest to show her that I loved her...in all the wrong ways. When she started the affair, I was very uncomfortable with their friendship...but I didn't want to be overbearing and try to act like I was her "father", so I said nothing. By being hurt, but NOT talking to her about it, and giving her that space to talk with the person I thought (hoped) was just a friend, she took that as distance, and a lack of love on my part.

 

Interestingly enough, even when things were at the worst between us, it never occurred to me to look for someone else. Taking a more permanant way out, yes, but to go to someone else?...no She is still the love of my life...and I know that we're going to make it through this time together...she's happy now, it's really just up to me to heal. Sorry for venting here...

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Originally posted by Shiraz

Have any of your woman had a husband who cheated on you? Did you instincts tell you something was up? Any of you have a good physical relationship with your husband, and he still cheated on you?

 

 

I suspected my husband had someone else because he was distant, bothered by me, he had a short fuse, he always wanted to go to the store by himself, he always wanted to stay up later than me and he was always up and out of bed before me. Sex (when it did happen) was rough like he was angry at me. All the signs were there but I could not figure out when he could be cheating on me unless it was with someone at his work. After six months, and many, many arguments, I discovered her. She was a woman back in his hometown that he dated in high school. She contacted him and they started to communicate via the internet, then they started talking on the phone, then they made plans to get together (thank god that never happened) then they sent each other gifts.

 

It took me four months after i discovered her to unravel the "affair" and everything that happened but now it's over.

 

Bottom line - he didn't think I loved him anymore and I'll admit that he was not a priority. I took him for granted and i believed that he would always be there for me. Man was I wrong. So girls and guys. If you don't want your husband or wife to stray, make sure to let them know that you care.

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT!! If you think that something is wrong - dig around, ask questions and don't give up until you are satisfied that he is telling you the truth.

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You sound like an amzing woman. THakns for sharing your story.

 

I have another question for you, if you don't mind. Would you have like to have been told, that your husband was cheating? At anytime, did you suspect, but deny the thoughts.

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Originally posted by Shiraz

You sound like an amzing woman. THakns for sharing your story.

 

I have another question for you, if you don't mind. Would you have like to have been told, that your husband was cheating? At anytime, did you suspect, but deny the thoughts.

 

 

Thank you for the compliment. Fact is, i knew what I had and I was not going to let it go without a fight.

 

To answer your questions: I would not want to have been told about my husband's affair by anyone but him. It would have been extremely humiliating if someone else told me.

 

I did suspect and I explained it away. I thought he was stressed out (out of work) I thought he was angry at me for not paying enough attention to him. (my mother has dementia and demanded a lot of my attention) Mom is now in an assisted living facility and it was at that point (around the same time he started his "fling" with the OW), I realized that I could devote more attention to my marriage. He was non-receptive. I apologized to him over and over again about hurting him, not making him a priority, while all that time he was deceiving me. After a while, the guilt really got to him. He did not tell me about the OW, i found something in his computer that made me ask him who is (her name)?. He could not deny it any more.

 

Yes I suspected he was having an affair but I didn't want to believe it until the proof was right in my face.

 

I think he was getting tired of her and the attention it took away from me, golf, and everything else.

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I hope you have a wonderful life with your husband ahead of you. I have tears in my eyes. I feel like a heel!

 

God bless you!

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Honey - i didn't mean to make YOU feel bad. Life can be really crazy sometimes. People do foolish things in desperate times.

My husband made a mistake because we weren't communicating, we weren't connected. SHE came along at his weakest, most vulnerable time.

Now, this will be a part of our lives forever. He will spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to me because he truly loves me. He is a remarkable man - not an ordinary man. He was willingly to take responsibility for the wrong he did. There aren't a lot a men who will do that.

 

The reason you are posting on this website is because you know what is right and I believe you have the strength to make things better.

 

God bless you too.

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Speaking from experience: You just feel it - in your heart - in your gut - in your stomach - know what I mean?

 

My husband cheated on me and then tried to cover it up thinking that I didn't know. WELL WELL WELL, little ole me gave him enough rope and he hung himself. :D

 

Toward the end of it all I put a private invesitgator on him to get the evidence documented from an outside party just in case we went to court.

 

Guess what? He left with the clothes on his back and that's it! I got the house, cars, money in bank and most important my baby.

 

Now "Mr. Playboy" as I call him is literally homeless....he lives with whoever he's "banging" at the time and when he's through with her he moves on to the next one. He has no permanent address though.......sad in my opinion.

 

Scars, yes it has left an emotional scar on me and I'm very reluctant to be in a relationship....I'm afraid of getting my heart broken again and I know time heals all wounds so I'm sitting back and waiting for the right one at the right time.

 

Just another point of view.

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And thank your for your point of view. I hope you and your baby are doing well, and I'm sure happiness is just around the corner for you.

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