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Just sending it out because I can't keep it in


Confusion_Reigns

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Confusion_Reigns

I don't know why I'm putting this out there in here...maybe because it's the safest place for me to express it...this is something I'm thinking about sending to Mr. amazing but an scared to right now...thoughts appreciated

 

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Morning :-) maybe ur on the road now...& I'm gonna have to tell u that I'm done with us...I have to be done & it's not easy but it's right...& I need to tell u this now so that ur not running all over the country for no good reason...& also so that u know u don't have to leave ur boys for any reason...that's the timing ... Now for the reasons...I think I let u become a distraction for me to not deal with my messy relationship & that's not right either not for anyone involved...I think the longer this goes on the deeper it'll hurt in the long run...& I'm not afraid of a lil necessary pain but it's dumb to invite unneeded pain into any of our lives...it's gonna hurt anyway but I don't know why I'm doing this...other than I'm being selfish I just wanted to...have something of my own just for me & I just wanted to feel again...feelings that I haven't felt in such a long time...but selfish is something that's not in my nature & I feel bad abt myself who am I? This woman who lies & sneaks around ? No I'm not really this woman & that's not how I want to live my life...& honestly I just can't give u what u want...I'm not that woman either ... So rather than chasing down this fantasy I need to start walking towards reality. I told u my plan abt leaving him & that's not changed but something really weird is happening inside of my...something I never expected & don't understand...it seems the closer I let myself get to u the more scared I'm getting abt actually leaving him...I don't know why...it doesn't make sense to me...& the only thing I can think of is that I was ready to just be alone after I left him...I didn't want another relationship...honestly I wanted to just be alone maybe forever...but I'm getting afraid of not having u in my life & that's a problem for me...

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My head is so confused & so is my heart...today I'm just sad

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todreaminblue

i like your ellipses...:0)

 

 

 

...i dont know if you sent it or not but to me its open ended if you are serious about not seeing him don't contact him again .....ever.....if he tries to contact you just tell him do not contact me again we are over.....its not right...for either of us.or your wife and kids......the end.....if he contacts you again file a restraining order.....deb

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Confusion_Reigns

Sorry I should've gave a bit of detail...I'm married he's not & his boys live in another state with thier mother. After his divorce he moved here by his family & that's when I met him. He's been traveling back & forth...he's on his way back there now taking his boys back home. I haven't sent it & don't know if I will...but I'm also not going to just stop talking to him without some sort of explination.

 

& thank you for your thoughts

Edited by Confusion_Reigns
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Confusion,

I wouldn't send it out yet. When I read your message to him, I see ...confusion :)

I believe you still don't know what you want in regards to this man.

I believe you need to take it by parts and first find out what is really making you unsure about leaving your marriage.

Of course you are falling deeper and deeper for this man, who seems to want to be with you. This message is very mixed up (IMO) and more than an explanation it reads like a cry for help. It may only cause him pain.

Wouldn't a face to face conversation be better?

Hugs

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First thoughts...write like an adult. Use punctuation and correct words, not "u" and "r". Looks like an illiterate person is writing it.

 

Secondly, your message says nothing of any substance. Men don't like all this nonsense. Be direct and say what you mean and mean what you say.

 

Keep it to 2-4 lines.

 

It's over. It's not what I want in life. Goodbye. Do not contact me if you ever cared about me.

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Confusion_Reigns

Lol that you for the nice wooed haha

 

Sorry but I'm typing on my phone I don't normally type like a non-adult but that u for pointing that out to me in my time of confusion & need...means the world to me.

 

I'd say most men like short & simple...most men typical men like my husband. Me amazing is not most typical men so...he likes to actually hear what I have to say which is really nice. Makes me feel like my thoughts have value...all my thoughts...but at be your right.

 

& you know what? I don't really & truly want to stop but feel I have to...that it's the right thing to do...& the last part of that message...I'm starting to get afraid...& I don't quite understand that...

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gettingstronger

I am confused- you are planning on leaving and he is not available OR you are thinking you just want to be alone when you leave and he is available-

 

It sounds as though the first step is to leave your marriage and take it from there- the rest will probably become much more clear once you have taken that first step-

 

You have a lot to say and a need to be heard- are you in counseling? I never thought I would get anything out of counseling, but I was wrong-it has been great and a chance to hash out all the mixed up thoughts in my head-

 

Good luck-

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Confusion_Reigns

Omg this is terrible trying to do this from a phone! I'm really sorry it's hard to read.

 

I am saying I'm confused at my feelings...my crazy confused feelings. I WAS completely ready to leave my h when the time was right I have a plan. & my own timeline that I decided on long before I met my friend...& I was totally planning on being alone & was perfectly ok with that...& now I'm getting thiscrazyfear inside that my friend will not sable tobe in my life as a man as a man who I want in my life . & I truly didn't expect these feelings to manifest inside of my mind & now my heart. I don't understand me elf I this regard

 

Thank u for your thoughts

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gettingstronger

Counseling! I swear, it helps- It takes a bit to be honest even with yourself at the start of counseling, but once you break through the barrier of admitting your hopes and fears out loud to another person- face to face- its pretty powerful!

 

Again, best of luck to you!

 

 

PS- your phone typing makes me smile :)

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Confusion_Reigns

Maybe it is high time to get myself into counseling. Lol last time I went my h freaked out & it was bad...but I'm pretty much done with this so called marriage anyway so him freaking our & leaving would actually be a blessing for me at this point. I've done all the work to find someone I wanna talk to called my health ins let my boss know the only thing I haven't done yet is make the call & set an apt...isn't it funny how we can know a thing & know it's right but not act on that thing...wonder why that is?

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gettingstronger

I agree- actually walking in to my first session I was pretty sure I was going to puke-I hope you decide to go- I never, ever pictured myself in counseling- I never had anything against it, it just didn't seem like anything I would find value in-

 

Maybe your first question could be "why did it take me so long to actually do this" :)

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eye of the storm

When I made my first counseling appointment, they asked what car I drove. I told them without thinking.

 

I made it to the parking lot and just sat in my car coming up with a hundred reasons why I didn't need to go in. Then this tiny woman knocked on my window and said that I was going to be late if I didn't come in.

 

I guess I'm not the first person she has had to pull out of a car. lol Its natural to be afraid. To have therapy work you have to completely open yourself up and let someone see all the good, bad and ugly that is inside you. Its terrifying. But, it can make all the difference in the world.

 

I hope you make the appointment and then keep it. You won't regret it.

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TL;DR

 

First, find it in your head that you deserve better.

 

Then, find it in your heart (much harder, BTW)

 

Then, one word: goodby.

 

Then, NC and pick up your life.

 

How can something so simple be so hard?

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