HBIC Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Hey ladies (and gents), Just wanted to update you all that not only has my post-A life been amazingly uplifting once I spectacularly booted xMM, but this evening I went on a date with a real gentleman and loved every minute of it. No secrets. No lies. No sneaking. No heartache. It was a 100% out in the open date in front of god and everyone. We talked about family and there was no need to swallow sadly. Makes me shake my head and wonder how I EVER put up with the BS of an A for a second. If you're in an A, please get the *&^% out as soon as you can and you too can date someone who treats you with respect! hugs! 11 Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineToday Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 It's a great feeling once all that is out of your life. That is why most of us are here, to give advice and hope those stuck in an affair, letting them know this exact thing can happen to them too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 woot, woot- cheers and yeah for you! keep on keeping on! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ChasingHope Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Hey ladies (and gents), Just wanted to update you all that not only has my post-A life been amazingly uplifting once I spectacularly booted xMM, but this evening I went on a date with a real gentleman and loved every minute of it. No secrets. No lies. No sneaking. No heartache. It was a 100% out in the open date in front of god and everyone. We talked about family and there was no need to swallow sadly. Makes me shake my head and wonder how I EVER put up with the BS of an A for a second. If you're in an A, please get the *&^% out as soon as you can and you too can date someone who treats you with respect! hugs! Thanks so much for this, HBIC. I am having one of those "days" and needed to hear this. Can I ask--how long was it after you ended the A before you were able to date? My xMM ended it over a month ago, right before his baby was born. We work together, and he has been out on paternity leave teh last few weeks, but if I am doing my math correctly, he should be back next week (barring nothing is wrong with the baby health-wise). 95% is dreading him coming back, but the other (stupid) 5% of me has some anticipation about seeing him. I know that I am healing and it is a process, but I wish that final 5% would go away sooner rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Kind of a sad observation- a thread that says I am having an affair with my friends husband get hundreds of responses- a happy, healthy thread gets just a few- I am as guilty as anyone else so its not a judgement, just a reminder to me to stop in and cheerlead and support the good in life- 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ChasingHope Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Kind of a sad observation- a thread that says I am having an affair with my friends husband get hundreds of responses- a happy, healthy thread gets just a few- I am as guilty as anyone else so its not a judgement, just a reminder to me to stop in and cheerlead and support the good in life- Getttingstronger is sooooo right--I came to this board to seek support and hear success stories from people who have survived and moved on from the A to live happier lives.....I wish there were more of these stories Thanks again HBIC, you are an inspiration!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HBIC Posted August 10, 2014 Author Share Posted August 10, 2014 Thanks so much for this, HBIC. I am having one of those "days" and needed to hear this. Can I ask--how long was it after you ended the A before you were able to date? My xMM ended it over a month ago, right before his baby was born. We work together, and he has been out on paternity leave teh last few weeks, but if I am doing my math correctly, he should be back next week (barring nothing is wrong with the baby health-wise). 95% is dreading him coming back, but the other (stupid) 5% of me has some anticipation about seeing him. I know that I am healing and it is a process, but I wish that final 5% would go away sooner rather than later. My two cents: consider your xMM ending it a gift. Working with him is going to scratch away at the wound in your heart as it heals. Care about yourself enough to come up with a concrete plan (with action steps! ) to manage how you will deal with the withdrawal process. Healing DOES take time and only NC will speed it up, which in your case would mean finding a new job. (Not always the easiest thing.) It's been two months since the end of the A for me. Someone recently told me that I wasn't ready to date yet, but I think she was projecting her own issues. My heart's response was "the hell I'm not (ready)!!!" Buuuut my situation was a tad unique in that I was forced to stay in the A against my will a lot longer than I wanted to. A year of it was basically biding my time until I could get out safely. Do I still think of xMM? Yes. Do I miss being in the A? Not for a second. New guy is brilliant, handsome, family-oriented, hard-working, honest, and sweet. We went out again Friday night and had a great time AND chatted on the phone Saturday night (imagine that!). I'm seriously smitten and disgustingly happy. When you treat yourself with respect the universe responds in kind. Thanks to everyone who appreciates hearing about a very happy outcome. Time to go for a walk in the woods a bask in the gloriousness of summer! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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