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was the sex THAT good or...?


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Was it good because it was forbidden?

My EA lasted 13 years though we only acknowledged the love between us for a few years, the chemistry was ALWAYS crazy.

It never did reach a PA but I wonder how we were able to avoid it.

Calls and texts constant...just HOT which kept me holding on...that being wanted and desired...but never giving me concrete hands on affection per se.

So, was the sex REALLY all that?

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The sex is great, the best I have ever had; but that is not the reason why this exists. It is the emotional side.

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bentleychic
The sex is great, the best I have ever had; but that is not the reason why this exists. It is the emotional side.

Exactly. It is AMAZING, but we had the connection and love before the physical side ever entered the relationship.

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I wonder if the men tie to it emotionally or not. I guess it just depends on whom.

I also wonder if for my friend he justified that it was not a true A because he never gave in to the physical, therefore it was "just friends".

There were enough I love yous and shared desires to fill the ocean but we never made the leap in person to a PA. But oh my...I dont know how I would recover if it had as the crumbling of the EA nearly killed me.

I know it would have been amazing but wondered if that...just like sexting was so amazing because it was in secret and very forbidden because we were both married.

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GreySkyMorning
Was it good because it was forbidden?

My EA lasted 13 years though we only acknowledged the love between us for a few years, the chemistry was ALWAYS crazy.

It never did reach a PA but I wonder how we were able to avoid it.

Calls and texts constant...just HOT which kept me holding on...that being wanted and desired...but never giving me concrete hands on affection per se.

So, was the sex REALLY all that?

 

Nope. It's funny, because at the time I was IN the A, I thought it was amazing. We used to tell each other that it was the best we'd ever had. He could just look at me and I'd be turned on instantly. The connection was everything.

 

But now, looking back at the whole thing since I've been out of it? It wasn't that great. It was average sex, at best. I really do think it was the low frequency of being together and the secrecy, etc. The real committed sex I have now with my boyfriend is SO much better because there is a REAL connection, not just one based on secrets and sneaking around.

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well, no matter how good it was, it still wasn't worth having him look at his watch the second he pulled his d&ck out of me

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EasternStandard

As a MM, sex with the OW in my life has been amazing. She is by far the best that I have had. In saying that, the sex with my wife has also gotten better since my affair started.

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GreySkyMorning
As a MM, sex with the OW in my life has been amazing. She is by far the best that I have had. In saying that, the sex with my wife has also gotten better since my affair started.

 

So, have you let the OW know how much better sex has gotten with the W?

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Was it good because it was forbidden?

My EA lasted 13 years though we only acknowledged the love between us for a few years, the chemistry was ALWAYS crazy.

It never did reach a PA but I wonder how we were able to avoid it.

Calls and texts constant...just HOT which kept me holding on...that being wanted and desired...but never giving me concrete hands on affection per se.

So, was the sex REALLY all that?

 

I thought about this question. We could have had it turn physical (he asked me to show up at his place, I didn't). He enjoys talking about it, fantasize about it. But to me, so what? Even if sex happens, then what? I will probably get more emotionally spun into the web while he... gets his fantasy live out. Sex is sex with men, isn't it?

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BrokenPrincess
As a MM, sex with the OW in my life has been amazing. She is by far the best that I have had. In saying that, the sex with my wife has also gotten better since my affair started.

 

Are you relatively new in your A? This is really common for married AP when you first get almost hyper sexual, it carries over into sex at home.

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isolatedgothic

He thinks its the best in the world. I think it is tolerable, a bit dull, very very predictable. It would be better if he would divorce and commit to me. I have certainly had better.

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EasternStandard
So, have you let the OW know how much better sex has gotten with the W?

 

Nope, we don't really talk about my wife that much at all. She asks about my kids from time to time, but we really just enjoy each others company.

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EasternStandard
Are you relatively new in your A? This is really common for married AP when you first get almost hyper sexual, it carries over into sex at home.

 

No, it has been going on for 2 years now. For me, it was not only how good the sex is with the OW, but how often and what type. My wife and I are having more frequent sex and she has start to give oral sex a lot more than she use to.

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Heck yes sex was that good!!! :eek::love: There is something about sex when everything is new that is amazing. Sex with him is still wonderful, he is just very good in that department, but coming to this heaven on earth it was AMAZING. :D

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Nope, we don't really talk about my wife that much at all. She asks about my kids from time to time, but we really just enjoy each others company.

 

So fascinating....

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Someone mentioned low frequency. The more I thought about that, the more it hit home. It is the anticipation, the build up.

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Was it good because it was forbidden?

My EA lasted 13 years though we only acknowledged the love between us for a few years, the chemistry was ALWAYS crazy.

It never did reach a PA but I wonder how we were able to avoid it.

Calls and texts constant...just HOT which kept me holding on...that being wanted and desired...but never giving me concrete hands on affection per se.

So, was the sex REALLY all that?

 

 

 

One year out...

 

 

At the time it seemed AMAZING because of the sexual tension constantly strumming between us.

 

 

But now, I look back and realize that he was awful in bed. Very boring. :)

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bentleychic
Someone mentioned low frequency. The more I thought about that, the more it hit home. It is the anticipation, the build up.

Definitely not the case for me. Even when we are getting together every day and/or on vacation together and able to at least daily, if not more, it's still amazing pretty much every time.

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Definitely not the case for me. Even when we are getting together every day and/or on vacation together and able to at least daily, if not more, it's still amazing pretty much every time.

 

Question is: If you were in a "traditional" open R, together for 5 years or so, would it still be amazing every time? At some point, you're going to get a few clunkers. Or even a string of them. It's just natural, IMO.

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bentleychic
Question is: If you were in a "traditional" open R, together for 5 years or so, would it still be amazing every time? At some point, you're going to get a few clunkers. Or even a string of them. It's just natural, IMO.

I have no idea. I've only had one other partner and I can't say our sex was ever more than "okay" in our many years of marriage. There are various physical ways that MM is different that make a difference in that area, but that would be more information than I want to share here.

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Question is: If you were in a "traditional" open R, together for 5 years or so, would it still be amazing every time? At some point, you're going to get a few clunkers. Or even a string of them. It's just natural, IMO.

 

I'm in an open relationship. I've had the same FWB for two years and my primary relationship is now in year 15. Yes, some of my sex partners have been duds, and I stopped seeing them as soon as that was clear. Some have been phenomenal, almost as good as my SO, who is still the best partner I've ever had. Even when a partner is just good in comparison to my SO, there is still the novelty and pleasure and excitement of different. There is often an emotional connection as well, but so far that has always been a secondary consideration (except early in our primary relationship when we had a polyamorous scenario develop).

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still_an_Angel

Our sexual chemistry has always been very intense. And because we live separate lives, the situation keeps the longing, build up, anticipation burning.

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I'm in an open relationship.

Sorry, I should have clarified. I meant "open" as in "in the open/not a concealed A". Bad job by me.

 

Even when a partner is just good in comparison to my SO, there is still the novelty and pleasure and excitement of different.

Exactly. It's all relative, though. When we're dealing with non-open M's, and one spouse is having an A, I'm sure there's a lot of comparison going on between the AP and the BS as a means of wondering who the better partner would be. It's usually not apple-to-apples, though, since that excitement of being different you refer to would weigh it in the AP's favor.

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Question is: If you were in a "traditional" open R, together for 5 years or so, would it still be amazing every time? At some point, you're going to get a few clunkers. Or even a string of them. It's just natural, IMO.

 

We've been in a "traditional" R, if by that you include M, for more than 5 years post-A. And I must confess that it *is* still amazing. No clunkers, because we have sex when we both _want_ to! not when we feel we *ought* to. And despite living together and being together all day every day (with occasional exceptions) we still can't keep our hands off each other.

 

The sex really was that good, and still is. Being "forbidden" or "low frequency" or any of the other consolations bandied about had nothing to do with it. It was - and is - that good because of chemistry, because of desires in synch, and because we both just enjoy physicality. We can be ourselves sexually with each other, and that makes all the difference.

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