Hope Shimmers Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I screwed up and answered this morning - he called on a disposable phone. I saw the location when it rang and I have several potential clients in that area, so I picked up. Uggh. I don't want to have to change the phone number I have had for hundreds of clients for a dozen years because of this. I hung up when I recognized his voice. I don't know what he said. Ugggh!!!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LearningToMoveOn Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I'm sorry you have to deal with this Hope but it shows amazing strength that you could hang up the phone and not talk to him. My advice would be to keep your number but to just let any suspicious numbers (especially from that area code) go to voicemail. Your xMM is quite persistent and you would think he would have enough respect for you at this point to honor your request for NC. He has to know it hurts you every time he reaches out and you have to ignore him. I haven't broken NC in 6 months for a million reasons, even though I have the urge to every single day. Stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Good for you hanging up! If it happens again - do you feel capable of telling him firmly "do not call me ever again!" ...? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Congrats for hanging up! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope Shimmers Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 I'm sorry you have to deal with this Hope but it shows amazing strength that you could hang up the phone and not talk to him. My advice would be to keep your number but to just let any suspicious numbers (especially from that area code) go to voicemail. Your xMM is quite persistent and you would think he would have enough respect for you at this point to honor your request for NC. He has to know it hurts you every time he reaches out and you have to ignore him. I haven't broken NC in 6 months for a million reasons, even though I have the urge to every single day. Stay strong. Thank you... and congrats to you for 6 months... that is huge. I have to keep my phone number (I could change it, but I hope I don't have to in terms of my business). But hearing him for the first time in a long time was not something I wanted to deal with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 People are so, so strange. He really needed a burner phone to call you? What a messed up guy. Honestly, don't change your number, realize he's such a failed man that he can't man up and either leave you alone or contact you straight up, he needs to trick you. So ridiculous. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope Shimmers Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 Good for you hanging up! If it happens again - do you feel capable of telling him firmly "do not call me ever again!" ...? Thanks 2sunny. I don't want to even tell him 'don't call me ever again'. I just need it to be done. Maybe I will need to change my phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Red123 Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Thanks 2sunny. I don't want to even tell him 'don't call me ever again'. I just need it to be done. Maybe I will need to change my phone. You should not have to change your number especially if you use it for business. He is a grown man and should respect that you are done. You should be very proud of yourself for just hanging up. It really shows how far you have come, I believe many people would have spoken to the MM. YOU ARE STRONG! I'm sure this is still really hard but you did the right thing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Thanks 2sunny. I don't want to even tell him 'don't call me ever again'. I just need it to be done. Maybe I will need to change my phone. If you can, do change your number. Good for you for hanging up! If he calls again you hanging up says a hell of a lot more than words. He is looking for any type of reaction, good or bad...so silence is golden here! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I wouldn't bother changing your number...with the history of this guy's persistence to keep you hanging on, I'm sure he would find it out somehow anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Good job, keep it up, it will get easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey1982 Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 You are one of the VERY strongest women I know and this proves it! Stay strong, my friend! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LearningToMoveOn Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 You are one of the VERY strongest women I know and this proves it! Stay strong, my friend! Good to see you here Mickey. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey1982 Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Good to see you here Mickey. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. Thanks LearningToMoveOn! I had to get off of LS for a while since I was spending way too much time reading posts----not on the OW board, but instead on the BS board which were really setting me back and were more detrimental to my healing than beneficial. I am glad to say that I am making progress!!! I am about 5 months of NC and just deleted all texts that I saved from him last week while on vacation in the caribbean. Do I still love him? Yes, always will. I can't flip the switch even after 5 months. But, I have become angry when thinking about the treatment he gave me at the end of the relationship when his BS found out about us. It opened my eyes to a person I had never seen before and honestly, do not care to have in my life any more. Remember the 'old Mickey' who was so jealous of everyone who was continually contacted by their AP???? I am to the point that if he contacted me now, I will NOT reply. It's a strange feeling beacuse the love never went away.....but, instead the blinders came off and I see him for what he was. SHE can have him-----HER loss, MY gain! Mickey! Hope---sorry for highjacking a bit. HUGS! 9 Link to post Share on other sites
LearningToMoveOn Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Thanks LearningToMoveOn! I had to get off of LS for a while since I was spending way too much time reading posts----not on the OW board, but instead on the BS board which were really setting me back and were more detrimental to my healing than beneficial. I am glad to say that I am making progress!!! I am about 5 months of NC and just deleted all texts that I saved from him last week while on vacation in the caribbean. Do I still love him? Yes, always will. I can't flip the switch even after 5 months. But, I have become angry when thinking about the treatment he gave me at the end of the relationship when his BS found out about us. It opened my eyes to a person I had never seen before and honestly, do not care to have in my life any more. Remember the 'old Mickey' who was so jealous of everyone who was continually contacted by their AP???? I am to the point that if he contacted me now, I will NOT reply. It's a strange feeling beacuse the love never went away.....but, instead the blinders came off and I see him for what he was. SHE can have him-----HER loss, MY gain! Mickey! Hope---sorry for highjacking a bit. HUGS! Mickey, I am SO SO happy for you! It's wonderful that you are making such amazing progress!! I completely understand everything you wrote and can relate to it so much. I still have a lot of anger over his treatment of me on D Day and the fact that he has never tried to rectify it. I will never understand it. But I haven't been able to fully flip the switch on my feelings for him either...even 6 months out. The fact that you deleted the texts is HUGE! Congrats! I'm still holding onto emails so you've now surpassed me in your progress. I'm really, really happy to hear you are doing so well. I've been having a tough couple of days and your news is really encouraging. Apologies for the t/j Hope! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope Shimmers Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 Thanks everyone. Mickey, it's great to see you back again. Thank you for saying I am strong (although you didn't see me a couple of years ago). I told you it would get better - you sound like you are in a much stronger place than you were a few weeks ago. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MatchStick Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Hope Simmers, Congrats on hanging up! You did right by yourself! Pretty weakie of him to use a disposable phone. You think maybe this tactic is a part of the thrill? With my xMM, 6 mths ago now, I said if he ever wanted to contact me, and it was email, I would cc his wife. I didn't think he could mind since we were supposed to be platonic. (But after a EA and she discovered the attraction). He wanted to cool it with me, mollify the wife for a few months, then met me for a cup of coffee next time he came into town on business. Of course, behind wife's back. He probably did come into town. I got a missed call from a number I recognize as probably his work, and in a few days, a landline call from the local airport. Sad thing is that in the beginning, that would have been ever so innocent on my part. Now, with the threat of telling wife, not a peep out of him who condones platonic interaction. Once again, congrats on hanging up. You don't need to say anything. It is so sneaky, and will end up at your expense. I keep thinking that if my xMM did, it would be pretty brief like "Go Away or else I'll take stronger measures.....whatever I have to do." Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope Shimmers Posted June 26, 2014 Author Share Posted June 26, 2014 An interesting short story.... several months ago I was asked out by a co-worker who is separated. I told him that I am sorry - but I don't date separated men. He told me that he and his wife have been separated for many months, living apart, just waiting for the paperwork to go through. I said sorry.... Well, I heard a couple of weeks ago from another coworker that this guy is now back living with his wife. I would have been 0 for 2. NEVER DATE SEPARATED MEN! I need to get that on a T-shirt. Or maybe brand it on my forehead. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope Shimmers Posted June 26, 2014 Author Share Posted June 26, 2014 This is a copy-and-paste of a reply from one of my threads during my days as Tenacity here. It was posted to me by a member here named 'fooled once'. Many, many people took their time to post to me in ways that had a huge impact on me. But this is one of the posts that really stuck with me and jolted me into some kind of reality. I thought it might help someone else so here it is: ____________________ You know I think you are wonderful...remember that. What in the world are you thinking?????? Seriously - you want to APOLOGIZE to him ... for what exactly? For not falling at his fecking feet and begging him to continue to verbally berate you? For not accepting his sh*tty treatment with a smile on your face? For not licking the bottom of his feet? Apologize to him? WTF???? I know you are angry. I know you are hurting. But I think you just want to reach out to him. You cannot make him recognize the baby. You cannot make him give a damn. You cannot make him do anything or feel anything. You can accept that he is a piss poor human being. You can accept that he never truly cared about you (or the baby). You can accept that you made a huge mistake in getting involved with him. You can accept that it is over. Say that last one again - it is over. Are you wanting to tell his wife to hurt him? Do you realize that you will only be hurting yourself? You do realize he will deny he ever touched you and he will tell her you are a delusional lonely woman who got pregnant from a one night stand and then decided in your warped mind that HE was the father of the child. He will tear you to shred to his wife. She will of course trust her husband and she will shred you apart with her words. Do you need or want that drama in your life? I know you want payback. I get that. You want him to hurt like you are hurting. You want him to acknowledge how much you are hurting and that your child was his child. He is never going to do that. When was the last time you contacted him or had contact with him? My honest thoughts - you are an abused woman who keeps wanting her abuser back in her life. That is what I got from reading your post today. You want him to want you so bad that you are willing to do anything to get him to acknowledge you. But I know that you are not that woman. You are a strong woman. You are a hurting woman. I think like someone suggested you need to talk to a grieve counselor. You need to work through your grief. My family member lost their 3 year old a little over 2 years ago. The family member has been grieving so badly. The first year was the worst - the first holidays, the first birthday that passed. As the 2nd year of the passing came and went, the family member has changed so much. The sadness is gone from the eyes. The light is back. Weight that had been gained during mourning has been shed. Life is out there to live. You need to work through your grief and most importantly, you MUST MUST MUST forgive yourself. Do you think you can do that? You know I am rooting for you. You know I want the best for you. You know I care about you. ((hugs)) Each day is a new day. The only person you can change is you. The only person you can heal is you. I wish you nothing but happiness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted June 29, 2014 Share Posted June 29, 2014 Are you over him? If yes then answer and tell him to stay away,just what i would do.I know a friend who said "if you ever Contact me again i am Calling your wife and telling Everything"...he never contacted again No need to hide,change number because of him!! Link to post Share on other sites
enya46 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 An interesting short story.... several months ago I was asked out by a co-worker who is separated. I told him that I am sorry - but I don't date separated men. He told me that he and his wife have been separated for many months, living apart, just waiting for the paperwork to go through. I said sorry.... Well, I heard a couple of weeks ago from another coworker that this guy is now back living with his wife. I would have been 0 for 2. NEVER DATE SEPARATED MEN! I need to get that on a T-shirt. Or maybe brand it on my forehead. What kind of men are left then? Divorced or Single. A Single man in our age more or less, is difficult to meet. I mean, who has no history in their mid 40s? So, it would be somebody who is either D, or has been in a partner relationship and no longer is.. (How to tell that apart from the separated?) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope Shimmers Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 What kind of men are left then? Divorced or Single. A Single man in our age more or less, is difficult to meet. I mean, who has no history in their mid 40s? So, it would be somebody who is either D, or has been in a partner relationship and no longer is.. (How to tell that apart from the separated?) Basically what's left are men who are divorced or widowed. I don't have a problem with men who have history - I just want it to remain that way (history). Separated men are still married, and the marriage isn't history. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 What kind of men are left then? Divorced or Single. A Single man in our age more or less, is difficult to meet. I mean, who has no history in their mid 40s? So, it would be somebody who is either D, or has been in a partner relationship and no longer is.. (How to tell that apart from the separated?) Only guys I know in there 40's that has no major relationship history either spent 20 years in prison or still plays video games in his momma's basement. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope Shimmers Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 Only guys I know in there 40's that has no major relationship history either spent 20 years in prison or still plays video games in his momma's basement. And I've met plenty of those too.... one who wanted to introduce me to his mom on the first date... so I don't date single guys in their 40's either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 And I've met plenty of those too.... one who wanted to introduce me to his mom on the first date... so I don't date single guys in their 40's either. 20's? Lots of energy. Link to post Share on other sites
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