in love with om

[wasntlooking]

Before you rip me apart, i know what i did was wrong, no need to tell me that. I was not looking for another relationship since im already married but foolishly was swept away and am now in love with another man. We met online through a game. Both said we were married, took about a week for things to turn sexual, like chatting sexually. I ws driving by his town so we decided to meeg up after three months of chatting.

 

We kissed and had sex...no need to tell me how stupid that was but no one will quite understand the connection we had....it was something ive never felt. Once i got home it was like something hit me and i couldnt do it anymore. I was heart broken i had to leave him and not knowing when i was going to see him again was killig me so i broke it off in an email. He never responded buf stopped playing the game we met on.we did talk one time before this email was seng and he said how much he enjoyed meeting me and that it was a bonus we made love. So that was four months ago, its been a clean NC since then.

 

The problem is ive had time to clear my head and have discovered i am so in love with him its unreal. It takes everythinv in me to not contact him. You may think im infatuated but ive done so much thinking the last four months and i know its love i feel. What he feels, dont know but i want to know. I think it wil help me move forwrd. As for my husband. He adores me and i feel awful...the last four months i have really scared becsuse i dont think im in love with him anymore but i care for him.

 

I started feeling this way beforeother man came into picture. I am so cnfused. I do want to be happily married ....i do believe that if it was another time this OM and I would be together but it didnt happen that way. How do i move on when im n love with OM still? And im trying to save marriage cause i know he adores me but doesnt deserve someone whos in love with someone else.

 

Would contactng the OM help me move on since i never knew how he truly feels? Please be kijd, i alreadf know i screwed up .......wish it never happened because now im in love with Om

Edited January 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Secret Advisor]

The OM is not in love with you.

[wasntlooking]

How do u know

[whichwayisup]

You barely know the guy, really only through online games and chat and a few love making sessions. You have built him up to be someone he's not. Your mind automatically created a fantasy of whom you wanted him to be. He is not that guy.

[wasntlooking]

He said to me on numerous occasions he wish we met earlier n life, i knew he wasnt going to leave his family, i know that, i just am having a hard time switching my feelngs off and was so nieve to get into this in the first place.....i do feel he has feelings for me but knows he wont leave his family and knowz i wont either so how do i switch off thise feelings

[Secret Advisor]

He enjoyed meeting you and enjoyed the bonus. You broke up with him and he has not attempted to contact you. Does that sound like someone in love? It was a fling. Don't try to make it any deeper than that.

[wasntlooking]

It would make me feel better to hear people bash him too, lol, all i can think of is good things about him cause my mind wont think of the bad

[whichwayisup]

You gotta kill the fantasy of who you think he is. that man only exists in your head!

 

You both got caught up in this and lucky you, got smart and ended it. Keep reminding yourself what you are risking... Your life, marriage, house, kids, family, in laws, possibly friends too, all for what? Some guy who fed your ego and made you feel good about yourself. Reality is, you do not know him, he doesn't know you either.

[wasntlooking]

I was usually th one that contacted first all the time anyways, he was too afraid of gettng me n trouble

[Secret Advisor]

I'm not bashing you. Keep this moment as your own little secret. Don't beat yourself up. Doesn't it feel great that (other) men still find you attractive?

[wasntlooking]

Trust me i nevef would have gotten myself into this if i knew how i was goijg to feel now. Its been four months NC. I think ive done good with that long i just want it to go away but everytime i feel like im doing good i get scared and bring all the memories back so i dont let go....its like im afraid to let go

[wasntlooking]

And one reasn why i broke it off was because i dont want to be that other person who destroys a family.......so its like a do a incredibly selfish thing and then im trying to correct it by doing exactlg the opposite of what my heart tells me to do.....trust me, i dont want to be that woman who breaks up a family as much as i do feel for him

[Secret Advisor]

You are not in love with him. You are in love with the idea of being in love with him. You are feeling guilty now because of what you did. Now you want to know whether he felt the same way so that you would feel less guilt. You shouldn't feel guilty.

[Lillyfree]

hi, and welcome.

 

if you want to, you can look through some of my early threads - similar situation, but it went on for longer and we didn't have sex. i was a mess to start with (as you might be able to see) but by month 4 i was getting better and working on improving my marriage.

 

it is a bit strange to me that you are pining for this guy longer than you've known him. you had enough wits about you to end it, yet can't break the habit of thinking about him... and that's the fantasy, your escape from every day life, and as long as you're doing it you're betraying your husband.

 

the only way i can see that you can break this is to tell your husband. that will nuke any 'love' you think you might feel for this guy.

 

i know you won't have PM permissions for a while, but i will answer any questions you might have here.

 

it gets better.

[wasntlooking]

I agree, the hardest part is not knowing what he truly feelz. He said to me lots of times thst he is not the type to talk about his feelings, and i see that noe. He was aleays very private person, would talk about his kids and would answer any question i had but i didnt pry too much cause i knew he wasnt all for talking abouy feelings. Thats just hard for me

[whichwayisup]

Trust me i nevef would have gotten myself into this if i knew how i was goijg to feel now. Its been four months NC. I think ive done good with that long i just want it to go away but everytime i feel like im doing good i get scared and bring all the memories back so i dont let go....its like im afraid to let go

 

What are you afraid of?

 

And really, what memories? You mean feelings,,,how he made you feel. You two don't have 'memories or a true friendship'. It was on the expense of innocent people, in a fantasy fun world, not real life.

 

Keep busy. distract yourself. Google and read up on how to let go of a fantasy love, one that you are addicted to. Be around your friends and family and do not let yourself fantasize, and remember.

[Secret Advisor]

He was in love with you while he was making love to you. Now you are both back to reality. It is a nice memory for both of you. Keep it at that. And whatever you do, resist the urge to tell your husband, just because you want to unburden yourself. Very few men will be forgiving and understanding about it.

[wasntlooking]

Lillyfree. Thanks for your comments, yes i am truly naive and fell for this guy fast and hard. I wa already having issues in my marriage and wasnt looking but vot caught up and he filled all the spots i was missing. I have been truly thinking of my marriage the last four months and not sure if my feelings for my husband can change. I love him but not n love anymore. And that scares me. This affair showed me the possibility i have of being in love again and it scares me even more. You all dont know all the specifics but i do believe tjat OM truly had feelings for me but both of us werent going to leave and i think we both are trying to accept reality and try to let each other move on.

[Lillyfree]

He was in love with you while he was making love to you. Now you are both back to reality. It is a nice memory for both of you. Keep it at that. And whatever you do, resist the urge to tell your husband, just because you want to unburden yourself. Very few men will be forgiving and understanding about it.

 

 

while i consider novelty accounts on forums a cute thing at times, this is not one of those times.

 

OP, some WS tell BS and some don't. to keep this as some sort of 'nice memory' means holding onto that fantasy, and that's not healthy.

 

as i said, 4 months of not being able to start to let go after 3 months of chatting and sleeping with him once, means you need to speak to someone.

i'd suggest you go to IC, to start with. but your husband should know.

[wasntlooking]

I fight myself everyday, i know i need to let go but i was so happy.......i may be naive but i know what my feelngs are for him, just need to shut it off

[wasntlooking]

And i do believe i have some self esteem issues, always have. I think thats a big part of why i fell so hard so fast. I do believe he has some self esteem issues also.

[Lillyfree]

I fight myself everyday, i know i need to let go but i was so happy.......i may be naive but i know what my feelngs are for him, just need to shut it off

 

you know what your feelings are, but they're not directed at a real person.

 

OP, i thought that way about my CM. oh, he was that one person that was everything i hoped for.

...until i did a bit of digging online and found out that he was into some pretty messed up stuff. then as time passed, i saw all the turdy things he did and said, and thought 'he's not misunderstood, he's just a wanker. that's why he doesn't have good relationships with his friends and family'.

took a while, but i kicked him off that pedestal once and for all!

and when you do that, your husband might have a chance. as for now, he's a real guy fighting mr perfectpants who exist in your head only...

 

also, look up 'mirroring'. might make things a bit clearer. there definitely isn't someone else exactly like us!

 

AND, keep in mind that he's either moved on to another OW, or was juggling a few while you were around.

 

sorry to be blunt, but now that i'm out and away from the mess that As are, i cringe at the thought of how close i was to destroying my life.

[wasntlooking]

Lillyfree you are helping me so much, i agree with all u say. I did some digging around too and he wa always a private person so he doesnt have any socisl network accoujts or anything like that so i cant find much on him. What i did find matches what he told me. I did search out for his wife and find it funny we are very similar, go figure. But i long for the day that i can be like you and look back and say what the hell i was thinkinv. I want to fijd all this bad stuff about him, would make it so much easier but i havent found it yet except for the fact he cheated on his wife. But im no better

[Lillyfree]

yeah, fact that you can't find anything and that he's a private person means also that he could have enough to hide...

 

as i said, i'm here if you have any questions. hang in there, the fact that you've posted means that you want a better and more genuine life - and i'll help as much as i can

[wasntlooking]

Ikn ikm dwelling on this but i reallpy think if i knew what he was thinking it would help. Im feel like i was left with no closure. I mean im in love and havent contacted him so i can only think he may have feelings still but wont conact because he knows its wrong, just like i do. I feel like i need to know, not so i can hold on but so i can let go.i think it would help.