weallknow1 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Hi. I first became emotionally involved with a woman in a relationship during her first miscarriage with her partner. We were workmates who had plenty of time to talk while we did our jobs in a fairly intimate environment. We bonded over the loss, her of her child and I had lost my partner a year prior, so we had a connection. She felt that I was able to help her through a tough time in her life where her partner couldn't and so we talked and talked about everything and anything. A month after the first miscarriage she informed me that she had feelings for me, out of the blue, yet this also stirred in me the realisation that I also had developed feelings for her, but had denied them because of her being in a relationship already. We started dating and spending time together outside of work and feelings of excitement and nervousness/ heart flutters abounded whenever I was around her. During this time she also got pregnant a second time by her partner, which was devastating in itself. It was also at this time that she informed me that she no longer saw her partner as the father of her children and that she wanted me to be the father of her children, as I have a child from my previous relationship. At this stage it was purely an emotional affair. She ended up losing her second pregnancy to miscarriage before 10 weeks, and our closeness grew even stronger together, to the point where I was inconsolable after hearing of the loss of her pregnancy. From there things started to get physical beginning with hugs to comfort her after her miscarriage which progressed and heated up over the month. The inevitable happened and she "escaped" from her partner and spent a few hours at my place where we slept together. It felt right between us, but wrong under the circumstances, so we talked about it and were of the opinion that she should tell her partner what had happened and take things from there. She informed me that she had told her partner and that she was not to see me or have any contact with me again outside of work. We were back sleeping together within 3 weeks, and continued sleeping together until she found out she was pregnant a third time a few weeks later. And the sex was called off. She informed me she had chosen to stay with her partner, so we continued to be friends. At this stage we were unsure of the paternity of the child or whether the pregnancy would stick, so she had some scans done and they dated in an area where neither myself or the partner could be ruled out of being the father. She informed me that both myself and her partner were aware of exactly what was going on. Personally I was upset that her and her partner were sleeping together as she had said so many things about how bad their relationship was, and that she wanted out and of how much she loved me and wanted to be with me, and I fell for it, time and time again. I had met her partner a few times previously and didn't think too much of him at all. Our work Christmas party came around and she and her partner were there and I was there also. During this stage I was told by her that she was not allowed to speak to me, an order coming from her partner in relation to our affair, so I didn't, yet he came over to me and we drank the night away together while she sat there sober and pregnant getting incessantly bitchy about the evening and what was going on. During this evening I flirted with her extremely in front of her partner who had no idea what was going on, and I just figured it was because we were both extremely drunk that he had no idea what was going on. A few weeks later I met them in a sober environment, by this time she was convinced that the child was her partners and they had began to tell her and his family that it was theirs, although there is a chance it is not. This meeting went well with her but not with him and I, after having a few doubts about whether he really knew what was going on in terms of having an affair, or whether he knew about the paternity issues with the child, from this meeting I was convinced that he knew everything and was just playing it out to see what happened with the child. I brought up paternity testing with her one day and she told me in no uncertain terms that she had already thought about that and had talked to her partner about having a paternity test when the child was born. So convinced that she was telling the truth, after months and months of doubting whether he knew anything and finally being convinced, I decided to go straight to her partner and talk about paternity testing with him. I chose to do this in order to sort this issue out for the childs sake, let him know I would be around if it were my child and to double check whether she had been telling the truth. I was aware there was a risk that he did not know and it would ruin what was going on, and what was turning into a very decent friendship, we both knew each other so well, I had instincts that she wasn't truthful to me, by this time I had had enough of her bull****, and had to take checking measures of the situation for the child and for her partners sake. Turns out she had lied about her partner knowing, he had no idea what was going on, had no idea about the conception dates of the child, no idea about paternity tests, no idea about her even sleeping around. He got a very rude and abrupt shock, was in complete denial about his partner doing anything like that and wouldn't believe one word of what I said and came around and saw me where I showed him evidence of the affair in the form of text messages. He promptly kicked her out, she accused me of destroying her life and is now going to undergo a prenatal DNA test to determine paternity. If it turns out it is his child she will most likely keep it in the hope of luring him back, even though he wants nothing to do with her, and if it turns out to be my child she will most likely kill it as a means of covering up her deceitfulness and/or as an act of revenge/to not have me in her life.... whatever is right for her, and that is fair enough. From start to finish this has been about 10 months and I am currently awaiting for the dna tests to be undertaken........I don't plan on having her in my life in any real way in the future though I care for her, or I sympathise for her and want to be there for her. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 You sympathize with her? What the Hell for? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I don't think they can do dna testing for paternity in utero, can they? She sounds like a big lying liar that lies in every situation. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. I have NO sympathy from her. It sounds like she was playing everyone including you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Wow. What a screwed up situation. I agree with the previous two posters. That's messed up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oldspiceywolf Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Wow! What Christmas tale! She sounds horrible and I doubt she flushes it no matte whose it is, she feels to like hurting people. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I don't think they can do dna testing for paternity in utero, can they? Yes, they can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Yes, they can. Huh! That's new info to me! Thanks! (Not that I need it, but still good to learn new things! LOL) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 This is a really messed up situation. My heart breaks for that little baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Yes, they can. It can, but the risk makes it difficult to find doctors who will perform the procedure to extract fluid for testing. Considering her history of miscarriage, the chance is even less. Based on her history of lying, I wouldn't believe her about the testing without verification from the doctor. Very likely, she will simply claim that she had the test & confirmed that her husband is the father. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author weallknow1 Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 You sympathize with her? What the Hell for? This will be her 5th known pregnancy, 3 of which were miscarriages within the last two years when I have known her, her first at 17 years of age being an abortion at 12 weeks and this one at 23 years which has been healthy. All she wants is to have a child, now she has that chance but is struggling to deal with the circumstances that brought about this pregnancy and the fact that she may well be a "single" mum and the stigma that comes with that from other people, she is very self conscious and insecure about other peoples thoughts of her. Link to post Share on other sites
A.Moscote Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 You're single, she's been kicked out. So if you care/sympathize for her then be with her. Ask her about it. Be the better person, at least during the pregnancy. You were being irresponsible when you pursued a relationship with her at the wrong time. Now that she's free, don't be irresponsible and leave her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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