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I posted on here a couple weeks ago about my MM going back to his wife. You can read my story here

 

It's been so painful and it's only been two weeks but I still feel like I lost a man I really loved, and I can't imagine being with anyone else.

 

We had been planning to go to an event in the next state together, but obviously we didn't and we didn't see each other during the event. I did pass him on the highway on the way back today, and he drove near me for a half hour or so, and I felt like he drove faster so I couldn't drive away.

 

I was sad and rattled to see him. But about an hour ago he sent me this email:

 

"It filled me with melancholy to see you today. It confirms my thoughts that I can't see you, even in passing (ha), because I miss being with you too much.

 

Did you get a dog? He looked like a Spaniel mix? Cutie..."

 

What do I do?? I know common sense says IGNORE. I miss him so much. He said he misses me but nothing has changed in his life as far as I know. It's so painful to think we will never be able to be in the same space again.

 

HELP.

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Ignore and block if you don't think you can handle getting messages without replying and feel that's what you need to do. Replying will just start the pain all over again.

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What the heck. He tells you that it was clear that he cannot be in contact with you and then the next sentence asks you about your dog, ask if you are buds?

 

You've got to hold strong and don't contact him.

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I KNOW. He's asking me to reply. Then when I reply, I'll be stuck waiting for him to reply back to me again.

 

What, he wants an email correspondence relationship with me? I don't need a pen pal! Argh!

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No, I desperately want to. I want to talk to him, and for him to tell me he still loves me and he's finally leaving his wife-- the right way this time, getting his own place, grieving the loss, and healing so we can be together forever. That's really what I want, but I don't know how to make that happen in relation to this email-- reply? Not reply? Reply and tell him not to contact me until he's ready to do the above?

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"It filled me with melancholy to see you today. It confirms my thoughts that I can't see you, even in passing (ha), because I miss being with you too much.

 

Talk about mixed messages ...

 

He's telling you he can't see you and then trying to draw you in again by talking about your dog (if you have got one). He knows that you will be drawn by that. I think he's being cruel, to be frank. He might as well say "Here I am, looking at you, being tempted, but you can't have me. Let me try and keep your attention though by talking about your beloved pet ... but you still can't have me."

 

Ignore, I would say. The guy is only going to hurt you again and again. He's chosen to be with his wife. He wants it all, but he can't have it. It's all a mess and you are the one being hurt by his greed, if you can call it that. Don't you deserve a guy of your own who isn't pulling your strings?

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"It filled me with melancholy to see you today. It confirms my thoughts that I can't see you, even in passing (ha), because I miss being with you too much.

 

Talk about mixed messages ...

 

He's telling you he can't see you and then trying to draw you in again by talking about your dog (if you have got one). He knows that you will be drawn by that. I think he's being cruel, to be frank. He might as well say "Here I am, looking at you, being tempted, but you can't have me. Let me try and keep your attention though by talking about your beloved pet ... but you still can't have me."

 

Ignore, I would say. The guy is only going to hurt you again and again. He's chosen to be with his wife. He wants it all, but he can't have it. It's all a mess and you are the one being hurt by his greed, if you can call it that. Don't you deserve a guy of your own who isn't pulling your strings?

 

Yes, I do deserve that. I know I do. It's only been two weeks though and I'm still in the place where I don't want anyone else. I'm not even sure he'd see it that way, like he was pulling my strings.

 

I read on someone else's post not long ago that ignoring one email isn't going to keep him away if he truly is the love of my life and wants to come back. If he realizes that he'll try really hard to make it happen.

 

And yes, I did get a new dog! She's a beauty :D. It didn't even occur to me that he would have seen her.

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I'm not even sure he'd see it that way, like he was pulling my strings.

 

You can bet he won't see it that way. In fact, he'll be appalled that you would even consider he's being cruel and leaving you hanging on a string. My ex-MW did it all the time and I turned into the bad guy for even thinking that about her. It's how they operate.

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Yes, I do deserve that. I know I do. It's only been two weeks though and I'm still in the place where I don't want anyone else. I'm not even sure he'd see it that way, like he was pulling my strings.

 

I read on someone else's post not long ago that ignoring one email isn't going to keep him away if he truly is the love of my life and wants to come back. If he realizes that he'll try really hard to make it happen.

 

And yes, I did get a new dog! She's a beauty :D. It didn't even occur to me that he would have seen her.

 

He's probably acting on instinct. He wants you both, at least to play with, but he can't have that and he knows it. It doesn't stop him playing because he wants the security of knowing you are there at hand if he can't resist temptation.

 

But where does this leave you? Waiting for him to crack and spend time with you again and then go back to his wife? That would be an awful place for you to be. Even if you 'won' him, would you be living with the fear that he'd go back again, or with the fear that he'd find another affair again?

 

As I see it, a married man is getting his regular 'hot dinners' (warmth and security) at home. If someone dangled a iced cake in front of him, he'd be tempted. However, if someone said, 'if you have that iced cake there will be no more hot dinners for life', he'd think again and hold back. He'd still be looking at the cake every so often though and maybe even stealing a bit of icing, but he'd know the hot dinners were what kept him going in life.

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I posted on here a couple weeks ago about my MM going back to his wife. You can read my story here

 

It's been so painful and it's only been two weeks but I still feel like I lost a man I really loved, and I can't imagine being with anyone else.

 

We had been planning to go to an event in the next state together, but obviously we didn't and we didn't see each other during the event. I did pass him on the highway on the way back today, and he drove near me for a half hour or so, and I felt like he drove faster so I couldn't drive away.

 

I was sad and rattled to see him. But about an hour ago he sent me this email:

 

"It filled me with melancholy to see you today. It confirms my thoughts that I can't see you, even in passing (ha), because I miss being with you too much.

 

Did you get a dog? He looked like a Spaniel mix? Cutie..."

 

What do I do?? I know common sense says IGNORE. I miss him so much. He said he misses me but nothing has changed in his life as far as I know. It's so painful to think we will never be able to be in the same space again.

 

HELP.

 

You are hurting and I think you know the best thing for you is not to see or speak to him as it is too painful. Everything is fresh and raw, you're emotional. Replying back will open the door to more contact.

 

Bottom line is, things are over between you two and the only way heal is to allow yourself to accept it IS over, grieve that loss and give up all hope.

 

Do write to him, but never send it. Write it in a word program not in your email account (this way you won't send it by accident if you get an urge) and pour out what you feel, for theraputic reasons, it'll help you feel better.

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No, I desperately want to. I want to talk to him, and for him to tell me he still loves me and he's finally leaving his wife-- the right way this time, getting his own place, grieving the loss, and healing so we can be together forever. That's really what I want, but I don't know how to make that happen in relation to this email-- reply? Not reply? Reply and tell him not to contact me until he's ready to do the above?

 

But he isn't! By asking him to do the above is setting yourself up for more pain. Why ask this when you know it's a lie? HE ISN'T divorcing. He's told you this both in words and in actions.

 

Just because you want him doesn't mean you have to have him. He isn't available in the way you want him.

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Change your contact information or configure it to dispose of his contacts without notification. Similarly, erase all known contact information for him. With that, running into each other in public will likely never happen again. This way, the pain you feel will process on its own, without ambiguities injected into it by him. Good luck.

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SunshineToday

Cat you have the power to make him stop. Answer his email with this :

Do not contact me ever again. The next email you send me goes right to your wife.

 

Problem solved. If you want it solved.

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Cat you have the power to make him stop. Answer his email with this :

Do not contact me ever again. The next email you send me goes right to your wife.

 

Problem solved. If you want it solved.

 

Isn't that the truth? I'm not too proud to admit I don't want him to stop. It's getting easier every day, it really is, but it's been so hard for me to take the advice of everyone here and block him. I removed his number from my phone so I can't be tempted to text or call him, but blocking his emails... how will I know if he's telling me he's actually getting a divorce?? (I know I'm being hyperbolic and dramatic... :rolleyes: I'm kind of poking fun at myself, but I think people here can understand that feeling.)

 

I've had the experience before of someone coming back who broke my heart--twice actually-- and by the time they came back, I was genuinely no longer interested.

 

I just wish there was a way to stop WANTING him to contact me. :(

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Ughh! Push, pull, push, pull, push, pull. You have done two weeks... keep going it will soon be two months. Ignore him and block him and enjoy your new life. His behaviour is cruel. Push you away and real you back in all in one sentence. Truly horrid. Nothing has changed. Stand firm.

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Red Wolverine
Isn't that the truth? I'm not too proud to admit I don't want him to stop. It's getting easier every day, it really is, but it's been so hard for me to take the advice of everyone here and block him. I removed his number from my phone so I can't be tempted to text or call him, but blocking his emails... how will I know if he's telling me he's actually getting a divorce?? (I know I'm being hyperbolic and dramatic... :rolleyes: I'm kind of poking fun at myself, but I think people here can understand that feeling.)

 

I've had the experience before of someone coming back who broke my heart--twice actually-- and by the time they came back, I was genuinely no longer interested.

 

I just wish there was a way to stop WANTING him to contact me. :(

 

Realize what you're wanting him to tell you....that he's getting a divorce....isn't going to happen. Nothing in your history points to that. Even if he did, do you honestly believe he couldn't contact you if he finally decided he wanted to be with you?

 

The few stories of people ending up together have things in common. The biggest is deliberate actions to end their marriages. I don't recall back and forth games.

 

You don't want him to stop contacting you because that means you will have to accept that he isn't going to divorce. Yet you know that.

 

This is where the torment stems from....knowing the truth yet denying it.

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Delete, ignore, don't pass go, don't collect $200!!! It is a mind game. Just when you are starting to feel better he will keep doing it. I was reeled in so many times. I was the fish he kept catching and throwing back. I know it is hard but stay strong!

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