TBob Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 I'm 28 and my wife and I got married at age 24, mainly because she got pregnant and we figured getting married was the right thing to do at the time. Though she's a good mother, she's not a good wife at all - not supportive of me, she's mean to me, and has been really insecure and jealous for the last six months. I have never cheated on her, nor given her a reason to think I have. In fact, when we're arguing I tell her that I might as well go ahead and cheat on her since in her mind, I already have. I think I'm a pretty good husband overall, and I let her do what she wants. I met a very cool girl at work (AFTER my wife had started all her jealousy crap) who likes me a lot, too. We are really attracted to each other in a big way. She's incredibly smart, beautiful, and giving (among other things) and would probably make a better wife than the one I have (not to mention a great mom/stepmom herself.) Yesterday this girl and I hung out and ended up making out, pretty hot and heavy. This makes it official - I have cheated on my wife. But I just don't care. I don't even care if my wife cheats on me, as long as she doesn't give me herpes. The other girl asked me if I thought my wife and I would be able to work things out, and my answer was "Probably , but I really don't care." Why do I stay in this marriage, you ask? I love my little daughter (she's two and a half) so much that I can't stand the thought of partial custody or only seeing her on weekends. She is the love of my life and if I got divorced I wouldn't see her every day and tuck her in at night. It looks like the girl and I are going to start having an affair. I told her I don't have time or energy for a serious relationship and that I'm not going to leave my wife (because of my daughter.) She's pretty torn cause she knows it's wrong to have an affair with a married person, but she likes me as much as I like her and she's single with no kids, so she has no familial obligations of her own to deal with. By getting physical with me, she broke her own rule of not getting involved with married guys. I'm glad she did. I told her that if she's okay with this, then I am, too. Sooooo......what happens if I fall in love with this girl but still have to face The Beast at home? I don't really think my wife would try to keep my daughter from me if we got a divorce, but I am so attached to her (my daughter) that I can't bear the thought of being without her, even just for a day. Reminds me of a line from an old song..."ain't it sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along".... Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 Yesterday this girl and I hung out and ended up making out, pretty hot and heavy. This makes it official - I have cheated on my wife. Yes, you have. And you say don't care. I don't even care if my wife cheats on me, as long as she doesn't give me herpes. So if she gives you AIDS it's okay? Sorry. Why do I stay in this marriage, you ask? I love my little daughter (she's two and a half) so much that I can't stand the thought of partial custody or only seeing her on weekends. She is the love of my life and if I got divorced I wouldn't see her every day and tuck her in at night. Personally, I think it is wrong to stay in a marriage "for the kid(s)". They know what's going on. She might not understand now, but she will as she gets older. Is it not possible for you to get full custody of your daughter? Are you beyond counseling? Do you even want to try at all? There must have been something about your wife to make you fall for her. Or did you get her knocked up during a casual dating period? I think your daughter deserves to grow up in a happy home. With a mother and a father that love her, and each other. ain't it sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along Hate to burst your bubble, but, from the way you talk, any woman might look like the "right one" to you since you currently come home to "The Beast". Chances are high that if you pursue a relationship with this woman: a). She will break your heart. Leaving you for another, more available, man. What do you have to offer her, really? Um. Nothing. Like it or not you belong (I use this word as loose as I may) to someone else right now. b). You will realize she's not as great as you thought. If you realize this before your wife founds out, woohoo. Save your marriage. If not, you might be spending many long days without seeing your daughter. Chances are low that if you pursue a relationship with this woman: a). You're going to get to have your cake and eat it, too. She will fall (and stay) madly in love with you, meeting you at your local Motel 6 every other day for some lovin'. You will come home to "The Beast" and your lovely daughter, and they will never know a thing about it. Good luck. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 You have found some greener grass....this story is so old it's been around since the beginning of time!! You are using this young lady (and she's letting herself be used)....if you care about her, you won't have anything else to do with her till you are single. Do you love your wife?? Or was she just the uterus that your daughter lived in? Do you truthfully think you are not at fault with anything that might make her unhappy? In about 98% of the case of unhappy marriages, it's both spouses having/causing problems... You said you don't care. Then to be fair to that child you love so much, you need to leave. You can get joint custody and see her as much as most Daddy's see their child, sometimes more quality time is spent in visitation situations....than when Daddy's are home... I'll tell you just like I'd tell myself (except I change the gender) or any friend of mine. Be a man and quit whining about the Beast at home (perhaps greener grass chick might be a beast after living with you?? humm? ). Grow a spine and do something. Either seek counseling and find out why things are the way they are and try and save your marriage but just saying "well she's acccused me of cheating so I might as well" is one of the most pathetic excuses out there... If divorce is your option, having an affair will mess up your day in court. The judge will be more sympathic to your wife. So even if you don't care you hurt her, stay out a relationship until you are legally separated or divorced....if the divorce can be on more friendly terms, your wife will be more likely to let you tuck your daughter in at night... In fairness to what you are going through, if you don't feel loved and someone is being mean to you, you deserve happiness and someone being kind....just seek the proper venues to obtain your happiness....I speak from experience!! Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
cowgirl Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 I was in a similar situation once however I was the other woman. He had a little girl as well and it definately made the situation harder for him. He said all the things you said that the wife does. At the time I believed him because I guess that's what I wanted to hear. NOW - 14 months later, I wouldn't give him the time of day. I woke up to myself. After his bub was born he realised he couldn't give her up so he'd just have his cake and eat it to. Ive moved on and have learnt from my mistake. As the others said, do you really think the grass is greener on the other side and you don't think that this ow is going to be any different to your wife once you both REALLY get to know each other. If you genuinally care about this ow you'd give her up and sort your marriage out. If you want out than GET OUT!! You'll get to see your daughter. There are 2 people in a marriage and everybody's got there faults and maybe you need to identify yours to. Can't believe you call your wife a BEAST & you don't care if she plays around as long as she doesn't give you herpes!! So, your obviously still sleeping with your wife than. Too many people will get hurt. No good can come from a situation like this. Believe me, this OW will shaft you when she finds someone more available to her. GOOD LUCK!! Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t39573/ Link to post Share on other sites
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