anakin_16 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 hi guys! i'm new here,, been wanting to share my story for a long time..it's going to be a long story...my affair with a MM started in 2010 at the workplace..he was a good looking guy..the 1st time i saw him i knew it was instant attraction..esp on his part. and a couple month in he started to message me. asking me to go out for lunch, dinner..i always said no, because i knew he's married but he kept on asking, even sent me drunk messages. he chased me so much and then we started to chat on YM everyday..he kept asking me to go out and finally i did. after a certain point, i just caved in. it was a big mistake, after that we moved from ym to bbm. it's easy for the affair because his wife is in another country with his son. a little background story of him he has 2 sons with 2 different women.. after the initial "date" things get a little out of hand.. lunch, dinner together everyday..and he started asking me to go to his apartment, kept asking me to go.. 4 months later i finally caved in and went there, i was blinded by my feelings..that's when it became physical. we did it 3 times after that, after the 3rd time i knew i was in trouble, i was going to deep, i fell in love with him..we were still together, but deep down i knew it was wrong,,,i was scared of him, i feel like he's my master..if he wants something from me, i have to follow. for example if he wanted to have lunch at the office canteen and i don't feel like it he would say "Are you sure you don't want to eat?" in a very aggressive tone. i knew i have to say yes.. after awhile he started to change maybe it's his wife or another new girl, he even pick up a girl in front of me at an office outing in a bar,, because he was jealous another co-worker like me (who didn't know about our affair, and that person told my ex about his feelings) and then the next day he was angry because i didn't want to sit next to him at lunch. starts throwing his food at the table and the ask me if he could sit next to me..i just got fed-up, one day i bbm him saying that he was selfish, and all hell broke loose lol..he started saying i don't understand this etc.. i told him i was in love that i have to stop..we had lunch a couple days later. and that day he told me all the mean things.. saying that he likes me but it's never going to happen, i have a family i'm not going to destroy it or let you destroy it..i had you. i asked "then why did you chase me?" he said i never chased you. which is not true he chased me like crazy. i held back my tears as i could went back to the office and just cried my eyes off... he made my work life miserable..eventually i quit my job..but still hang out with my co worker and he's always there..giving me hope..acting as if he still wants to be with me,,,but every time i ask he always ignores me.. in the end he blocked me from FB..keep asking and deleting my bb pin..it's like he's playing with my heart. last year he found out his wife is cheating on him and he wanted a divorce and he's already seeing another girl who is younger than me..he wants a divorce because of his wife cheating but he cheated on her with me and numerous other girl and his current gf...talk about selfish...all was well for me,, he has his karma...but it all ended nov last year, at a mutual friends farewell he wast there.. he asked me for my bb pin..i tried my best to ignore him.. but he poked me on the neck..and as usual spend the entire farewell sitting next to me, following me around so no other guys would approach me,, it's always like that, like he doesn't want to be with me, but he doesn't anybody else to be with me..so he added my bb..told me that his marriage is on the verge of divorce,,,i tried contacting him but he sometime replies but most of the time ignored me..and he is still with his current gf (who i also know, but not close) and still married to his wife my heart is still in pieces,,it's been a hard 3 years of my life..i don't know what to do next..should i delete him on my blackberry? what does he want from me? why does he have to be like that all the time but he's already with another girl? thanks for reading my story.. sorry for my english...a feedback would be great Link to post Share on other sites
chaser0195 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Just delete him and ignore him and if you are out with your co workers and see a guy you are interested in then just approach that guy. He doesn't own you and you need to stand up for yourself when he,or anyone for that matter, tries to be your "master". I wonder if he is really giving you hope or if you are seeing signs that aren't there because you had such strong feelings for him. my question is why would you want to get back with that control freak loser anyway? It seems like he feeds off making others miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anakin_16 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 He sounds like he has NPD since you said he acts like your Master. Controlling and domineering men tend to go for women who are pleasers and caretakers. This unhealthy dynamic will continue until either the narcissist sees that their needs can be better met by someone else, hence the cheating, or the self-sacrificing woman (you) finally speaks up for herself. Narcissism is one of the most difficult disorders to treat and transform, because these type of people never take responsibility for anything. Thanks for your reply, it's a real eye opener . You are spot on about him. He is a narcissist! And come to think of it he also have a multiple disorder, because he can be sweet n nice one day the next he would be the complete opposite. I have deleted him from my blackberry. It's time for me to move on...and be with a worthy guy..who doesn't make feel like crap! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 It's time for me to move on...and be with a worthy guy..who doesn't make feel like crap! any relationship that makes you feel less isn't worth your time. so well done, go for someone who's going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated! be careful though - a narcissist can either turn and forget you in seconds, or not accept being 'dumped'. so he might come after you still. be strong, and keep NC! Link to post Share on other sites
Author anakin_16 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 any relationship that makes you feel less isn't worth your time. so well done, go for someone who's going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated! be careful though - a narcissist can either turn and forget you in seconds, or not accept being 'dumped'. so he might come after you still. be strong, and keep NC! Thanks! I know, that's what he's been doing to me for the past 2.5 yrs..i gotta be strong now! Can't waste my time with him anymore.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anakin_16 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 well i have an update..basically last time i message him was around 10 days ago..since i have deleted i thought he won't contact me again..but he still have my cellphone.. sooo yesterday he sent me a message saying that he's still busy and he's sick but still had to work... i mean weird.. who does that? replying a message that was 10 days ago? annoying... Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Oh yea, he's fishing... He's used to being in charge, making the rules between the two of you. it ain't over, til he says it's over, kinda guy. Do something for yourself here, don't reply to his message. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anakin_16 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 i didn't reply his messages. he sent me a text message after the first one saying.."i'm sorry for the delay of my messages" ... he's probably was just bored at the time .. lol he's just a selfish person, can't believe i used to like this guy.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 i didn't reply his messages. he sent me a text message after the first one saying.."i'm sorry for the delay of my messages" ... he's probably was just bored at the time .. lol he's just a selfish person, can't believe i used to like this guy.. That's an excellent attitude!!! Keep it up! :bunny: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author anakin_16 Posted April 13, 2013 Author Share Posted April 13, 2013 hi guys i just wanted to update.. he has contacted me again, but this time he said that he's going home for good. he's a foreigner working here and he just got let go.. and he's going home for good this april...he wanted to see me.. at first i was hesitant, eventually i agree and he cancelled on me twice...he said we could do it next week.. i reply let's just see next week and i said take care bla bla.. basically fed up... and he replied with a sad face... i'm just really tired of him bothering me all the time, why does he needs to say goodbye to me, he already did long time ago... i just ur advice, i have a moment of relapse here regretfully... Link to post Share on other sites
Author anakin_16 Posted April 13, 2013 Author Share Posted April 13, 2013 You don't have to see him at all, you do have the option to completely ignore his fishing attempts. Ask yourself if it's going to help you or hurt you? He sounds like a manipulative ass. The sooner YOU say it's over, the sooner it will be and you can heal. i know i have to say no, but it's so hard for me .. Link to post Share on other sites
lynn1954 Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 I know it's hard to say "no" to him. But be strong and say "no" anyway. Don't see him, don't communicate with him. Do you have a friend or family member who you can call when you're feeling weak and have them remind you to say "no". You asked us for help, I hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
psm04 Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 I would say don't give in to what he wants, because from what I've read, he sounds like a total jerk. He's been aggressive and manipulative towards you, and he's still holding the strings since he's cancelled on you twice although he was the one who wanted to meet. This is ironic coming from me since I myself am now struggling with meeting or not meeting my xAP, but that is a different situation. This guy really sounds like bad news. You will find it hard now, but I think that you'll be happy in the long run if you don't give in. Good luck :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author anakin_16 Posted April 28, 2013 Author Share Posted April 28, 2013 i have an update...basically we work in the same line of business..and he just got fired from his job (my old workplace, where we used to work together) and now there's a chance he's going to be working at my current office.. :(... my boss ask him to apply here, and he came to the office a couple of days ago, to talk with my boss.. it could be just freelance work but still i'm afraid.. and i was there when he came to the office..and he kept looking at me and staring .. i'm really scared that he'll get accepted here and we start working together again... Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted April 28, 2013 Share Posted April 28, 2013 i have an update...basically we work in the same line of business..and he just got fired from his job (my old workplace, where we used to work together) and now there's a chance he's going to be working at my current office.. :(... my boss ask him to apply here, and he came to the office a couple of days ago, to talk with my boss.. it could be just freelance work but still i'm afraid.. and i was there when he came to the office..and he kept looking at me and staring .. i'm really scared that he'll get accepted here and we start working together again... Time to tell your boss the truth about this man? Link to post Share on other sites
Comfortable Posted April 28, 2013 Share Posted April 28, 2013 Talk to your boss so you don't have to go through the affair again. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted April 28, 2013 Share Posted April 28, 2013 Please don't meet him before he leaves the country. He figures he'll make his rounds before he leaves with all of his 'girlfriends' and get it on one last time (that is, try and sleep with you). Just say no! You'll feel so much stronger and more confident if YOU are the one to nip it in the bud. And feel sorry for anyone who ends up with him. He doesn't know how to treat a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 28, 2013 Share Posted April 28, 2013 Tell your boss! Link to post Share on other sites
Author anakin_16 Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 thank you guys so much for your support.. it's been a hard 2 years of my life with him just bothering me.. keeps popping into my life... i have since heard news that he might not work at my office, but i'm still scared that he will, i never know what he's going to do next.. i'm afraid to tell my boss about our affair.. i'm afraid that he'll hate me.. i haven't seen him, i thought the same exact thing as praying4peace.. he just wants to do it with his "girlfriends", cuz the last time he asked me out is to go to his apartment, it's obvious what he wants.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author anakin_16 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 hi guys .. i have another update, it's like my past with him is always haunting me... well i am friends with his current girlfriend and on facebook..and one day i found out that that girl posted all of their pictures together. i was quite surprised about it...i thought that maybe they became official and he finally divorced..a couple of days later..the girl message me asking me about my side of the story did me and that guy ever dated..and is he still bothering me..i told her everything...and turns out she's planning to confront him. that's why she posted those pictures so people will see .. and the family of my mm ex and his wife,, i asked her to not involved me in this matter, but it was too late..so she confronted him..a little info he moved back to his country,,,so she followed him there,,,and she ask about me to him and he denied ever having a relationship with me..and denied ever having a physical relationship with him... denied asking me out to his apartment,,he admitted only once when he was drunk just kissing.. which is not true...soo she basically asked him to meet me when he comes back here to for him to clarify that we never happen in front of her..and she kept bugging me to agree to meet him... i don't want too, because i don't need to justify myself in front of him and her...and i found out that he promise her that when he goes back it's just for signing the divorce paper, but turns out he's not even close on getting a divorce and he probably never filed it...she told me that they broke up not because of my story but because of his family problem.. so she pushed my ex to message me to apologize to me.. but he sent me a really mean message... saying that she's very important, and for me to just stop because i have no proof to back up my claim, and why am i doing this...and she's now claiming that part of the reason why she broke up with him is because of my story, but i know she said another thing and now she demands to know the truth..i told her i already told you the truth, it's up to you wether you want to believe it or not..and then she said that i was attacking her, when in fact both of them are attacking me in the 1st place... and she's still pushing for the 3 of us to meet so she'll finally know the truth...i'm just so sick and tired of dealing with this problem that kept on coming to me...and it's not fair, it's as if i was the one that ruin the relationship when in fact it's the guy that's just messed up..keep making promises he can't keep..keep cheating and lying and the girl just doesn't want to see the truth..she's blinded by her love for him... i know i have a fault in here, because i should've just kept my mouth shut, but it's too late now..but i just need your opinion of what i should do.. should i just ignore them and or should i meet them? my heart and gut is telling me not to go.. i just needed another person's view and opinion.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author anakin_16 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 It's his other ow that wants the 3 of you to meet, right? If so...........Oh hell no, you've already talked to her, if she didn't believe you, it's on her now. Stay away from both of them. Block them! Don't involve yourself in any more drama with any of them. i know.. i have blocked and deleted her.. but she knows my phone number..last time she's asking to meet next week, that's when he's coming..i'll just stay away from them.. i'm tired of getting hurt by this person.. i just want it to be over,, he's nothing but a coward, blaming me for for ruining their relationship while it was his own fault! Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 hi guys .. i have another update, it's like my past with him is always haunting me... well i am friends with his current girlfriend and on facebook..and one day i found out that that girl posted all of their pictures together. i was quite surprised about it...i thought that maybe they became official and he finally divorced..a couple of days later..the girl message me asking me about my side of the story did me and that guy ever dated..and is he still bothering me..i told her everything...and turns out she's planning to confront him. that's why she posted those pictures so people will see .. and the family of my mm ex and his wife,, i asked her to not involved me in this matter, but it was too late..so she confronted him..a little info he moved back to his country,,,so she followed him there,,,and she ask about me to him and he denied ever having a relationship with me..and denied ever having a physical relationship with him... denied asking me out to his apartment,,he admitted only once when he was drunk just kissing.. which is not true...soo she basically asked him to meet me when he comes back here to for him to clarify that we never happen in front of her..and she kept bugging me to agree to meet him... i don't want too, because i don't need to justify myself in front of him and her...and i found out that he promise her that when he goes back it's just for signing the divorce paper, but turns out he's not even close on getting a divorce and he probably never filed it...she told me that they broke up not because of my story but because of his family problem.. so she pushed my ex to message me to apologize to me.. but he sent me a really mean message... saying that she's very important, and for me to just stop because i have no proof to back up my claim, and why am i doing this...and she's now claiming that part of the reason why she broke up with him is because of my story, but i know she said another thing and now she demands to know the truth..i told her i already told you the truth, it's up to you wether you want to believe it or not..and then she said that i was attacking her, when in fact both of them are attacking me in the 1st place... and she's still pushing for the 3 of us to meet so she'll finally know the truth...i'm just so sick and tired of dealing with this problem that kept on coming to me...and it's not fair, it's as if i was the one that ruin the relationship when in fact it's the guy that's just messed up..keep making promises he can't keep..keep cheating and lying and the girl just doesn't want to see the truth..she's blinded by her love for him... i know i have a fault in here, because i should've just kept my mouth shut, but it's too late now..but i just need your opinion of what i should do.. should i just ignore them and or should i meet them? my heart and gut is telling me not to go.. i just needed another person's view and opinion.... I agree with Ladygrey. H*LL NO! Do not meet with them. They need to work out their stuff on their own and leave you out of it. You're not involved with him anymore so what ever is happening between them is their business and has nothing to do with you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anakin_16 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I agree with Ladygrey. H*LL NO! Do not meet with them. They need to work out their stuff on their own and leave you out of it. You're not involved with him anymore so what ever is happening between them is their business and has nothing to do with you anymore. I know i will stay away from them. I just don't want them bad mouth me to other people. I'm just hurt and humiliated especially after he sent me his message about how important she is. It's as if i have a mission to ruin them, I didn't even want to be a part of this thing in the first place. I was just drag into it... Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Absolutely do not go meet with them under any circumstances. If they're going to bad mouth you to others, they'll do it anyway. Going to meet them will probably just make them angrier and give them more to talk trash about. Plus it will cause you a lot of emotional distress. There's no benefit to you meeting with them. And don't get yourself down because of that comment about her being important. You already know this guy says whatever he needs to say to get what he wants. If she was that important, she wouldn't be so insecure in her relationship that she's contacting women he previously slept with to get their story on him. Next time she contacts you, let her know that you empathize with her having been in a similar situation with him, but it's too much of an emotional toll on you to meet with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author anakin_16 Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 Absolutely do not go meet with them under any circumstances. If they're going to bad mouth you to others, they'll do it anyway. Going to meet them will probably just make them angrier and give them more to talk trash about. Plus it will cause you a lot of emotional distress. There's no benefit to you meeting with them. And don't get yourself down because of that comment about her being important. You already know this guy says whatever he needs to say to get what he wants. If she was that important, she wouldn't be so insecure in her relationship that she's contacting women he previously slept with to get their story on him. Next time she contacts you, let her know that you empathize with her having been in a similar situation with him, but it's too much of an emotional toll on you to meet with him. Thank you for the feedback...it helps me a lot. he's just a coward lol...and she's just so blinded by her love, she can't see the truth... i hope i get out of this in tact and fast.. and he'll leave me alone for good,,, Link to post Share on other sites
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