Adamgem Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I have been NC for a few days. Changed phone number etc. I have been focusing on myself and forcing myself to look harder at myself.... I feel surprisingly good. My best friend just received a long text from him... I didn't ask the details. She said she would show me later. She is a very sensitive and vulnerable person and I don't want her involved in anyway. Any thoughts on how to deal with this? Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Tell your friend to delete the message and then block his number. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I have been NC for a few days. Changed phone number etc. I have been focusing on myself and forcing myself to look harder at myself.... I feel surprisingly good. My best friend just received a long text from him... I didn't ask the details. She said she would show me later. She is a very sensitive and vulnerable person and I don't want her involved in anyway. Any thoughts on how to deal with this? Well, this can be read a few different ways. Do you want her not involved so you can keep the hope alive? Or do you want her not involved because she might be shocked at his side of the story? Or do you want her not involved because he is a PoS? Or do you want her not involved because he is a predator looking for his next mistress? (And possibly that makes you feel minimized?) Can you elaborate as to WHY you don't want her involved? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Tell her to delete it and not tell you. Then ask her to block him and apologize to her for him texting her. If she chooses to do so, she can either block him and/or send him a text back asking him to please never contact her again either. Is she a mutual friend? You say she's sensitive and vunerable - Does that mean she can't handle something like this or are you worried he's going to eventually flirt and make a move on her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adamgem Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 Thank you for your replies. She wanted to respond to the message in a polite way - not wishing to get involved. So she responded to the message without mentioning me. He hasn't contacted her again so hopefully that worked. I didn't want her to get involved because it is not fair on her. She thinks he is a nice guy and that we are good together but she also sees that things are not right. She is a good friend and I trust her to have my interests at heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adamgem Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) For those of you wondering - My friend told me what was in the message before I saw your replies. I am starting to think that even being here talking about him (the relationship) is breaking NC. I shouldn't waste my time even thinking about him or focusing any attention on him even if it is in a forum. Is this true? Edited January 3, 2013 by Adamgem Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adamgem Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 I do explain to her what he is like but it is very difficult to see clearly when you meet him. He is extremely charming. I will ask her to block him though... although I am not sure how to do that (Europe)... ....also he wouldn't think twice about using different phone numbers to contact her again and again. That is one of the reasons we thought the 'nicer' more polite approach might work better. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 You are posting here all about him, him, him....you are still 100% focusing on him, so just ask yourself a question - what result you are intending to achieve? That is quite simple question I suppose. We say things, do things, all need to have a result, better it is all positive/productive result, otherwise no point at all wasting time doing/saying things. For those of you wondering - My friend told me what was in the message before I saw your replies. I am starting to think that even being here talking about him (the relationship) is breaking NC. I shouldn't waste my time even thinking about him or focusing any attention on him even if it is in a forum. Is this true? Link to post Share on other sites
wisernow Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Maybe this has been asked and/or answered, but how does your exmm have your best friends phone number? That's odd. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adamgem Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 He saved it in his phone over a year ago after I'd borrowed it to call her. It is all pointless now anyway. I had felt on a great high for the last few days thinking I'd gotten away from him.... ...then my new phone rang. It was him. At first I couldn't believe it. He went to see a mutual friend who had my number as it was unavoidable. Because I could not avoid giving my number - I spent over an hour warning him not to give out my number - esp. to xmm......... I am so angry. I think people on this board have no idea what I am dealing with. I called my friend and asked what he was thinking - giving my number to him? He told me that xmm was grilling him about me.... many many questions and my friend felt uncomfortable - did not want to be involved and did not want to answer the questions... xmm suggested he give him my number to avoid further 'pressure'.... Link to post Share on other sites
wisernow Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 He saved it in his phone over a year ago after I'd borrowed it to call her. It is all pointless now anyway. I had felt on a great high for the last few days thinking I'd gotten away from him.... ...then my new phone rang. It was him. At first I couldn't believe it. He went to see a mutual friend who had my number as it was unavoidable. Because I could not avoid giving my number - I spent over an hour warning him not to give out my number - esp. to xmm......... I am so angry. I think people on this board have no idea what I am dealing with. I called my friend and asked what he was thinking - giving my number to him? He told me that xmm was grilling him about me.... many many questions and my friend felt uncomfortable - did not want to be involved and did not want to answer the questions... xmm suggested he give him my number to avoid further 'pressure'.... I think you're right about most of us not "getting it." You've been (or so you say) trying to get this man out of your life for the better part of a year. For me personally, I've never had a problem ending a relationship and never hearing from that person again. So no, I'm sorry, I don't get that. I went back and re-read some of your threads over this past year and you flip flop so often. People gave you many ways to ensure he didn't contact you, you gave excuses or contacted him yourself. I believe when you genuinely want this man 100% out of your world, it will happen. I also believe (and I don't say this to hurt you) that you get some payoff from his efforts to contact you. Some kind of ego boost and attention you are lacking. I don't know what anyone could possibly advise you above and beyond what advice you've been given. At the end of the day, it's up to you. You can stop this contact, or not... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adamgem Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 Thank you for your feedback. But like I say I do not think people on this board know what I am dealing with. That's ok. It is true - I kept getting sucked back in but this time I had gone to great lengths to remove him from my life. I moved. I changed my phone number. I warned people to not pass my number on. I have a different kind of resolve than at any point in the past. I am sure, in the end, I will figure it out but for the moment I am stuck. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 (edited) For those of you wondering - My friend told me what was in the message before I saw your replies. I am starting to think that even being here talking about him (the relationship) is breaking NC. I shouldn't waste my time even thinking about him or focusing any attention on him even if it is in a forum. Is this true? this is venting. If you are thinking of him in bed at night or morning, remembering, fantasizing etc., then that is breaking NC in your head and mind. This place is for you to get stuff off your mind and to help you heal. Edited January 4, 2013 by whichwayisup Link to post Share on other sites
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