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I'm YOUR MM's Wife!!


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I have learned that LS is a place for everyone to come & spill it all but I can't help feeling that most venues/topics don't allow for what I'm about to invite... :o

 

So, for a moment I'll be your MM's Wife!

You have an opportunity to tell me anything & everything that is on your mind & in your heart w/NO repercussions or consequences. So tell me, what have you to say?

 

Now BS's I'm going out on a limb & would like to ask that any responses that you have be mild in comparison. I don't want anyone here to feel ambushed.

I'm just presenting an opportunity for the OW or OM to say Whatever it is they have or wished they had or could say to the Wife of their (or husband) of their AP. thanks :)

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butterflybutterfly

I've felt a lot of hate, anger, and jealousy towards you. And my hate and anger has been totally unjustified. You didn't know that you were the reason I ended up broken and in tears when he spent the night with you instead of me. You didn't know that you were the reason plans with him fell apart; how could you? Why would it even cross your mind that there was anyone but you? It shouldn't have crossed your mind, you don't know that he's cheating on you, you don't know he has anyone else he's committing his time to, you're the innocent party and I should never have felt anger towards you.

 

I feel jealous that you get him when I don't. But you get a man who's cheating on you, lying to you, deceiving you, who likes a younger model. I'm not jealous of that. From what I've heard, you're loyal and caring, and you deserve someone better than him. The bitchy part of me feels like I must have something more than you, when he tells me I'm thinner and prettier and more enthusiastic and that he wants me sexually more than he's ever wanted you. But then I know that's all bullcrap, because all it is is that he's greedy. He likes what you give him and he likes what I give him and he's a greedy bastard who wants both. He doesn't deserve either of us but we're both stupid enough to be besotted with him.

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Thank you, butterfly. I am a BS who was stalked by the OW, a person I had never even met, after d-day. She was especially hostile when she learned that she had nothing on me, physically or intellectually. For some crazy reason, that realization fueled her jealousy towards me. I appreciate your recognition that some OWs exhibit unwarranted hostility to a person he/she has never even met.

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canuckprincess

Since our dday 12 months ago I have thought alot about what I would say to my mm's wife. I would say I'm sorry your hurting, I never set out to fall in love with your husband. But I have and always will, as I know he will always love me.

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It seems I've missed a bit as the moderator already posted.

 

From what I have read though from butterfly at least, I , as one who was betrayed then stalked as the OW also found out the competition was in her head cause of mis information fed to her, feel GREAT empathy & heartbreak not necessarily for you but WITH you.

Ultimately I am going to forgive you. Because honestly I love my husband enough to try after he came crawling back apologizing for everything. I know I won't be able to move forward though unless I let the image of you go. The way he said you were young and beautiful but completely unstable and crazy. I don't know what's true & what's not so I have to just let it go.

I mean really, I can see how he got to you. Same charms he used on me to marry him fourteen years ago and after he took me out to a romantic dinner last week.

He is SO good w/those compliments isn't he?!

I wish I could kick him to the curb too but our history, our children, our families, are worth fighting for.

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hey lady G;

I would not have fought for just him. No way. But what we built with each other together. If it weren't for our history or "story", if it weren't for our children, if it weren't for our families intertwined, if it weren't for the him that I loved all rolled up into one giant thing labeled my life, then no. He would have had to fight for me all on his own. But when he showed action after action of remorse, I decided to give it another shot.

 

Do you know to this day I don't allow him to speak ill of the exOW in front of me? It's not fair to me or her, so I quietly ask him to put a stick in it...

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canuckprincess
hey lady G;

I would not have fought for just him. No way. But what we built with each other together. If it weren't for our history or "story", if it weren't for our children, if it weren't for our families intertwined, if it weren't for the him that I loved all rolled up into one giant thing labeled my life, then no. He would have had to fight for me all on his own. But when he showed action after action of remorse, I decided to give it another shot.

 

Do you know to this day I don't allow him to speak ill of the exOW in front of me? It's not fair to me or her, so I quietly ask him to put a stick in it...

 

As the ow I a happy you don't allow him to speak ill of his xow. I believe if a mm said she meant nothing then to me that says our life,our family and our memories meant nothing so I jeopordized them for nothing. I get fighting for the life you built but only if the ws is truly remorseful and ha ended the affair. Would you have fought for him if he continued after dday?

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"Please....tell your wife to leave me alone. She doesn't listen to me, and the fact that we're good friends makes it a lot harder to end this scam perpetrated on you."

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CanuckPrincess;

I found out of A after husband ended it. I received a pretty hurtful email from the OW that outed the whole thing. She was really angry w/me but I think also at my husband too. I told him to go. I said I wouldn't be "taking him for all he's worth" or "keeping our children from him" as that is what his OW said was the reason I was second choice etc.

My husband said he was truly sorry but it has been his actions since then that made me give our lives together a second chance.

 

Straight up answer if he had continued to see her up to d-day and after, NO.

I couldn't "share" my husband KNOWINGLY w/another woman. I don't think I could knowingly "compete" for MY husband whom I shouldn't have to.

 

It's one thing to "get off on the wrong exit because you're tired of staring at the same long road, get lost, realize you Want to get back on the road that leads you home, then find your on ramp and never get off on that (or any other) exit again." (The quoted was my husbands analogy to me). Rather than flag that exit on your Magellan and make it a point of rest and retreat on the journey...

 

I sometimes wonder how the exOW is these days. Not very often. But she was so angry w/me when all I told her was I forgive you and I'm sorry you got hurt. Maybe I'm a different kind of BW as in the beginning I felt real empathy for her and I felt if she had been able to say EVERYTHING she wanted when she first outed the A, maybe she wouldn't have felt compelled to continue harassing & stalking me two years later*

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loveTKO;

Are you friends w/the husband or his wife who won't leave you alone? I don't know how to respond yet.

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loveTKO;

Are you friends w/the husband or his wife who won't leave you alone? I don't know how to respond yet.

 

 

Very good friends w/ his wife....don't know him though. What we're doing isn't the result of either party expecting some future together, but just physical in nature. She always comes back when we both decide that we shouldn't be doing this... I don't get it. After we come to some sort of agreement about moving on she'll ask me what I'm doing next Wednesday or Thursday....???? What's a single guy to do?

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I have learned that LS is a place for everyone to come & spill it all but I can't help feeling that most venues/topics don't allow for what I'm about to invite... :o

 

So, for a moment I'll be your MM's Wife!

You have an opportunity to tell me anything & everything that is on your mind & in your heart w/NO repercussions or consequences. So tell me, what have you to say?

 

Now BS's I'm going out on a limb & would like to ask that any responses that you have be mild in comparison. I don't want anyone here to feel ambushed.

I'm just presenting an opportunity for the OW or OM to say Whatever it is they have or wished they had or could say to the Wife of their (or husband) of their AP. thanks :)

 

CiH, I think the generosity you are displaying in this thread in phenomenal.

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TKO;

I have to agree w/saying no to her but I can also see that if you are REALLY good friends how that would be hard. But would a really good friend put you in a position like the one you're in?

 

I wish I could pretend to be her husband & give you a response but sadly I don't have the right "package". Any betrayed husbands out there have a response for TKO?! One w/out attacking but still sincere??

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TKO;

I have to agree w/saying no to her but I can also see that if you are REALLY good friends how that would be hard. But would a really good friend put you in a position like the one you're in?

 

I wish I could pretend to be her husband & give you a response but sadly I don't have the right "package". Any betrayed husbands out there have a response for TKO?! One w/out attacking but still sincere??

 

 

You are 100% correct. This whole ordeal, however, has thought me how some people are able to compartmentalize their actions. I know that this sounds hypocritical, but I could never cheat on my spouse the way she is doing, and I've told her that. In hindsight, it would have been better if we just remained friends.

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CantgetoveritNY
TKO;

I have to agree w/saying no to her but I can also see that if you are REALLY good friends how that would be hard. But would a really good friend put you in a position like the one you're in?

 

I wish I could pretend to be her husband & give you a response but sadly I don't have the right "package". Any betrayed husbands out there have a response for TKO?! One w/out attacking but still sincere??

 

The betrayed H is obviously in the dark. He would appreciate knowing what is going on. Very much. Especially if TKO expressed regret that he is obviously feeling about this.

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I would like to ask my MM's wife how she doesn't know that he's cheating. By what he's mentioned and I've gleaned from his conversations, you as his wife, know something is off with him. You know that he's up to something but you just haven't found out what yet. Are you in denial that your husband could do this? Are you unable to ask the direct question?

 

Part of me wishes you would just ask and get it over with. If you don't he will never stop. If I leave him, there will be others. He's gotten away with it for this long; he thinks he's too charming to get caught. Just ask and watch his reactions, he'll panick.

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OnceMoreWithFeeling

Do you know that he and I would talk hours every day? Do you know that every day, at least once a day, he would say I love you? That he said that I had given more to him that you ever had and that he would happily spend the rest of his life trying to pay me back? That I was "home" to him and that he wasn't going anywhere?

 

If you know any bit of that, how can you ever believe him again? I realize that he's now doing everything he can to reassure you and make things better. But after all that, why would you want his heart when it's so fickle and confused?

 

The only way I know you is by how he described you and the few email exchanges we've had, but I think you're stronger than you may realize and you're worth so much more than that.

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So, for a moment I'll be your MM's Wife!

You have an opportunity to tell me anything & everything that is on your mind & in your heart w/NO repercussions or consequences. So tell me, what have you to say?

 

We're both idiots?

 

/moment

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BrokenPrincess

Did you really not kiss him once last year during the entire 2 months that he had facial hair? Even through Thanksgiving, Christmas, his birthday, AND New Year's Eve?!

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Liberation:

You are right. I know SOMETHING is OFF. It must be that he is working SO hard to provide for his family. His work is demanding more and more from him so that must be it and being his Wife, I feel that it is my duty to support him. I have asked him why he is short tempered with me and doesn't spend very much time with our kids and he just tells me that he is exhausted from the long hours of work but it shouldn't last too much longer.

I feel like I am going crazy! At one moment he is completely adoring of me then in the next it's like I don't even know him anymore.

The one time I asked him if he had anything he wanted to share with me, maybe if there was someone/thing else vying for his attention/affections, he got cross and spewed how in the world could I even ask such a thing after being together this long. I felt horrible for ever asking such a thing!

So, I will just hang in there and take the good with the bad until this project of his has ended and our lives can get back on track*

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Once More:

"Do you know that he and I would talk hours every day? Do you know that every day, at least once a day, he would say I love you? That he said that I had given more to him that you ever had and that he would happily spend the rest of his life trying to pay me back? That I was "home" to him and that he wasn't going anywhere?

 

If you know any bit of that, how can you ever believe him again? I realize that he's now doing everything he can to reassure you and make things better. But after all that, why would you want his heart when it's so fickle and confused?

 

The only way I know you is by how he described you and the few email exchanges we've had, but I think you're stronger than you may realize and you're worth so much more than that. "

 

It KILLS me to hear that! It is the same thing he has said to me too!!

So I checked the phone log on our cell carrier and get this... He would call me first thing in the morning to say I love you then hang up with me and your number is dialed not even a minute later (here he was saying the same thing to you!). The phone log repeats this scenario ALL DAY LONG. I honestly cannot believe he had the energy to do this in the first place, let alone the momentum to keep it going for as long as it has..

Thank You for thinking I am stronger than I might even realize. I haven't decided yet if it takes more strength to leave or more strength to forgive and take a chance/risk to rebuild and repair the damage that has been caused by his time with you. Some days I think one way and the next another. But each day that goes by gives him this time (as you have seen) for him to try to prove through his actions and words that he wants to reconcile. It makes me remember the reason why I married him in the first place....

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CIH -

 

In response to my response, I just feel bad...simply put. Why would a wife not support their husband and trust what they say? I shouldn't be in the picture but he persued me so hard and I was very vulnerable and trusting. The scope of what we did or do wasn't on my radar until I was in over my head.

 

Always trust your gut. As a mom, as a woman, and as a wife. If you feel in your bones something is just not right, dig. You do not deserve a husband that is stepping out.

 

Take care and for all us OW out there, we not all crazy. Sometimes we're young and innocent and honestly don't know what's really happening until we're in love and our hearts are breaking. It's an intoxicating experience that opens your eyes wide to the world's wicked ways.

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Interesting idea. Oddly enough, I've never felt I wanted to say anything to her and I'm sitting here thinking honestly if there's anything I'd want to say. My answer has to be simply nothing.

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brokenprincess;

I've been trying to think of how a BW would respond to your response about the facial hair and no kissing... (my husband I don't think could even grow a full on beard or stash if he wanted too :laugh:) but I'll give it a try??!??...

 

EhHem... He TOLD you that?!?! I guess I shouldn't be surprised at anything at this point but the truth is this... I really don't like his facial hair BUT I love him, so the facial hair never kept me from his lips. I hate that he took some THING that truly meant so little and then twisted it w/an absolute lie and gave it to you on a Tiffany's silver platter!

 

Or maybe... Facial hair really grosses me out and my husband knew that. I was wondering why he all of a sudden decided to grow it out. It's all so clear to me now that you told me this. He just told me he felt less guilty about his lips on yours if he didn't come home and put them on me. Ugh!!:mad:

 

Either one of those work??

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