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how to proceed?


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when I was 5, i met my BFF and her brother who is 2 yrs older than us.. Now, I am 31 and still close friends with the sister. The brother and I have also remained close throughout the years. Then, three years ago we began dating. It lasted for a year and a half, until a silly fight split us up. He began dating someone else, who I know and am friendly with. He and I got into a huge arguement and he said some really nasty things.

Last month, out of the blue, he called and apoligized. He had to jump through hoops to get my number from his sister and in all the years I've known him, he has never before apoligized for anything. we have been in constant contact since then, even texting all weekend.... literally. The problem is he is still with the other girl, even living together. He has told me how miserable he is, and that he wants out. But he doesn't want the drama that goes with the break up. (He has cancer and is taking chemo 3x a week) He says that he loves me and that I am the love of his life, best friend he's ever had, and even mentioned eloping. We have not seen each other, because we don"t trust ourselves not to cheat physically.

I love this guy... always have. But it bothers me that he won't leave. How should I handle this... I don't want him out of my life, but I am afraid I will grow to resent him if I have to stay his dirty little secret...

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Hi :)

 

That's a truly crappy situation.

 

However....this gf that he's "miserable" with - has stuck by him through his cancer and he's an ******* for not even appreciating that.

 

Tell him to be a man and leave to be with you if he loves you so much, or to leave you alone.

 

Also...ok, he doesn't want to leave her but he wants to elope with you?

 

Really? How does that make any sense?

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Well, I don"t know about the "sticking by" him through cancer.... She lives with him, doesn't pay bills, do house work, or even sleep with him. Nor has she ever accompanied him to any treatments, or even taken care of him when he is sick. I know all of this from his parents, sister and a cousin. She has actually made his life harder throughout this time. She has even been out at the bar while he was in the hospital.. If that is sticking by someone, I don't want anyone to do that for me...

 

However, you are right about him needing to be a man, and letting me go... but I don't want to hurt him right now, when he is already hurting so much.

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Yes... He was diagnosed when we first begin dating... actually the week after. And he is also paralyzed from the waist down due to an accident when he was younger, which adds to the complications... he has already lost so much....

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All he has to do is go back home to his parents. Sorry to say this but he's an idiot for staying with her. she does absolutely nothing and neither of them are happy so why is it he's afraid of ending it? Seems he's not going to lose much if they do break up. This really makes no sense.

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